Trouble

[Hermit7]

Lately for a while, I’ve been struggling with obsessive thoughts. I think I might have mentioned this before on the forums.

Basically, while I’m at work, I get involved in various tasks. But then a thought of some sort lingers into my mind. This usually is the chain of thoughts that happen:

1.) I really want to get this task done.
2.) If I wanted to get this task done or have it “count” would I trade it in for my own salvation?
3.) Well, either, I say “Yes” in my mind or “Yes” in action.
4.) I then freak out and stop the task that I’m doing (sometimes even undoing that task altogether).
5.) I then feel that in order for me to “mean it” (that I don’t want to lose my salvation) I would have to “make up” all the time that I spent on that task. So if that task took 30 minutes to do, I would have to remake up those 30 minutes (even if I spent those 30 minutes working).
6.) At this point, I think I have over 3 hours worth to make upo.
7.) I’m afraid if I don’t make it up, then I’ll lose my salvation.
8.) But I also don’t want to continually have to make up time over and over again (I’ll be working forever and burning out).

It all feels real. And I feel like I owe to God somehow or else I’m not being true to Him or at least my salvation. Am I Iost? How do I stop myself?

-Hermit

p.s. Somehow I had a thought in mind that posting this will also cost me my salvation. It’s like a devil’s advocate, constantly saying “Do you love your salvation enough? Or would you trade it in for __?” Any positive thing that I seem to do for myself always somehow gets connected/compared to my salvation. Help me.

 

[OCD=Owie]

Lately for a while, I’ve been struggling with obsessive thoughts. I think I might have mentioned this before on the forums.

Basically, while I’m at work, I get involved in various tasks. But then a thought of some sort lingers into my mind. This usually is the chain of thoughts that happen:

1.) I really want to get this task done.
2.) If I wanted to get this task done or have it “count” would I trade it in for my own salvation?
3.) Well, either, I say “Yes” in my mind or “Yes” in action.
4.) I then freak out and stop the task that I’m doing (sometimes even undoing that task altogether).
5.) I then feel that in order for me to “mean it” (that I don’t want to lose my salvation) I would have to “make up” all the time that I spent on that task. So if that task took 30 minutes to do, I would have to remake up those 30 minutes (even if I spent those 30 minutes working).
6.) At this point, I think I have over 3 hours worth to make upo.
7.) I’m afraid if I don’t make it up, then I’ll lose my salvation.
8.) But I also don’t want to continually have to make up time over and over again (I’ll be working forever and burning out).

It all feels real. And I feel like I owe to God somehow or else I’m not being true to Him or at least my salvation. Am I Iost? How do I stop myself?

-Hermit

p.s. Somehow I had a thought in mind that posting this will also cost me my salvation. It’s like a devil’s advocate, constantly saying “Do you love your salvation enough? Or would you trade it in for __?” Any positive thing that I seem to do for myself always somehow gets connected/compared to my salvation. Help me.

Well the first thing you should realize is that God wants us to complete our work. It's not like God is mad because you're working instead of reading your Bible or something.

The steps that you describe sound like textbook OCD, which should immediately make you question the logic that you've been using. I know how real OCD feels, and, if I remember correctly, I've even had some symptoms that are like what you're currently going through. I would first get hung up on, "which do I love more, my salvation, or ____?" After that initial panic, my mind would then move on to, "well, if I love this thing more than my salvation, then does that mean I still have it?"

Looking back on that, and looking at your example, I see that it is a typical OCD symptom. Everything is a sort of panic-reaction. It's driven by fear, and when a thought is driven by fear, it's usually not very logical.

The key to beating this is something that's easy to say, but very, very difficult to master. You need to first realize that you have OCD, and that you're going to have all sorts of scary, crazy stuff come into your head that feels as real as anything else in your life. You need to take that knowledge and bear it in mind when you have these fears, saying to yourself, "I'm really freaked out about this, but I do have OCD. So it's a very likely possibility that this is just my mind playing tricks on me."

You then have to get yourself to relax as best as you can. It sometimes helps to just "delay" making a decision about whether your fear is legitimate or not. Tell yourself, "I'll worry about that in an hour or two." The stress might not go completely away, but it should help if you're doing it right. And, if you really master it, it might even get you to foget about your fears for awhile.

The next step up from this, would probably be to just tell yourself, "this is my OCD." And then try to just let the frightening thoughts and feelings be there. Don't pass a judgement on them as being good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable. Despite the fact that your mind will probably be screaming at you to pay attention to this fear, you just need to do your best to go about your business as if everything was A-OK.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions.

 

[tripletiger1200]

Something that I'm learning is to not ask questions to yourself. It's hard, but it helps. I don't do exactly what you do, but I'll constantly ask myself really idiotic questions, and it seems like whatever I answer those questions with makes me feel guilty. With OCD, really you are your own worst enemy, so if you just refuse to "converse" with yourself you feel a little better.

 

[OCD=Owie]

Something that I'm learning is to not ask questions to yourself. It's hard, but it helps. I don't do exactly what you do, but I'll constantly ask myself really idiotic questions, and it seems like whatever I answer those questions with makes me feel guilty. With OCD, really you are your own worst enemy, so if you just refuse to "converse" with yourself you feel a little better.

I agree. Confronting your OCD "head on" usually ends with more stress. The best way to handle OCD is to try not to dwell on your fears. Just carry on as if nothing was wrong.

 

[Hermit7]

Last Friday I nearly had a complete OCD meltdown. It involved my work and the fear of losing my salvation because of it.

During the first half of the day I could ignore most of these thoughts. But these thoughts became louder and louder to the point where I couldn’t ignore them. I even had to leave early because I just couldn’t take it.

By the end of the day, it gotten from “if I do this or this task, I would be preferring it over my salvation. Therefore, I’m dealing away my salvation.” To “if I do any work, I would be preferring work over my salvation. Therefore, I’m dealing it away.” What am I going to do? Ignore these thoughts take so much out of me. Is any of this real? Am I still saved? Will I be damned for even replying back to this thread?

 

[Hermit7]

I have this impending sense of doom at this point. Is everything going to be okay?

-Hermit

 

[tripletiger1200]

Yes hermit. I had a sickening feeling of dread earlier today, but it's fine now.

 

[Mr. Runningfish]

Hermit, I have just said a prayer for you. And for you Tripletiger (I keep wanting to call you Triplechanger )

I sign up for a daily devotional by Max Lucado, and yet I passed over this one yesterday, only to find myself reading it this evening. Amazing how it just seemed to be what I needed.

“Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—he’ll carry your load.” Psalm 55:22

I wonder, how many burdens is Jesus carrying for us that we know nothing about? We’re aware of some. He carries our sin. He carries our shame. He carries our eternal debt. But are there others? Has He lifted fears before we felt them? Those times when we have been surprised by our own sense of peace? Could it be that Jesus has lifted our anxiety onto His shoulders and placed a yoke of kindness on ours?

 

[OCD=Owie]

Last Friday I nearly had a complete OCD meltdown. It involved my work and the fear of losing my salvation because of it.

During the first half of the day I could ignore most of these thoughts. But these thoughts became louder and louder to the point where I couldn’t ignore them. I even had to leave early because I just couldn’t take it.

By the end of the day, it gotten from “if I do this or this task, I would be preferring it over my salvation. Therefore, I’m dealing away my salvation.” To “if I do any work, I would be preferring work over my salvation. Therefore, I’m dealing it away.” What am I going to do? Ignore these thoughts take so much out of me. Is any of this real? Am I still saved? Will I be damned for even replying back to this thread?

You're no more damned to hell for having random "bargains" come into your head than I am for having a cheese quesadilla for lunch. It feels very real, but you need to consider these "doom" scenarios with caution. You need to bear in mind that you have OCD, which is know to make people have intense, irrational fears that feel very, very real. And look, what you have decribed seems to fit this profile.

With that knowledge, try not to be so hard on yourself.

Also, you realize that everyone must work while here on earth. If you could deal away your salvation simply because you want to finish your work, then does that mean all Christians who have ever worked are going to hell? Did they care more about their work than about their salvation? Highly doubtful.

I think you're merely wanting to get your work done. Then your OCD strikes, and you're afraid that this important task that you have to do might be more important to you than your salvation. So, acting on this irrational fear, you worry nonstop about it.

Try to give yourself some slack. I don't mean to make it sound like that's easy, but it's something that is very helpful if you can master it. If you start with just a bit of "slack," you can ease yourself into it.

Hang in there!

 

[OCD=Owie]

Hermit, I have just said a prayer for you. And for you Tripletiger (I keep wanting to call you Triplechanger )
quote]

Is that some kind of transformer? Makes me think of the old cartoons...

 

[Starlightsobright]

You are living with an intrusive illness and please don't think that a Loving and Merciful God will take your salvation away for something completely out of your control.
I will pray for you and you should ask for as much help as you need.