Trouble going beyond mental assent without seeming narrow minded

[rockybashful]

I've been procrastinating to write this post because I wanted to wait until I got my fall semester in college over with so I can really focus on explaining my seemingly complex situation. I'm sorry this post will have to be a little long because I feel that it's necessary in order to explain what I'm talking about.

It seems like a paradoxical situation in which I can become really obsessed with my own Christian beliefs and apologetics, yet at the same time (to some people) I may seem apathetic to these beliefs like someone who has mere mental assent. It's not what it seems though, I'm not apathetic and how can I be utterly apathetic when I constantly hear about or see people who act on their beliefs? In other words, if the topic of religion is brought up online (because I spend most of my time online), you can bet I'll be on top of it.

Now here's the problem: I've learned in my adolescent years online that "bible thumping" is a terrible way to witness to people (I see it all the time in Yahoo Answers) and it worries me that I only seem very enthusiastic about talking about my beliefs when someone brings up religion and sometimes I can seem like a "bible thumper", but I don't really mean to.

I'm not sure if it's my ADHD, but I find that my conversations seem to always be one-sided and I'm never sure if when the other person is tired of listening (although strangers online aren't to shy to tell me). My narrow interests make it very difficult for me to really relate to people and consequently, I've never been able to keep any close friends. If I have a form of autism, it might explain why I have a self-imposed sheltered life in which I've rarely interacted much with people outside of school or church hours because I really didn't know how.

I seem to have problems relating my beliefs to myself as well as to others. Sure, I have the theory of how it should work, but actually making it stick to my memory and applying it everyday is difficult. It's easy to forget to pray in the morning and read the bible when my mind is constantly going on different tangents (being online too much only adds to the distraction). Other than being obsessed over my health at times, I tend to get obsessed with youtubers such as vloggers and gamers, and also anything on youtube that seems interesting (like funny cat videos). All these distractions make me feel a little guilty at times that I'm forgetting about God or becoming irresponsible. However I'm not sure what else I can do because being a "social christian" (or social in general) and attending to multiple responsibilities everyday aren't really a strength of mine.

I attend college full time and live with my dad. My mom has been in a nursing home because she can't get up or move around in our small apartment without assistance and she goes to the bathroom about every 2 hours, even at night (now she has a urinary tract infection). I've never worked because I already have trouble focusing on college, especially since I've been seeing doctors a lot for ADHD and another conditions relating to urology and endocrinology, then add upon this with my mom's poor health and having to go with my dad to buy groceries with my food stamps from now on and I also having to be the one who cooks around the house.

Wow, I didn't think I could piece all this information coherently, but there it is.

Any advice?

 

[RuthD]

I read your post but am not sure of what you want advice on.

 

[rockybashful]

I read your post but am not sure of what you want advice on.

Yeah, I figured it would be hard to get some advice other than try to remember (whenever I can remember) to pray to get through my struggles and hope that I find what God's will is for my life (who knows, maybe a miracle will happen in which God helps me learn how to better witness to people... I can only hope)...

Maybe this thread would've been better off in the Autism/Aspergers category.

 

[marinasdiamond]

To me, at least part of your post had to do with problems with communicating and talking to others about God in an effective way. I've been trying to improve on this, too, but a few things have really helped me. First, I try to do at least a couple things a day regularly. It's good to have daily rituals when you get distracted/forgetful. I listen to music when I get stressed out, too. It's hard sometimes, but I try to find at least 20 minutes or so in the morning to pray and ask God to give me patience and focus for the day and for Him to give me the focus and discipline to do everything I need to do that day. Keeping a journal also really helps, as long as you don't go off on too many tangents (sometimes it's hard to not get carried away). As far as communicating goes, I haven't gotten very far with that yet but there are other people with ADD out there and it's a little easier to communicate with them in my experience. Engaging in a sport/activity that takes focus seems to help me communicate with others too, because your mind is more "in the zone". And one more really good piece of advice I got from someone is to not become impatient with someone or try to fix them yourself sort of... remember that God does the work, and all you have to do is plant a seed.
I hope this helps somewhat