**TRIGGER** so lost i dont even know who i am anymore

[justmyselfandnothingelse]

hello my names robert and i really dont even know where to begin.
my life is just relatively horrible in general

i live in a very crime ridden part of florida, and drugs and crime is everywhere around me. a majority of peope around here are major substance abusers, and its just the way of life here.

im 18 almost 19, and have been abusing substances for most of my life.

when i was little [around 10-11] i began to abuse cold medicine [coricidin cough and cold, cough syrup] and steal alcohol and even abuse diphendramine [the chemical in benedryl]

sometime during when i was 13 i began to smoke cigarettes, i also began to smoke marijuana and drink much more alochol.

by the time i turned 16, i had litteraly tried nearly every single drug i could get my hands on [xanax, oxycottin, vicodin, loritab, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine, ritalin, acid, extacy just to name a few]

i got in trouble with lawwhen i was 16 for tresspassing when i went shrooming onto someones cow farm.

again, got in trouble with law when i was 17 for possesion of weed and possesion of LSD and MDMA

and to this day im still more stupid then ever.

i am really HOOKed on cigarettes, i smoke like 1-2 packs of newports a day. i do any drugs i get my hands on it seems like, and i constantly suffer withdrawals for cocaine and for opiate painkillers.

i dont even know how to help myself. i am addicted to way too many drugs, and i really cant stop myself.

i wake up still messed up from the day before, and i never am sober long enough to even think about quittin.
i dont know what to do.

i somehow managed to finish school, but my gpa is so low that i cant do anthing
i recently broke up with the girl ive been with for 4 years
i wrecked my car, and i have no job, and nothing going for me

i cannot honestly explain what i have been doing in my life, half of my bad decisions i dont evne conciosuly remmeber making them.

i dont know. and honestly, no one has really ever cared enough to try to help me. so i just dotn know what ims uposed to do.

 

[chilehed]

Sounds pretty familiar. At one time my life seemed destroyed, I couldn't stop geting high, I'd driven away everyone who ever loved me and felt like garbage wrapped in skin. I had no hope.

I suggest joining Narcotics Anonymous. It was tough at first, but it got easier and now I've been clean over 21 years and life is pretty darn good. It's been so long since I wanted to get high that I don't remember when it was. And it's really nice to not worry when a cop's behind me.

You don't have to use dope anymore.

http://www.na.org/links-main.htm#Florida

 

[Angeldove97]

I just wanted to let you know that I edited your thread title to put Trigger in it--- some of our members need to be warned and since your post is a heavy one, I want to make sure that those who aren't ready to read such posts don't come in this thread.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation--- it's heartbreaking to hear someone as young as you going through this. I'm a teacher and it seriously brings me to tears to think of a someone like yourself going through this

If you notice in every one of our forums in the Recovery area, we have hotlines to call. I would highly urge you to call one, talk to a counselor about your drug use, and get help. You might be a tight situation now--- but you are young enough to turn your life around. Please don't wait another minute to make this decision to stop using drugs and to start having a wonderful life. People are there to help you, we'll offer you whatever support you need here at CF, and we'll try our very best to find resources for you to heal.

If you'd like to chat in private about your situation, please feel free to contact myself via pm. We also have a Chaplain team here at CF--- so if you'd like to talk to a pastor or chaplain, please feel free to drop me a note, I'll get one of them to contact you ASAP!

Please take care of yourself--- you can do such amazing things in your life, please make the choice now to stop using drugs and to find yourself some help to get back onto your feet

 

[MarkSB]

Like AngelDove said, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you, you have alot going for you if you can turn it around right now. Find sobriety, find God, and find something you are interested in to occupy your time. AA/NA groups are a great place to find spiritual renewal and support.

These years of your life where your becoming an adult are very important. Commit to staying sober no matter what others around you are doing, and those you are hanging out with now you are probably best off walking away from.

 

[BlessEwe]

First step is reaching out as well as realize that you have a problem. Looks like you are there!

I want you to know that there is Hope for your situation, the question is are you Done, are you ready to get help.
I am not sure of your financial situation, but there are several places that will take you in a long term program for a very low fee, or for nothing in some places. I looked to see what area you live in, but I don't see it. I can help you with research if you would like me too. The important thing is to get Help Now! Matter of Life or Death! Few places to look into are. www.cityteam.org, http://www.cityteam.org/sanjose/recovery/stories.php also there are catholic subtance abuse treatment places. Like I said I would be happy to help you locate a place in your area.

 

[justmyselfandnothingelse]

thank you guys for your responses and kind words

the question about my area, i live in central florida, [sanford]

i am going to try to contact someone for help in finding good rehab stuff

 

[BlessEwe]

Excellant! I work in a rehab hospital as well as went through one 1 1/2 ago, and just a few words of looking for the right place for you.

Recovery is hard yet the most wonderful life changing experience. The harder and honest you work at your recovery, the stronger you will get.

Think about a few things while looking.

1. Pray to God for direction while looking for a place, ask for His help. He will open doors for you.

2. Being that you have used for such a long time as well as starting very young consider a long term program. 9 months or more ect. getting a good strong foundation on your recovery is so very important for the continued sobriety. Its hard work on your part, but it is so much better with time under your belt as well as the support you will need. There are non profit places that are so good, I know they offer treatment here in the San Francisco bay area for free, but there is a waiting list. I do feel these types of places really have the heart to help.

3. Be careful of some places, ( just like any place ) there are dishonest people who will take your money and not really care about your recovery. Sorry to say there are dishonest people in recovery too.


4. There is alot of drama, crisis, ect. with some while in recovery programs. Stay focused and work hard......... be serious, this is your life and possible only chance.

I will add if something comes to mind, feel free to ask anything.

 

[MarkSB]

Excellant! I work in a rehab hospital as well as went through one 1 1/2 ago, and just a few words of looking for the right place for you.

Recovery is hard yet the most wonderful life changing experience. The harder and honest you work at your recovery, the stronger you will get.

Think about a few things while looking.

1. Pray to God for direction while looking for a place, ask for His help. He will open doors for you.

2. Being that you have used for such a long time as well as starting very young consider a long term program. 9 months or more ect. getting a good strong foundation on your recovery is so very important for the continued sobriety. Its hard work on your part, but it is so much better with time under your belt as well as the support you will need. There are non profit places that are so good, I know they offer treatment here in the San Francisco bay area for free, but there is a waiting list. I do feel these types of places really have the heart to help.

3. Be careful of some places, ( just like any place ) there are dishonest people who will take your money and not really care about your recovery. Sorry to say there are dishonest people in recovery too.


4. There is alot of drama, crisis, ect. with some while in recovery programs. Stay focused and work hard......... be serious, this is your life and possible only chance.

I will add if something comes to mind, feel free to ask anything.

Just a little to add to BlessEwe's advice:

You will find that you will get the most out of recovery if you make your life God-centered. Through time God will reveal any defects in character you might have to deal with. Take it from someone who didn't - it is important to remain humble through all this. That's really the best advice I can give you from my experiences. Sober friends will make a world of difference.

"He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." -Prov. 13:20

 

[TheMainException]

Dude, get in touch with a good church, I recommend pentacostal, but only because I've seen some miraculous healings come out of these kinds of churches. Get in touch with people who accept you for who you are, problems and all. True believers who have touched the hand of God know that Jesus didn't reject anyone but those who thought they were good enough. You know you aren't, it's when we are down and out that God can come in and sweep us off our feet. God caught me up just before I went down the wrong path...I'd started to walk down the road of abuse and I'm not completely off of it yet...but I'm walking the right walk now. I'm not gonna say that it was easy...hell, all I can think about lately is drugs and alcohol and smoking. I'm pretty sure that if someone laid down a line and handed me a straw that I wouldn't even hesitate to snort that stuff up. That scares me really bad, but it's the truth. And I can honestly say that, if not for having experienced the intoxication of the Holy Spirit, I'd go back to smoking and drinking and doing drugs in an instant.

I'm telling ya dude, once you're toked the Spirit, gotten drunk on Jesus himself, you'll stay clean better than any earthly help you could get. Check this stuff out:

thenewmystics.org (check out John Crowder's salvation story)
myspace.com/joyrevolution (some amazing worship music, like no other worship music on earth, I swear, just give it a listen)

Man, drugs...they're just substitutes for the real thing...God can provide you with uppers, downers, hallucinogens...in him, you'll find everything...just ask him to reveal his glory to you...he's listening...just keep searching...keep doing what you're doing...getting help and searching....and keep in touch here....we're listening man. And you can always PM me.

 

[chilehed]

thank you guys for your responses and kind words

the question about my area, i live in central florida, [sanford]...

Looks like there's an NA meeting every day at 8:00 PM at the 1st United Methodist Church.

It worked for me. Stop getting high NOW. Go to a meeting every day, arrive early and stay late and if a group goes out for coffee afterward ask to go along even if you can't get anything. Ask for phone numbers and call every number you get every day. Get a sponsor.

http://www.orlandona.org/wp-content/files/meetinglist/current_meeting_list.pdf

You're in our prayers.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

OP- I hope you check in. My ex-bf (who I care for deeply) started as early as you, but didn't stop until he was 32 with the police outside with a search warrant. An angel made him put the gun down and his journey back into life began. He still usually goes to meetings 3 x week and if you haven't experienced it yet, I hope you find the people in meetings who want you to succeed, because they are out there.

 

[ww2pigeon]

I will pray for you, I suggest find a treatment center and get into it. Tell them what ever you need to, to get into it. THAT IS YOUR START. Don't make excuse for why you use, at this point it doesn't matter.

 

[nataliexcore]

i think i'm going to PM you cos i have a novel to write. God is with you man. i promise that much.

NA meetings man. trust and believe.

 

[keeperOFsecrets618]

hello my names robert and i really dont even know where to begin.
my life is just relatively horrible in general

i live in a very crime ridden part of florida, and drugs and crime is everywhere around me. a majority of peope around here are major substance abusers, and its just the way of life here.

im 18 almost 19, and have been abusing substances for most of my life.

when i was little [around 10-11] i began to abuse cold medicine [coricidin cough and cold, cough syrup] and steal alcohol and even abuse diphendramine [the chemical in benedryl]

sometime during when i was 13 i began to smoke cigarettes, i also began to smoke marijuana and drink much more alochol.

by the time i turned 16, i had litteraly tried nearly every single drug i could get my hands on [xanax, oxycottin, vicodin, loritab, marijuana, cocaine, amphetamine, ritalin, acid, extacy just to name a few]

i got in trouble with lawwhen i was 16 for tresspassing when i went shrooming onto someones cow farm.

again, got in trouble with law when i was 17 for possesion of weed and possesion of LSD and MDMA

and to this day im still more stupid then ever.

i am really HOOKed on cigarettes, i smoke like 1-2 packs of newports a day. i do any drugs i get my hands on it seems like, and i constantly suffer withdrawals for cocaine and for opiate painkillers.

i dont even know how to help myself. i am addicted to way too many drugs, and i really cant stop myself.

i wake up still messed up from the day before, and i never am sober long enough to even think about quittin.
i dont know what to do.

i somehow managed to finish school, but my gpa is so low that i cant do anthing
i recently broke up with the girl ive been with for 4 years
i wrecked my car, and i have no job, and nothing going for me

i cannot honestly explain what i have been doing in my life, half of my bad decisions i dont evne conciosuly remmeber making them.

i dont know. and honestly, no one has really ever cared enough to try to help me. so i just dotn know what ims uposed to do.

I'm a formal substance abuser but I must admit that I only used for a year. I can tell you that drugs have been around me for my whole life because of my parents. As well as alcohol. I know what its like to deal with struggle and i want to tell you now my heart goes out to you. There is a way out though. I never believed there was. When I was 13 I drank for the first time and continued drinking with friends for a long time. I abused a perscription drug called Klonopin. (I think i spelt that right... lol) To put it simply... I was extremly stupid to take even one of those pills. Not to sound offensive but the mgs for one pill was set for a rather large woman and there were many times I should have died for taking the doseages I did. The most I ever took was 8 which was idiotic because I'm a fairly small person with the average weight being about 105lbs so I count my blessings every day that I'm still here. Thats besides the point though. What I'm wanting to explain to you is there is a way out. I had a friend who I put through so much crap during that stage of my life but she stuck with me and would take me to church. I believed in God... but I hated him for the things he had been putting me through or that I believed he had put me though. I mentioned earlier about me being around drugs and alcohol my whole life. Well both my parents are drug addicts and alcoholics. Not only did I struggle with their arguments and their screaming and yelling and the low amount of money and food and nesseccities of life but the most important thing was the lack of love i felt. I had to go through their divorce when I was 12 and the fact of another man comeing into our lives. There are many more details but to put it simply i had some huge inner struggles. I began thinking that I was destined to be just like my parents and that there was no point in fighting it so i dived in to the world of alcohol, drugs, stealing and the whole thing. God was looking out for me even though i fought him. I went to church but the whole time it was a battle of keeping him out and hardening my heart against everyone. The time I took 8 pills i nearly died. In fact i should be dead but God kept me here. Its really hard to explain how it all happened but i realized that Gods been the one who has been consistant and always there. I stopped drinking and popping pills. It was hard. I had a few slip ups but they got fewer and far between till they were non-exsistant and then God showed me and gave me something I had been searching for, for a long time. He gave me my identity and my life.


I know I typed a whole lot and I'm sorry its so long but the main things I want to to get across to you is that even if its all around you YOU CAN get away from it and be your own person. You're not those around you, you are ROBERT. You can be a survior instead of a victim. You CAN do it. But the thing is... you can not do it on your own. You have to go to God. He's standing there beside you waiting for you to run to him. His arms are wide open for you and he wants you to come home. So go home Robert... go home and be free of all your baggage. God will help you be set free and he'll help you find you.


Gods daughter,
keeperOFsecrets