Hello Brothers and Sisters!
As all teenagers I have faced not the best thing in our world - mas***.
First, it was great I think there is no need of explantions...whay do you get in the end. Then I started to feel that my soul is being defiled. I was working on how only to get that moment of bliss... It was really long struggle. I was vowing that will never do it before,was failing, starting again, failing little success then fail again. I finally made 28 days of purity. But today (and last 2 weeks) I thought - I dont mas so it means I am the greatest here. I can be angry with ppl/ i can ignore them/i can hate and ruin...( Today coz of rage attack I have almost broken glass in elevator) I started to have alot of energy and... It was led on the path of rage/hatred/destruction. I thought I am better then you all! You are( mostly my uni mates) are fools. I became really boastful in my mind. My aspiration to victory turned into darkness in my heart.
My glance changed. I started to eat alot. I thought I dont mass cmon! I can eat what and how much I want. I can be angry with ppl! Oh you all cmon I dont mass Its already a great sacrifice. All these thoughts were abominating. Instead of leading this energy to help ppl try to please God more. I messed it up. I thought I have additional rights. I dont have many friends and thought that I dont need them at all. I will better stay with this my so called domination.
RIGHT NOW A MINUTE bEFORE TYPING I UNDERSTOOD! Yes, I do refrain, but all that energy shud be led to help others ppl. This energy turned to rage and closed my eyes! I must help others. Even with mas I dealed less damage then without it. I understood that I am SIMPLE. man. There are no perfect ppl. Ok I dealed with mas, now I must try to reach another point, in order try to be real christian. I was absorbed only in battle with mas. I thought dats the only way...I was mistaken.
YOu ALL HELPED ME ALOT! I understood my real way! I am so happy. Even when I didnt mas I didnt feel such harmony in my soul! Thank YOu all!
God Bless You!
As all teenagers I have faced not the best thing in our world - mas***.
First, it was great I think there is no need of explantions...whay do you get in the end. Then I started to feel that my soul is being defiled. I was working on how only to get that moment of bliss... It was really long struggle. I was vowing that will never do it before,was failing, starting again, failing little success then fail again. I finally made 28 days of purity. But today (and last 2 weeks) I thought - I dont mas so it means I am the greatest here. I can be angry with ppl/ i can ignore them/i can hate and ruin...( Today coz of rage attack I have almost broken glass in elevator) I started to have alot of energy and... It was led on the path of rage/hatred/destruction. I thought I am better then you all! You are( mostly my uni mates) are fools. I became really boastful in my mind. My aspiration to victory turned into darkness in my heart.
My glance changed. I started to eat alot. I thought I dont mass cmon! I can eat what and how much I want. I can be angry with ppl! Oh you all cmon I dont mass Its already a great sacrifice. All these thoughts were abominating. Instead of leading this energy to help ppl try to please God more. I messed it up. I thought I have additional rights. I dont have many friends and thought that I dont need them at all. I will better stay with this my so called domination.
RIGHT NOW A MINUTE bEFORE TYPING I UNDERSTOOD! Yes, I do refrain, but all that energy shud be led to help others ppl. This energy turned to rage and closed my eyes! I must help others. Even with mas I dealed less damage then without it. I understood that I am SIMPLE. man. There are no perfect ppl. Ok I dealed with mas, now I must try to reach another point, in order try to be real christian. I was absorbed only in battle with mas. I thought dats the only way...I was mistaken.
YOu ALL HELPED ME ALOT! I understood my real way! I am so happy. Even when I didnt mas I didnt feel such harmony in my soul! Thank YOu all!
God Bless You!
