Haven't been here for a year or two. Just wanted to make a post to see if I'll get any reasonable advice about my life-situation. If not, then I probably won't bother to log in again, since the last time I was here looking for help, I had people saying I was not a Christian at all, and the last thing I want to lose is my faith, cause that's about the only thing I got left.
I guess my main question is: Why is my life falling appart, when I really do believe in Jesus, and despite looking at the ruin that once were my life, I still do believe and I don't think anything can stop me from doing that? I know that having faith don't mean that everything will become perfect, but I do know my bible, and I see clearly that things like peace or joy is something that seem to be totally missing from my life. I don't expect anything from God at all when it comes to this life, but I do hope to be able to find a life where I can live with peace in Him and by that feel gladness about what I have, instead of just wanting more.
I live in an appartment-block filled basically with drug-addicts, and a few old people and refugees that the social service probably didn't know where else to put. And I can hardly walk out the door anymore, cause everyone around here hate me so much that I've been told clearly that they want to use more violence on me, and even kill me, so I have to keep a violence-alarm around at all times, and if someone comes at my door to harm me, I have to run into the bathroom, lock the door, and just wait for the police to arrive. So all I do, all day, is just sitting in here, feeling scared.
I used to be addicted to heroin, but I'm getting better to staying away from both the city and people that I used to be with, and instead just using what the doctor is giving me, but even with all that, I could risk dying from withdrawal if someone stopped giving all the meds to me.
In that life I also used to be a thief, cause I was desperate for money for more drugs, breaking into the homes of others, shop-lifting and in the end arrested for attempting to rob a grocery store with a dirty needle. But because I'm on disability, and severly mentally ill, lots of people are working to find a clinic for me to be in, instead of serving time in jail.
The reason for drug-problems is probably because my ex moved to the other side of the country with our child, and then losing him to the Child Protection, and I had nothing to say, because I had some mental health issues.
I went "out of the closet" some years ago, since everyone could see that I had problems, so I decided to just be honest about myself, but that was not a very good idea I guess, since I got banned from most of my family and I also think that is why I'm hated around here. Because they have someone even lower to pick on. So I'm bisexual, not having an issue with sex though, since I use a kind of medicine to keep my long hair, that makes me virtually chemically castrated. But I don't mind that. It is way better then all the confusion I used to have, maybe because I was sexually abused as a child. I'm also MTF transsexual, hopefully starting hormone-treatment in a month or so, to at least get a relief from the gender-dysphoria (discomfort by biological gender).
And I also have a broad variety of different mental illness diagnosis to complain about.
So I descided to come here, to ask for advice about what to do, since I'm starting to notice myself returning to old ways to find solutions to problems. For example witchcraft. Don't want to describe how, but I put a curse on a neighbour and I know it is somthing real. The last thing I heared about him, is that the curse seem to be working, but I don't want to describe that either, since the effects are so obscene.
Before I became a Christian, I wouldn't have had any of this, maybe except some mental health issues and loads of confusion, to complain about. At least back then I still had friends.
So please let me know, if any of you might see some logic in all of this.
I guess my main question is: Why is my life falling appart, when I really do believe in Jesus, and despite looking at the ruin that once were my life, I still do believe and I don't think anything can stop me from doing that? I know that having faith don't mean that everything will become perfect, but I do know my bible, and I see clearly that things like peace or joy is something that seem to be totally missing from my life. I don't expect anything from God at all when it comes to this life, but I do hope to be able to find a life where I can live with peace in Him and by that feel gladness about what I have, instead of just wanting more.
I live in an appartment-block filled basically with drug-addicts, and a few old people and refugees that the social service probably didn't know where else to put. And I can hardly walk out the door anymore, cause everyone around here hate me so much that I've been told clearly that they want to use more violence on me, and even kill me, so I have to keep a violence-alarm around at all times, and if someone comes at my door to harm me, I have to run into the bathroom, lock the door, and just wait for the police to arrive. So all I do, all day, is just sitting in here, feeling scared.
I used to be addicted to heroin, but I'm getting better to staying away from both the city and people that I used to be with, and instead just using what the doctor is giving me, but even with all that, I could risk dying from withdrawal if someone stopped giving all the meds to me.
In that life I also used to be a thief, cause I was desperate for money for more drugs, breaking into the homes of others, shop-lifting and in the end arrested for attempting to rob a grocery store with a dirty needle. But because I'm on disability, and severly mentally ill, lots of people are working to find a clinic for me to be in, instead of serving time in jail.
The reason for drug-problems is probably because my ex moved to the other side of the country with our child, and then losing him to the Child Protection, and I had nothing to say, because I had some mental health issues.
I went "out of the closet" some years ago, since everyone could see that I had problems, so I decided to just be honest about myself, but that was not a very good idea I guess, since I got banned from most of my family and I also think that is why I'm hated around here. Because they have someone even lower to pick on. So I'm bisexual, not having an issue with sex though, since I use a kind of medicine to keep my long hair, that makes me virtually chemically castrated. But I don't mind that. It is way better then all the confusion I used to have, maybe because I was sexually abused as a child. I'm also MTF transsexual, hopefully starting hormone-treatment in a month or so, to at least get a relief from the gender-dysphoria (discomfort by biological gender).
And I also have a broad variety of different mental illness diagnosis to complain about.
So I descided to come here, to ask for advice about what to do, since I'm starting to notice myself returning to old ways to find solutions to problems. For example witchcraft. Don't want to describe how, but I put a curse on a neighbour and I know it is somthing real. The last thing I heared about him, is that the curse seem to be working, but I don't want to describe that either, since the effects are so obscene.
Before I became a Christian, I wouldn't have had any of this, maybe except some mental health issues and loads of confusion, to complain about. At least back then I still had friends.
So please let me know, if any of you might see some logic in all of this.
