Transgender son

[BlessEwe]

My son came to me about 3 months ago and told me that he was a transgender. I knew right away I had to respond in a way as to not hurt him as so many young people kill themselves over things like this. He is 18 years old and just cried so very hard as he has held this inside himself as a secret since he was around 10 years old.
He knows about God and went through christian schools, I do feel he has been turning his back on God due to the possibility of getting slammed by what many christian's say ( and I will agree about that)
He is in counseling right now ( not christian ) and just graduated high school. When he returns from a trip in 2 weeks he wants to start dressing as a girl, get his hair styled and start wearing woman's cloths.
I am so broken and to tell the truth embarrassed as this is a small town next to a big city and everyone knows us.
There is no doubt in his mind that he will continue being a man.
I am going to support him and love him. I fear for him with all of the crazies out there. If he is home I can keep him as safe as possible.

As a christian mother am I wrong supporting him?

 

[katiekat44]

It depends what you mean by transgender. Some people tend to use it in place of homosexual, when that is something completely different.

If you mean transgender as in still heterosexual (he likes women only), but his sexual identity is as a female (as in he simply feels like the gender roles given to him by society aren't who he is), then no. He only wants to dress, act, and feel like women commonly do, and I believe that completely fine. God gave us our sex (male or female) but society pushed identities on us, which we can reject if we choose. You are not wrong in supporting him. In fact, I think it's the right thing to do. I understand you might feel embarrassed by his actions, but keeping strong is what he needs, and I applaud you for that.

 

[Cuddles333]

Transgender son
My son came to me about 3 months ago and told me that he was a transgender. I knew right away I had to respond in a way as to not hurt him as so many young people kill themselves over things like this. He is 18 years old and just cried so very hard as he has held this inside himself as a secret since he was around 10 years old.
He knows about God and went through christian schools, I do feel he has been turning his back on God due to the possibility of getting slammed by what many christian's say ( and I will agree about that)
He is in counseling right now ( not christian ) and just graduated high school. When he returns from a trip in 2 weeks he wants to start dressing as a girl, get his hair styled and start wearing woman's cloths.
I am so broken and to tell the truth embarrassed as this is a small town next to a big city and everyone knows us.
There is no doubt in his mind that he will continue being a man.
I am going to support him and love him. I fear for him with all of the crazies out there. If he is home I can keep him as safe as possible.

As a christian mother am I wrong supporting him?


I am puzzled concerning your saying that in his mind he will continue being a man. I am also puzzled that you never detected this in your son long before he was 10 years old. I do not think that the people in your small town will be 'blown away' that he has 'come out' because it was more than likely due to their constant pressure on him that resulted in his confession. She will need your full support for quite a while. Until she reaches a level of strength where she can stand out in the world on her own. It will be much easier on her if and when she can undergo the operation that is needed for her to function normally in the world.

 

[KellyJ]

Not at all BlessEwe! As a person who has walked in your daughter's shoes, I can attest she needs you more than ever. Too many parents disown their kids after such disclosure and I have seen first hand what it does to these individuals. Love her, support her, and stand by her through this process and I guarantee you will have a much closer relationship then you've ever experienced.


May God bless you and your daughter.

Kelly

 

[brightmorningstar]

The fear is caused by a conflict and confusion. We all have feelings and temptations to deal with, the conflict is set up by those who say dont let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you becuase you are LGBT sexual.
The message we need to get across is, dont let anyone tell you, you are wrong to know who you are in Christ and facing struggles like everyone else, in Christ you are loved and accepted, and an overcomer.

 

[BlessEwe]

I am puzzled concerning your saying that in his mind he will continue being a man. I am also puzzled that you never detected this in your son long before he was 10 years old. I do not think that the people in your small town will be 'blown away' that he has 'come out' because it was more than likely due to their constant pressure on him that resulted in his confession. She will need your full support for quite a while. Until she reaches a level of strength where she can stand out in the world on her own. It will be much easier on her if and when she can undergo the operation that is needed for her to function normally in the world.

I reread what I wrote, and I am not sure why I wrote that lol. ( In his mind he will always be a man.. lol I have no idea so disregard that.

As far as not knowing.. He is not feminine at all, I started to notice some depression, and grades dropping in school, and couldn't figure it out. It all comes together for me now.

 

[BlessEwe]

Not at all BlessEwe! As a person who has walked in your daughter's shoes, I can attest she needs you more than ever. Too many parents disown their kids after such disclosure and I have seen first hand what it does to these individuals. Love her, support her, and stand by her through this process and I guarantee you will have a much closer relationship then you've ever experienced.


May God bless you and your daughter.

Kelly

I sent you a PM, Thank you.

 

[BlessEwe]

The fear is caused by a conflict and confusion. We all have feelings and temptations to deal with, the conflict is set up by those who say dont let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you becuase you are LGBT sexual.
The message we need to get across is, dont let anyone tell you, you are wrong to know who you are in Christ and facing struggles like everyone else, in Christ you are loved and accepted, and an overcomer.

Thank you so very much.

 

[talitha]

I can't believe people are in here calling your son "she". Way to further degrade the man God created him to be. It's good that he is in counseling, but I don't understand why he would be in nonChristian counseling. All of us were "born this way" - ie: with a propensity to sin - but Jesus died so that we didn't have to stay this way. As a Christian mom you should be seeking healing for your son's damaged heart, IMHO.

 

[brightmorningstar]

As a christian mother am I wrong supporting him?

No you are not wrong in supporting him and he will eventually make his own decisions. What you need to be careful in is encourging him in anything that is wrong rather than supporting.

You say your son. If your son has gender dysphoria then he cant really dress as a women. He should either look to a sex change or live with it. His sex at the moment is male.
It doesnt help children in a world where there are deternined lunatics such as the parents in Canada recently who are leaving the sex of their child to the child, thats irresponsible nonsense and child abuse. Such confusion in the world doenst help children.

Knowing about God isnt the same as knowing that his identity in Christ is neither male nor female, any disablity any of us have is not our identity in Christ.

 

[SnowyMacie]

As everyone has said before, you shouldn't feel bad about supporting him. Our identity is in Christ, not in the place between our legs. You are doing the right thing by showing your love and Christ's love to him. Love and support are the two most important things he needs right now.

As far as not knowing.. He is not feminine at all, I started to notice some depression, and grades dropping in school, and couldn't figure it out. It all comes together for me now.

Don't feel bad about not knowing. You may have noticed some small instances here and there but overall most transgender people, pre-surgery, you would have no way of knowing unless they told you. I am TG (pre-transition) and I played varsity baseball and overall am a decently masculine person. There are some small ways my secret feminine side comes out and the only person I have ever told (besides a therapist) never really noticed I even do those things until I pointed them out.
Either way, continue to love and support him.
God bless y'all.

 

[KellyJ]

Don't feel bad about not knowing. You may have noticed some small instances here and there but overall most transgender people, pre-surgery, you would have no way of knowing unless they told you. I am TG (pre-transition) and I played varsity baseball and overall am a decently masculine person. There are some small ways my secret feminine side comes out and the only person I have ever told (besides a therapist) never really noticed I even do those things until I pointed them out.
Either way, continue to love and support him.
God bless y'all.

That is an excellent point acuwildcat. I too, hid this so well, my parents did not see it either. The stigma associated with this condition makes one from the earliest age learn how to act a part and role in order to fit in. Many of us go the extreme, working out, diving into sports, joining the military, doing anything masculine in order to hide our true identity.

Parents should never feel at fault for not knowing, nor should they ever feel at fault for how they raised their child. This condition has nothing to do with how a child was nurtured, but more in how he or she was created.

Kelly

 

[SnowyMacie]

That is an excellent point acuwildcat. I too, hid this so well, my parents did not see it either. The stigma associated with this condition makes one from the earliest age learn how to act a part and role in order to fit in. Many of us go the extreme, working out, diving into sports, joining the military, doing anything masculine in order to hide our true identity.

Parents should never feel at fault for not knowing, nor should they ever feel at fault for how they raised their child. This condition has nothing to do with how a child was nurtured, but more in how he or she was created.

Kelly

True, although I think it has to do with more of my personality and DNA that I was in sports (I come from a heavily athletic family). Even if I was born female I would've ended up in sports anyway.

And a good point Kelly, there is growing more and more evidence that this condition actually starts due to excess in estrogen in crucial stages of fetal development, and again not the mother's (or your) fault.

 

[KellyJ]

I can't believe people are in here calling your son "she". Way to further degrade the man God created him to be. It's good that he is in counseling, but I don't understand why he would be in nonChristian counseling. All of us were "born this way" - ie: with a propensity to sin - but Jesus died so that we didn't have to stay this way. As a Christian mom you should be seeking healing for your son's damaged heart, IMHO.

Talitha,

Although, I respect your view, I disagree with it. This condition has no more to do with the propensity to sin than a child who can't control his social skills because of autism.

To neglect this child from seeking medical care is inhumane to say the least. If you are like many of the Christians I've endured attacks from, you really do not understand the core of this issue. It's biological and not psychological. The longer this child prolongs treatment, the worst it becomes.

I know, as I've walked in her shoes. However, I waited until I was 40 and nearly checked out of life. The brain is wired to receive either testosterone or estrogen. One cannot just wake up one day and decide to change genders and begin taking cross hormonal drugs. These hormones are powerful and can cause one to be chemically off kiltered if given to a brain that was not designed for it.

After facing this huge giant, I can honestly say I've never been so happy in my life. It has brought me closer to God and given me a chance to serve Him in communities that are neglected by most in society to include orphans in third world countries with HIV.

I highly encourage you to look at some of the facts Zoe Brain has posted on another post concerning Gender Dysphoria, and not cast out stones to this mom who is wanting to support her son/daughter. She's doing the right thing.

Respectfully,

Kelly

 

[talitha]

That's okay. I have all the truth I need in the Word of God and in reality itself. The mama asked whether or not she is doing the right thing, and she deserves to have more than just yes men/women around her.

 

[Verticordious]

If you son was truly transgender you would have known a long time ago. A doctor would have noticed something early on if there was something noticeably wrong with his development. He may have some hormonal and psychological issues going on, but he is clearly not a woman.

As a mother you have a very strong influence on your children, even if they are already close to being adults. You have a responsibility to him and to God to tell him the truth, that he is a man. You should find someone in your area who is experienced with men with treating gender identity disorder and get him help, not be listening to these people here who are simply interested in gathering around themselves a group to tell them what their itching ears want to hear.

 

[SonOfTheWest]

If you son was truly transgender you would have known a long time ago. A doctor would have noticed something early on if there was something noticeably wrong with his development. He may have some hormonal and psychological issues going on, but he is clearly not a woman.

As a mother you have a very strong influence on your children, even if they are already close to being adults. You have a responsibility to him and to God to tell him the truth, that he is a man. You should find someone in your area who is experienced with men with treating gender identity disorder and get him help, not be listening to these people here who are simply interested in gathering around themselves a group to tell them what their itching ears want to hear.

I'm betting that Verticordious is not really educated or trained in a profession necessary to properly evaluate such a person IN PERSON let alone play armchair psychologist across the internet. There are reasons why places that for example, determine if a person is eligable for sex reassignment surgery must go through a battery of tests and other things before it is determined if they are truely transgender and that the surgery is the best option for them. Better a real and ethically sound professional work with a young man or woman to determine their biopsychological state than people who are in no position to make any informed commentary on the matter.

 

[hedrick]

I don't claim to be an expert. I have an employee who changed from male to female while working for me. I have mixed feelings. She seems more self-confident as a woman, but it also seems to be creating health issues because of the continuing drugs. Forcing your body to be something it isn't over a period of decades has its disadvantages. (This situation might be different for someone born with ambiguous sex, of course.)

You might want to accept his judgement but help him consider alternatives. We try to push specific roles on kids of both sexes, which may well not be appropriate. I can't help wondering whether there's some way short of surgery that a guy who doesn't feel like a traditional man can explore approaches that aren't consistent with our stereotypes of what a man should be. Of course dressing as a woman is one way of doing that, although these days kids don't dress that much differently anyway. How much of a problem that would be depends upon how open his friends are. I think the kids in our church would be willing to support a classmate in such a situation if they had a chance to talk it through, but i'm pretty sure that's not always the case. He certainly isn't going to want to just show up at work, in church or school dressed as a woman without some previous conversation with his friends.

You are absolutely right to continue supporting him.

 

[Jase]

I can't believe people are in here calling your son "she". Way to further degrade the man God created him to be. It's good that he is in counseling, but I don't understand why he would be in nonChristian counseling. All of us were "born this way" - ie: with a propensity to sin - but Jesus died so that we didn't have to stay this way. As a Christian mom you should be seeking healing for your son's damaged heart, IMHO.

Because Christian counselors are rarely equipped to deal with Transgender issues and will likely cause further permanent psychological damage by telling him to "pray the issue away".

 

[Jase]

That's okay. I have all the truth I need in the Word of God and in reality itself. The mama asked whether or not she is doing the right thing, and she deserves to have more than just yes men/women around her.

Transgenderism was completely unknown in Biblical days, so relying on the Bible will get you no where. And Jesus is the Word of God, not a book. And he said nothing about it.