I was hoping for some christian advice since my anger has made me blind. My father has been toxic and viciously cruel to me as long as i remember., using me for the butt of his jokes, insulting me openly and letting me know I'll never figure things out on my own. He praises anyone else including my two sisters(im his onlyson) and his friends children comparing them to me. He's a local public figure that everyone loves and adores. He's the reason i didn't want to have children but i now have a daughter myself and love her very much. I could care less about him and usually blow him off when i can't avoid him. The problem is I have uncontrolable amounts of anger and resentment i cant let go of. This is toxic to me and i stay awake at nights dwelling on it while it probably helps him sleep. Am i a spoiled attention seeking brat? Or do I have a real reason to be afraid for my health. I have shown no similar behavior with my daugter so i dont fear for her but there is a giant tear of hatred and resentment inside of and no matter how much i pray i cant let go of it. If anyone else can relate or offer positive critism/advice i openly accept it, as its almost 2 in the morning now and I again dwell on it.
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toxic relationship
- Thread starter alwaysquestioningmyself
- Start date
Resentment and anger is not good for you. Jesus said that if you are angry with someone you should tell them you forgive them before you go to sleep (I dont have my bible so I dont know exactly where that is.) Essentially if you are mad at him today, you will be mad at hi tommarow. What is your fathers religous stance? Would he listen from a Christian POV?
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joey_downunder
big sister
There are two sides to the coin, the second is usually forgotten:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4 )
Do you think these feelings you are experiencing are the result of your father's genuine mistreatment of you? Children of abusive parents are justified in being angry for what has been done to/not done for them. Using that righteous anger for justice and NOT revenge/bitterness is the very hard part. God can use this bad for good, but you've got to let him take control of your situation.
This site is written for daughters but perhaps sons don't report it as much? I think you'll benefit from it anyway. Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families
P.S. does your father sound like this? Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) : Traits discussed
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4 )
Do you think these feelings you are experiencing are the result of your father's genuine mistreatment of you? Children of abusive parents are justified in being angry for what has been done to/not done for them. Using that righteous anger for justice and NOT revenge/bitterness is the very hard part. God can use this bad for good, but you've got to let him take control of your situation.
This site is written for daughters but perhaps sons don't report it as much? I think you'll benefit from it anyway. Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families
P.S. does your father sound like this? Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) : Traits discussed
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heirmiles
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- Apr 14, 2012
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Hi Alwaysquestioningmyself,
It can be really difficult growing up in a family where there is a lot of 'public attention'. I grew up as a "bureaubrat" but my Dad was able to keep his work life and home life separate, which over the years I have come to really appreciate. Yet, it can be hard when your Dad's in the spotlight and things trickle down so that your friend's families, or even your friends end up criticizing him. It can be difficult in trying not to take it personally.
Pastor's kids, and missionary kids live in similar situations, as so can deacon's kids. (the proverbial PKs, MKs, and DKs). It can also mean that in growing up our Dad's might not be as accessible as we compare our home-lives to other people's home-lives. As children we can grow up with a real sense of resentment which builds over the years. We don't necessarily appreciate the amount of sacrifice our Dad's are making, as we only see a lack of 'personal presence'.
It can be difficult to understand the 'habits and attitudes' our Dad's have when it comes to their hopes for our success. They look at what helped them to succeed and try to "pass down" their wisdom, only it ends up coming out as criticism when they are trying to speak to us from a sense of love. Yet sometimes it spreads into regular conversation and the sense of love is lost, turning into 'humorous spite'. The kind of stuff that public figures have to deal with on a daily basis. Honestly I think it may be out of a sense of attempting to motivate, unfortunately it can be hard to deal with as both as a child and as an adult child.
Criticism is always difficult to deal with regardless of the motivation. As children (even as adult children) it is very natural to want our parent's approval and respect, and eventually most parents are extremely proud of their children. It simply may take time for them to express it.
It can be really difficult growing up in a family where there is a lot of 'public attention'. I grew up as a "bureaubrat" but my Dad was able to keep his work life and home life separate, which over the years I have come to really appreciate. Yet, it can be hard when your Dad's in the spotlight and things trickle down so that your friend's families, or even your friends end up criticizing him. It can be difficult in trying not to take it personally.
Pastor's kids, and missionary kids live in similar situations, as so can deacon's kids. (the proverbial PKs, MKs, and DKs). It can also mean that in growing up our Dad's might not be as accessible as we compare our home-lives to other people's home-lives. As children we can grow up with a real sense of resentment which builds over the years. We don't necessarily appreciate the amount of sacrifice our Dad's are making, as we only see a lack of 'personal presence'.
It can be difficult to understand the 'habits and attitudes' our Dad's have when it comes to their hopes for our success. They look at what helped them to succeed and try to "pass down" their wisdom, only it ends up coming out as criticism when they are trying to speak to us from a sense of love. Yet sometimes it spreads into regular conversation and the sense of love is lost, turning into 'humorous spite'. The kind of stuff that public figures have to deal with on a daily basis. Honestly I think it may be out of a sense of attempting to motivate, unfortunately it can be hard to deal with as both as a child and as an adult child.
Criticism is always difficult to deal with regardless of the motivation. As children (even as adult children) it is very natural to want our parent's approval and respect, and eventually most parents are extremely proud of their children. It simply may take time for them to express it.
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