toxic christian parents

[not interested]

It's a delicate subject to talk about, I get along very well with my mother and we have a healthy relationship,but I know that many don't, in fact my grandmother was a religious fanatic and, with all due respect, abusive towards my mother and uncles, but my mother didn't lose her faith, which is good, right!
But when I hear an atheist talking about his religious fanatic parents, I feel a lot of sympathy for him. Because in fact most of the time he is right, you know parents who hit their children while they said Bible verses etc.
Of course, there are cases where parents really weren't bad people, they just put a few more rules in their homes.
But the case that struck me the most was one I read on reddit
In this case, the parents had good intentions, they spoke the truth, they were not bad people but they had serious defects
according to the son
the problems were political and religious fanaticism, not in terms of opinion, but in every meeting he had and has with his parents, they didn't stop talking about religion and politics
the second problem was the lack of space and psychological pressure
At 18 he became an atheist and started dating
His parents started putting some psychological pressure on him and his mother started crying saying things I know you're having sex, and they started begging him and his fiancée to go back to being Christians or they would go to hell, in every personal encounter. that they had,
the third problem is hypocrisy, when the son said he was going to live with his girlfriend, the father said that in the past if a woman lived with a man without getting married she was despised by society and rightly so, and the son discovered later that the parents lived together without getting married for 1 year,
I would like to hear opinions, on the one hand I understand the parents' desperation in knowing that their son could be condemned, but on the other hand I understand him wanting to move, I'm being modernist, I'm wrong in my thinking?

 

[Runningman]

It's a delicate subject to talk about, I get along very well with my mother and we have a healthy relationship, but I know that many don't, in fact my grandmother was a religious fanatic and, with all due respect, abusive towards my mother and uncles, but my mother didn't lose her faith, which is good, right!
But when I hear an atheist talking about his religious fanatic parents, I feel a lot of sympathy for him. Because in fact most of the time he is right, you know parents who hit their children while they said Bible verses etc.
Of course, there are cases where parents really weren't bad people, they just put a few more rules in their homes.
But the case that struck me the most was one I read on reddit
In this case, the parents had good intentions, they spoke the truth, they were not bad people but they had serious defects
according to the son
the problems were political and religious fanaticism, not in terms of opinion, but in every meeting he had and has with his parents, they didn't stop talking about religion and politics
the second problem was the lack of space and psychological pressure
At 18 he became an atheist and started dating
His parents started putting some psychological pressure on him and his mother started crying saying things I know you're having sex, and they started begging him and his fiancée to go back to being Christians or they would go to hell, in every personal encounter. that they had,
the third problem is hypocrisy, when the son said he was going to live with his girlfriend, the father said that in the past if a woman lived with a man without getting married she was despised by society and rightly so, and the son discovered later that the parents lived together without getting married for 1 year,
I would like to hear opinions, on the one hand I understand the parents' desperation in knowing that their son could be condemned, but on the other hand I understand him wanting to move, I'm being modernist, I'm wrong in my thinking?

His parents are conservative in their thinking, but it's possible for an unmarried man to live in the same home as a woman without committing fornication. Though it would probably difficult and unwise for a practicing Christian to put his/her self in a situation where they could be tempted to have pre-marital sex, which is almost like an oxymoron anyway. There isn't a lot of instruction on marriage requirements in the New Testament aside from that it is living together and having sex is what consummates a marriage; without "becoming one flesh" there is not a valid marriage from a Biblical perspective. If they live together and have sex they are technically married, just not in a legal sense.

On the other hand, if it would create a problem for him in his community and make him a social outcast, ostracized, and/or shunned then I don't see a good reason why they should live together. Any reason why they just can't go ahead and get a marriage certificate at the court house and wear some rings? That seems like it would pretty much resolve all of the complaints and problems.

 

[YorkieGal]

There is no such thing as a toxic Christian unless those Christians are teaching/acting in the ways of the world and not in the ways of God. Then, they are not toxic but they are false.

A parent wanting to save their kid from making the same mistakes they did is not a hypocrite. A hypocrite would be someone who says something and does another - not someone who says something because they have done something - and have learned and now want to teach on this basis.

The bible says a lot of things are sinful that society tries to accept and push on others as 'normal' and, as a result, when Christians highlight the contradictions they are viewed as 'toxic' since it is much more convenient to accept the ways of the world especially when those ways are sinful desires of an individual.

Christians cannot bow to this and must teach, guide and challenge sinful behavior and false doctrine to ensure they are upholding the values of God and assisting all towards being saved as per the word and will of God.

Also, the world likes to conflate discipline and abuse. They are not the same. The bible advocates for discipline of children.

This link may help:

15 Important Bible Verses About Spanking Children

Bible verses about spanking children Nowhere in Scripture does it condone child abuse, but it does recommend disciplining your children. A little spanking wouldn't hurt. It's meant to teach children right from wrong. If you don't discipline your child it will be a higher chance that your child...

biblereasons.com

 

[Rescued One]

There is no such thing as a toxic Christian unless those Christians are teaching/acting in the ways of the world and not in the ways of God. Then, they are not toxic but they are false.

A toxic Christian is not a Christian. The Bible says we will know them by their fruits.

 

[YorkieGal]

A toxic Christian is not a Christian. The Bible says we will know them by their fruits.

Yes, I think we are saying the same thing

 

[Stephen3141]

It's a delicate subject to talk about, I get along very well with my mother and we have a healthy relationship,but I know that many don't, in fact my grandmother was a religious fanatic and, with all due respect, abusive towards my mother and uncles, but my mother didn't lose her faith, which is good, right!
But when I hear an atheist talking about his religious fanatic parents, I feel a lot of sympathy for him. Because in fact most of the time he is right, you know parents who hit their children while they said Bible verses etc.
Of course, there are cases where parents really weren't bad people, they just put a few more rules in their homes.
But the case that struck me the most was one I read on reddit
In this case, the parents had good intentions, they spoke the truth, they were not bad people but they had serious defects
according to the son
the problems were political and religious fanaticism, not in terms of opinion, but in every meeting he had and has with his parents, they didn't stop talking about religion and politics
the second problem was the lack of space and psychological pressure
At 18 he became an atheist and started dating
His parents started putting some psychological pressure on him and his mother started crying saying things I know you're having sex, and they started begging him and his fiancée to go back to being Christians or they would go to hell, in every personal encounter. that they had,
the third problem is hypocrisy, when the son said he was going to live with his girlfriend, the father said that in the past if a woman lived with a man without getting married she was despised by society and rightly so, and the son discovered later that the parents lived together without getting married for 1 year,
I would like to hear opinions, on the one hand I understand the parents' desperation in knowing that their son could be condemned, but on the other hand I understand him wanting to move, I'm being modernist, I'm wrong in my thinking?

You are asking important questions.

I would point out a few things...

1 No one can pick the parents they have
2 ALL parents have their own problems
3 Usually, we ALL wish that we had grown up with different parents
4 At some point in our lives, we ALL need to evaluate whether or not
our parents did a good job in raising us. This is always difficult.
Some people never do it.

There are some difficult truths that we should consider...

-- Many of our parents were first generation Christians.
They changed their lives a lot, to become Christians
They may not have really had their auto together, though, as Christians.

-- God knew who our parents would be.
We do not have to assume that God made a bad mistake, giving us
the parents that we have.
God's help to us, is strong enough to overcome all the problems that
we think our parents caused, for us.

-- At some point, we need to take responsibility for our own lives,
and struggle to become mature Christians.

These are not really easy ideas.
These are not entitlement ideas.
Having great parents, is apparently NOT a human right.

But, God can help us overcome any difficult early life,
that we had.

 

[Larniavc]

It's a delicate subject to talk about, I get along very well with my mother and we have a healthy relationship,but I know that many don't, in fact my grandmother was a religious fanatic and, with all due respect, abusive towards my mother and uncles, but my mother didn't lose her faith, which is good, right!
But when I hear an atheist talking about his religious fanatic parents, I feel a lot of sympathy for him. Because in fact most of the time he is right, you know parents who hit their children while they said Bible verses etc.
Of course, there are cases where parents really weren't bad people, they just put a few more rules in their homes.
But the case that struck me the most was one I read on reddit
In this case, the parents had good intentions, they spoke the truth, they were not bad people but they had serious defects
according to the son
the problems were political and religious fanaticism, not in terms of opinion, but in every meeting he had and has with his parents, they didn't stop talking about religion and politics
the second problem was the lack of space and psychological pressure
At 18 he became an atheist and started dating
His parents started putting some psychological pressure on him and his mother started crying saying things I know you're having sex, and they started begging him and his fiancée to go back to being Christians or they would go to hell, in every personal encounter. that they had,
the third problem is hypocrisy, when the son said he was going to live with his girlfriend, the father said that in the past if a woman lived with a man without getting married she was despised by society and rightly so, and the son discovered later that the parents lived together without getting married for 1 year,
I would like to hear opinions, on the one hand I understand the parents' desperation in knowing that their son could be condemned, but on the other hand I understand him wanting to move, I'm being modernist, I'm wrong in my thinking?

There is a lot of hypocrisy that seems to be concentrated in people who make a point of telling people how to live.

Case in point is the MFL leader who was having threesomes. That’s just how people are. That’s why listening to other people laying down rules or insisting other people obey your rules for behaviour (unless it causes harm of course) is a time consuming unrewarding endeavour.

 

[ViaCrucis]

A toxic Christian is not a Christian. The Bible says we will know them by their fruits.

The implication--and error--of this way of thinking is not only does it create a kind of "No True Scotsman" fallacy; but it paints a false portrait of being a Christian.

Christians are sinners, the same as anyone else. Christians fail, we sin. We sin a lot.

St. Paul speaks of the Christian paradox--that we are simul iustus et peccator, both saints and sinners--in Romans ch. 7. The role of the Law in exposing our sin means that the more we try to obey God the more sinful we actually discover ourselves to be. That it is as though sin were a wild beast, ready to strike, a force of nature within our own bodily members. So that what we know we shouldn't do, we do; even as we fail to do what we should do.

Toxicity in the Christian is sin. And the remedy, according to Scripture, is repentance. The Law must be preached that the old man be put to death, we are sinners, God have mercy on us and save us. The promise of God is that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of our unrighteousness--and the Gospel is proclaimed by which we have that forgiveness, that mercy, that word of God which declares us forgiven for Christ's sake.

Sin, left to fester, erodes at us, gnaws at us, it sears the conscience so that it ceases to be reliable, because we quench the Spirit, we shut our ears to hear, we close our eyes so that we cannot see. And the cancer grows--and it very well may kill us, destroy us, unless it is nipped in the bud--that is why we must always mortify our flesh through the Law, and always cleave to Christ in faith through the Gospel, for by grace alone are we saved, we live alone by mercy. For all that we have comes from God, by His perfect love toward us; we must therefore always abide in Christ, abide at His cross, humble, grieving over our sin, rejoicing in God's forgiveness--that even as Christ lives so too do we live, and have life everlasting.

Any one of us who calls Christ Lord can spiral into the darkness--not because of God's unfaithfulness, but because we depart from God in Christ seeking our own "righteousness" apart from Christ, by choosing our own way rather than God's. And unless the Law hammers down, and the Gospel rescues and lifts us up; simultaneously killing the old man, the old Adam within us and giving life to the new man which is in Christ, then the warning stands, "there is sin that leads unto death" as St. John says in his epistle. Not all sin is deadly, but there is sin that is. The tongue is a tiny bodily member, but the tongue is an untamed beast says St. James, making hypocrites of us all, "With the tongue we bless our God and Father, and with our tongue we curse our fellow man created in His image. My brothers, this should not be so."

The danger in saying "there are no toxic Christians" or denying that such can exist within a Christian, is that it can lead us to a terrible place where we refuse to acknowledge it in ourselves, we stop recognizing that we are the problem, we are sinners, that our sin is a deep wrong which we need to rush and fall prostrate before God's throne of mercy and plead His grace, clinging to Christ and Christ's word and promise. We cease coming boldly before the Throne of Mercy and shut ourselves off from God--from the Holy Spirit who is always drawing us to Christ, cursing the inheritance we have received from the Father, trampling over the cross of Jesus Christ.

There are toxic Christians, and often it's us. Lord have mercy on us sinners. Jesus save us.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Rescued One]

But, God can help us overcome any difficult early life,
that we had.

God helps me survive but it isn't what you would call EASY.

 

[HIM]

It's a delicate subject to talk about, I get along very well with my mother and we have a healthy relationship,but I know that many don't, in fact my grandmother was a religious fanatic and, with all due respect, abusive towards my mother and uncles, but my mother didn't lose her faith, which is good, right!
But when I hear an atheist talking about his religious fanatic parents, I feel a lot of sympathy for him. Because in fact most of the time he is right, you know parents who hit their children while they said Bible verses etc.
Of course, there are cases where parents really weren't bad people, they just put a few more rules in their homes.
But the case that struck me the most was one I read on reddit
In this case, the parents had good intentions, they spoke the truth, they were not bad people but they had serious defects
according to the son
the problems were political and religious fanaticism, not in terms of opinion, but in every meeting he had and has with his parents, they didn't stop talking about religion and politics
the second problem was the lack of space and psychological pressure
At 18 he became an atheist and started dating
His parents started putting some psychological pressure on him and his mother started crying saying things I know you're having sex, and they started begging him and his fiancée to go back to being Christians or they would go to hell, in every personal encounter. that they had,
the third problem is hypocrisy, when the son said he was going to live with his girlfriend, the father said that in the past if a woman lived with a man without getting married she was despised by society and rightly so, and the son discovered later that the parents lived together without getting married for 1 year,
I would like to hear opinions, on the one hand I understand the parents' desperation in knowing that their son could be condemned, but on the other hand I understand him wanting to move, I'm being modernist, I'm wrong in my thinking?

Reality. Just because someone professes that they are a Christian doesn’t mean they are.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It's a delicate subject to talk about, I get along very well with my mother and we have a healthy relationship,but I know that many don't, in fact my grandmother was a religious fanatic and, with all due respect, abusive towards my mother and uncles, but my mother didn't lose her faith, which is good, right!
But when I hear an atheist talking about his religious fanatic parents, I feel a lot of sympathy for him. Because in fact most of the time he is right, you know parents who hit their children while they said Bible verses etc.
Of course, there are cases where parents really weren't bad people, they just put a few more rules in their homes.
But the case that struck me the most was one I read on reddit
In this case, the parents had good intentions, they spoke the truth, they were not bad people but they had serious defects
according to the son
the problems were political and religious fanaticism, not in terms of opinion, but in every meeting he had and has with his parents, they didn't stop talking about religion and politics
the second problem was the lack of space and psychological pressure
At 18 he became an atheist and started dating
His parents started putting some psychological pressure on him and his mother started crying saying things I know you're having sex, and they started begging him and his fiancée to go back to being Christians or they would go to hell, in every personal encounter. that they had,
the third problem is hypocrisy, when the son said he was going to live with his girlfriend, the father said that in the past if a woman lived with a man without getting married she was despised by society and rightly so, and the son discovered later that the parents lived together without getting married for 1 year,
I would like to hear opinions, on the one hand I understand the parents' desperation in knowing that their son could be condemned, but on the other hand I understand him wanting to move, I'm being modernist, I'm wrong in my thinking?

When it comes to being a parent, you instill in them the skills to live, universal values, and sometimes your flavor of those values through the eyes of whatever your interpretation of your religion is. When it comes to being a good parent, you acknowledge that when you do the latter that they may not sign on to your faith so you teach them the keys to make good choices outside of that parameter. That is the best you can do.

If that now adult child is living with a SO, no longer whatever faith, and living according to practices that are acceptable but not consistent with your faith, that’s certainly their prerogative. I don’t see the point of “punishing” them for not complying to your particular ideology, other than spite and control. Ultimately, they will do what they do with or without you and I’ve seen far too many people die on the hill of strict religious interpretations at the expense of family relationships. My own in laws, for a time, as an example.

 

[dlamberth]

Reality. Just because someone professes that they are a Christian doesn’t mean they are.

It doesn't mean they aren't Christians.

 

[HIM]

It doesn't mean they aren't Christians.

That we take for granted. Most profess not knowing what they profess

 

[The Liturgist]

The implication--and error--of this way of thinking is not only does it create a kind of "No True Scotsman" fallacy; but it paints a false portrait of being a Christian.

Christians are sinners, the same as anyone else. Christians fail, we sin. We sin a lot.

St. Paul speaks of the Christian paradox--that we are simul iustus et peccator, both saints and sinners--in Romans ch. 7. The role of the Law in exposing our sin means that the more we try to obey God the more sinful we actually discover ourselves to be. That it is as though sin were a wild beast, ready to strike, a force of nature within our own bodily members. So that what we know we shouldn't do, we do; even as we fail to do what we should do.

Toxicity in the Christian is sin. And the remedy, according to Scripture, is repentance. The Law must be preached that the old man be put to death, we are sinners, God have mercy on us and save us. The promise of God is that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of our unrighteousness--and the Gospel is proclaimed by which we have that forgiveness, that mercy, that word of God which declares us forgiven for Christ's sake.

Sin, left to fester, erodes at us, gnaws at us, it sears the conscience so that it ceases to be reliable, because we quench the Spirit, we shut our ears to hear, we close our eyes so that we cannot see. And the cancer grows--and it very well may kill us, destroy us, unless it is nipped in the bud--that is why we must always mortify our flesh through the Law, and always cleave to Christ in faith through the Gospel, for by grace alone are we saved, we live alone by mercy. For all that we have comes from God, by His perfect love toward us; we must therefore always abide in Christ, abide at His cross, humble, grieving over our sin, rejoicing in God's forgiveness--that even as Christ lives so too do we live, and have life everlasting.

Any one of us who calls Christ Lord can spiral into the darkness--not because of God's unfaithfulness, but because we depart from God in Christ seeking our own "righteousness" apart from Christ, by choosing our own way rather than God's. And unless the Law hammers down, and the Gospel rescues and lifts us up; simultaneously killing the old man, the old Adam within us and giving life to the new man which is in Christ, then the warning stands, "there is sin that leads unto death" as St. John says in his epistle. Not all sin is deadly, but there is sin that is. The tongue is a tiny bodily member, but the tongue is an untamed beast says St. James, making hypocrites of us all, "With the tongue we bless our God and Father, and with our tongue we curse our fellow man created in His image. My brothers, this should not be so."

The danger in saying "there are no toxic Christians" or denying that such can exist within a Christian, is that it can lead us to a terrible place where we refuse to acknowledge it in ourselves, we stop recognizing that we are the problem, we are sinners, that our sin is a deep wrong which we need to rush and fall prostrate before God's throne of mercy and plead His grace, clinging to Christ and Christ's word and promise. We cease coming boldly before the Throne of Mercy and shut ourselves off from God--from the Holy Spirit who is always drawing us to Christ, cursing the inheritance we have received from the Father, trampling over the cross of Jesus Christ.

There are toxic Christians, and often it's us. Lord have mercy on us sinners. Jesus save us.

-CryptoLutheran

Indeed so

 

[Rescued One]

The implication--and error--of this way of thinking is not only does it create a kind of "No True Scotsman" fallacy; but it paints a false portrait of being a Christian.

Christians are sinners, the same as anyone else. Christians fail, we sin. We sin a lot.

St. Paul speaks of the Christian paradox--that we are simul iustus et peccator, both saints and sinners--in Romans ch. 7. The role of the Law in exposing our sin means that the more we try to obey God the more sinful we actually discover ourselves to be. That it is as though sin were a wild beast, ready to strike, a force of nature within our own bodily members. So that what we know we shouldn't do, we do; even as we fail to do what we should do.

Toxicity in the Christian is sin. And the remedy, according to Scripture, is repentance. The Law must be preached that the old man be put to death, we are sinners, God have mercy on us and save us. The promise of God is that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of our unrighteousness--and the Gospel is proclaimed by which we have that forgiveness, that mercy, that word of God which declares us forgiven for Christ's sake.

Sin, left to fester, erodes at us, gnaws at us, it sears the conscience so that it ceases to be reliable, because we quench the Spirit, we shut our ears to hear, we close our eyes so that we cannot see. And the cancer grows--and it very well may kill us, destroy us, unless it is nipped in the bud--that is why we must always mortify our flesh through the Law, and always cleave to Christ in faith through the Gospel, for by grace alone are we saved, we live alone by mercy. For all that we have comes from God, by His perfect love toward us; we must therefore always abide in Christ, abide at His cross, humble, grieving over our sin, rejoicing in God's forgiveness--that even as Christ lives so too do we live, and have life everlasting.

Any one of us who calls Christ Lord can spiral into the darkness--not because of God's unfaithfulness, but because we depart from God in Christ seeking our own "righteousness" apart from Christ, by choosing our own way rather than God's. And unless the Law hammers down, and the Gospel rescues and lifts us up; simultaneously killing the old man, the old Adam within us and giving life to the new man which is in Christ, then the warning stands, "there is sin that leads unto death" as St. John says in his epistle. Not all sin is deadly, but there is sin that is. The tongue is a tiny bodily member, but the tongue is an untamed beast says St. James, making hypocrites of us all, "With the tongue we bless our God and Father, and with our tongue we curse our fellow man created in His image. My brothers, this should not be so."

The danger in saying "there are no toxic Christians" or denying that such can exist within a Christian, is that it can lead us to a terrible place where we refuse to acknowledge it in ourselves, we stop recognizing that we are the problem, we are sinners, that our sin is a deep wrong which we need to rush and fall prostrate before God's throne of mercy and plead His grace, clinging to Christ and Christ's word and promise. We cease coming boldly before the Throne of Mercy and shut ourselves off from God--from the Holy Spirit who is always drawing us to Christ, cursing the inheritance we have received from the Father, trampling over the cross of Jesus Christ.

There are toxic Christians, and often it's us. Lord have mercy on us sinners. Jesus save us.

-CryptoLutheran

Christians are being conformed to the image of Christ. We repent. Let your light so shine!

 

[Rescued One]

There is a lot of hypocrisy that seems to be concentrated in people who make a point of telling people how to live.

Case in point is the MFL leader who was having threesomes. That’s just how people are. That’s why listening to other people laying down rules or insisting other people obey your rules for behaviour (unless it causes harm of course) is a time consuming unrewarding endeavour.

There are some behaviors that are wrong and harmful and I can't agree that people should say, "So what?" God's word calls for repentance. I seldom say anything, but as a mother, I don't want to see grandchildren abused. Not that anyone listens.

 

[Larniavc]

Just because someone professes that they are a Christian doesn’t mean they are.

Not according to the rules of this site.

 

[Larniavc]

When it comes to being a good parent, you acknowledge that when you do the latter that they may not sign on to your faith so you teach them the keys to make good choices outside of that parameter. That is the best you can do.

When my son came home one day several years ago saying he believed in God I was was agog and aghast. Not to mention surprised and disappointed. But after talking to he seemed fixed on that view so I had to let it lie.

 

[Larniavc]

There are some behaviors that are wrong and harmful

But not everyone agrees so those things are not objective.

 

[HIM]

Not according to the rules of this site.

That is a Different context. It doesn't make sense that you would even bring that up. The rules of this site do not dictate the reality as God sees and judges. As in the days of Noah so shall it be in the coming of the Son of man. Many are called few are chosen.