my fiance and I got engaged on thursday, my mom told the family, and everyone's fine, except my grandmother, she thinks we're too young. we're 20 now. By our wedding date I'll be 22 and she'll be 21 almost 22. thoughts?
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too young?
- Thread starter dobieman0488
- Start date
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RobinRedbreast
Guest
I don't think so. If you feel you are ready, then that decision is up to you. As long as you've taken time to consider this decision, you feel you are both ready and it is in your best interest, and you are taking proper steps to prepare yourself, I don't see any issue here.
Sometimes, people are just "set in his or her ways" when it comes to what they feel about a situation. Just because they feel one way, does not make it true however. This decision is yours alone to be made between you and your fiancee and God.
On a side note, my husband is 21.
Sometimes, people are just "set in his or her ways" when it comes to what they feel about a situation. Just because they feel one way, does not make it true however. This decision is yours alone to be made between you and your fiancee and God.
On a side note, my husband is 21.
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
My wife was 19 when we got married. I was her first boyfriend.
There is no "perfect age", what matters is maturity and if the person is ready for that type of relationship. I swear, one day I will finish my book on this topic. LOL
There is no "perfect age", what matters is maturity and if the person is ready for that type of relationship. I swear, one day I will finish my book on this topic. LOL
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ImperialPhantom
Guest
My first thought is, "yes" right out of the gate, but hell, I was 23 and my wife 21 when we got married, and we're loving it, so it depends. How long have you guys been together? What do you two do that annoys each other? If you take the annoyances, and imagine them ten times worse, can you still put up with them for the rest of your life? Have you two seen each other at your worst?
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we've been together for 3 1/2 years, and dealt with a long distance relationship, and came through it.
We've seen pretty much everything with each other. she's my first real girlfriend, and I'm her second real boyfriend.
We've seen pretty much everything with each other. she's my first real girlfriend, and I'm her second real boyfriend.
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
Heh, you think you've seen everything because there was a little distance between you? Mate, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Just wait till you're married, you'll see how easy the distance issue really was. 
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waxlion10
Just shut up and be delicious- Dwight
Thriving in a long distance relationship is admirable. Congratulations.
If this is seriously where the two of you feel the Lord is guiding your life, go for it
Although your grandmother is part of your family, and your family is very important, the two of you will be starting your OWN family. You'll leave your parents and cleave to one another.
As long as you are humbled by the task set before you, truly seeking God's wisdom every step of the way, and not being blinded just because you love each other... I would say don't worry too much about your grandmother's opinion. Whether or not she comes around shouldn't affect your decision.
If this is seriously where the two of you feel the Lord is guiding your life, go for it
Although your grandmother is part of your family, and your family is very important, the two of you will be starting your OWN family. You'll leave your parents and cleave to one another.
As long as you are humbled by the task set before you, truly seeking God's wisdom every step of the way, and not being blinded just because you love each other... I would say don't worry too much about your grandmother's opinion. Whether or not she comes around shouldn't affect your decision.
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ImperialPhantom
Guest
How much of your relationship has been spent as a close-distance one?
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Bootstrap
Regular Member
For any set of rules, there are marriages that succeeded by following them, marriages that followed them and failed, marriages that followed them and succeeded, and marriages that flaunted them and failed.
That said, I'd suggest a few guidelines for knowing when you're ready.
- If you can swing it, live in the same place for at least a year. Marriage is face-to-face, and long distance relationships can be quite different.
- If you can swing it, date for two years. After two years, you will know each other well.
- If you have significant doubt about the relationship, pay attention to that. It may just be trust issues you have to get beyond, or it may say something about the relationship.
- When you know each other really well, and can predict a lot about the other person, that's a sign that your relationship is maturing.
- Make sure your lives are pulling in the same direction, that your values are compatible. You may have completely different personalities, but you should be playing on the same team.
Free advice - take it for what it's worth ;->
Jonathan
That said, I'd suggest a few guidelines for knowing when you're ready.
- If you can swing it, live in the same place for at least a year. Marriage is face-to-face, and long distance relationships can be quite different.
- If you can swing it, date for two years. After two years, you will know each other well.
- If you have significant doubt about the relationship, pay attention to that. It may just be trust issues you have to get beyond, or it may say something about the relationship.
- When you know each other really well, and can predict a lot about the other person, that's a sign that your relationship is maturing.
- Make sure your lives are pulling in the same direction, that your values are compatible. You may have completely different personalities, but you should be playing on the same team.
Free advice - take it for what it's worth ;->
Jonathan
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all but 8 months, she left for school, around 2 years after we got together. so we've pretty much spent the majority of our relationship living about 10 minutes apart.
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moerunamida
Prayer Warrior
And I bet your grandma married younger than you are now. That was just the way things were back then typically. If you feel you are ready and the both of you have thought over big topics and little ones, then go for it. Congrats
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seremela06
Senior Veteran
i agree with all of this! especially the 'values' part! my husband and i got married after only 2 months together. we disagree on A LOT! once saved, always saved, women pastors, child babtism, the list goes ON AND ON! we're getting thru it, it's just really difficult. obviously you've already spent a lot more time together than we did, so i'm guessing you know her pretty well. i would live together first as well. i know that's not a christian viewpoint, but that's what i would (and did) do.
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Well I guess I would be biased with this question. I am engagged and I am 21 right now but my SO is 27 with a daughter who is 7. I believe if both of you know what you want and know the reposibilities that lie ahead then go for it. i am also a romantic so my advice is take the chance, live life with no regrets.
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HollyDoris
Guest
No, I wouldn't say that you are too young. Age doesn't matter (well, to a certain extent it doesn't, lol) what matters it that you're mature enough to handle a marriage and are financially and emotionally ready to go into this phase of life. If that's where you feel God calling you then go for it.
One thing I would suggest is maybe going to pre-marriage counseling. It would just be a nice way to work through some issues before getting married that you maybe wouldn't have otherwise thought to talk about before you said "I do"...you know? It's up to you but I know it's definitely worth it seeing as how high the divorce rate is now a days (not saying you would get divored or anything! But it's just a nice way to try and make sure all your ducks are in a row)
One thing I would suggest is maybe going to pre-marriage counseling. It would just be a nice way to work through some issues before getting married that you maybe wouldn't have otherwise thought to talk about before you said "I do"...you know? It's up to you but I know it's definitely worth it seeing as how high the divorce rate is now a days (not saying you would get divored or anything! But it's just a nice way to try and make sure all your ducks are in a row
)
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