too young?

[Living4Him03]

It's sweet that you want to help her out and steer her in the right direction, but in trying to do that you just might end up hurting her, which will not help her in the long run. The best thing you can do is pray for her and direct her to a woman in your church who could be a mentor to her and steer her in the right direction. At that age, and even as you get older, having a guy you are not dating "steer you in the right direction" isn't the same as a female helping you out and it can lead to confusion and hurt feelings.

Also, if you really like this girl, for other reasons than she is "hot" then wait until she matures a bit and gets a bit older. For now, as I said, pray for her, but don't do something that would be leading her on. It's obvious you want to get to know her. You don't need to mentor her in order to get to know her. Wait and pray

 

[jay_swift]

I don't think I would hurt her. I am interested in her physically, and she has a good personality. If we were to go on a few dates, I think it would be good for her. Most dates I have are astounded that I say "please" and "thank you", that I pray before meals, and how I don't cuss. I think it's a learning experience for some people. You can be cool without doing bad things. I want this girl to know that because she seems like she could be a really cool Christian!

To canadiancarebear: I can understand where you are coming from. I have felt lonely from time to time, but its a great experience to go with just friends - I've been there.

To Living4Him: I appreciate your input. I plan on inviting this girl to our weekly college bible study to introduce her to more positive role models (girls included). I think the reason she would come, though, is because of me. I don't know if that would be leading her on too.

 

[Living4Him03]

You'll have to decide what is right. But I really think taking her on a date would eventually end up hurting her. She's got some growing to do and needs to get her life headed in the right direction BEFORE you start taking her on dates. Besides, the purpose of going on dates is to see whether or not marriage is a possibility for the two of you. At 17 this is not the kind of thing she needs and you need to date someone who is at the same place in life as you are.

She may have a great time with you on the dates and think you're a prince. But, that could also be a bad thing if things between the two of you don't work out. I've been in abusive/bad relationships before and one time when this really good guy took me out, I was just smitten with him, but he later decided he needed to date someone closer to his age. I was so hurt because I was so sure that we were meant to be. He was SO nice. See what I am getting at?

If you want to hang out with her and show her what a gentleman is you don't have to go on dates with her. I'd suggest going on some group outings with her and some of her friends and some of your friends. Help her to get involved with the church youth group. But don't take her on individual dates only to later realize you can't date her because of age differences or incompatability. God Bless!

 

[California Dreamin']

Dun feel bad, I went to prom on a blind date. (never seen the girl before in my life).

that's better than alone. it is too late to cancel my dress and i am on the prom committee so i basically have to go. none of my friends will even go.

 

[Lbiagm]

i agree with living.

 

[Phrasedefina]

Well, I don't the age difference is a big deal. BUT the fact that she is in High School and your in college really isn't good. One of the reasons she really likes you is because your older and in college. Thats very appealing to younger girls such as this one. But thats the other thing, you can not just change someone. You need to guide her as a friend, and next year when she graduates, she will be in a different mode. We all know that the very next week after we graduate....we change a little. Let her at least go through these changes and be her friend and try to advise and guide her first. Then after a year of her being in the "real world" then pursue the relationship.

Now, as far as your friends go, they have no room to talk. They have all done things you don't agree with too.

 

[TheDatelessLoserX2]

Im sorry canadian, what I said was insensitive.

 

[California Dreamin']

okay

 

[Jesus-is-the-1]

I think it's wrong to go into a relationship with the mindset that you're going to change her. It is not your job to change her. You should be a good, Christian influence for her, just like you should be for anyone else.

I personally think the age difference is a big deal at this point in your lives. You two are at different points in your lives right now. Maybe when she's a few years older, it won't be such a big deal, but right now it is a big deal.

Be a friend to her, be an example for her, etc., but don't try to mold her into who you want her to be as a girlfriend.

If she's headed down the wrong path, you have an obligation as a Christian to encourage her to follow Godly principles, but do that as her friend.

I couldn't have said it better!

 

[Lbiagm]

I agree with phrase also.

 

[Snowhite]

Ok, so your only interest in her personally is physical? Other than that it would give ya warm fuzzies to be a good Christian example to her? Soo, she gets an older guy with 'good looks and charm' and you get a young hottie, everybody wins, right? wrong. You're playing with fire, man. Your interest in her is that she is attractive and she's interested in you- other than that her character is poor and she very young. If you want to be a changing influence, a bf/gf relationship is NOT the way to do it. The whole idea sounds like a recipe for disaster.

 

[sarahbug]

Ok, so your only interest in her personally is physical? Other than that it would give ya warm fuzzies to be a good Christian example to her? Soo, she gets an older guy with 'good looks and charm' and you get a young hottie, everybody wins, right? wrong. You're playing with fire, man. Your interest in her is that she is attractive and she's interested in you- other than that her character is poor and she very young. If you want to be a changing influence, a bf/gf relationship is NOT the way to do it. The whole idea sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't agree more.

 

[peaceblossom]

I agree with Snowhite. I'm sure you're still going to do what you choose, but...

The better (not best mind you) relationships come when both parties are actually developing a friendship. In this case, if you believe in sexual purity, you shouldn't put yourself in a position where that may be compromised; i.e. dating (in the way society classifys it anyway). If you're dating based on "current" emotional and physical attraction, you're placing yourselves in a dangerous position. Think about this, most people who have lasting friendships know their friends better than they may know the person they're dating, yet interestingly enough, when someone finds another attractive, they "want to get to know them better". But how many people actually get to know that person they're attracted to "better" in this day and age? Not many I'm sure.

Try an actual friendship and treating her as a sister in Christ before taking the step into social dating. When you hang out as friends, there's less pressure than figuring out what to do or where to go on a date, or even "will she/will he like me blah blah blah stuff".

You have my prayers man, God bless you.

 

[Lbiagm]

snow is right diaster.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I agree with Snowwhite.

 

[Lbiagm]

yea two of us.

 

[Out of the Flames]

Let's set aside the fact that 17 years old would make her around the same age as MY LITTLE BROTHER (which would really creep me out in and of itself). I'm a little surprised that in 3 pages of posts, the statutory rape issue hasn't been introduced. This is another factor that you need to be very well acquainted with.

You may be a good Christian boy with no intention of having a sexual relationship with this young lady, but if you were to be caught in any kind of compromising position with a girl that much your junior, it would be very difficult defend yourself against statutory rape charges.

If you truly want to be a good Christian influence on her, do so by example. Be a kind, honest, Godly role model to her and do what you can to lead her down the right path as a mentor and friend. A relationship involving such an age difference as yours is more likely to grow apart than grow stronger.

 

[Lbiagm]

great point out.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

though i dated someone who was almost 27 when I was 17-18, for a very short time...I would not reccomend that to anyone.

My advice to the original poster, Please don't date this girl. Mentor her but not one on one. Include other people when you go out places and don't lead her on. She is too young and not on the same path as you. Do not allow yourself to become unequally yoked because you are physically attracted to this girl and you want to help her. Dating her will most likely do more harm than help in the long run. She will become attached to you and if you ever break up then her perception of God which will have been moulded by you, will be completely crushed and distorted. Be like a brother to her and fight the lust because that will get you no where.

God bless

 

[jay_swift]

Ok, so you all convinced me of what to do. I do want to defend myself from a couple posts:

You may be a good Christian boy with no intention of having a sexual relationship with this young lady, but if you were to be caught in any kind of compromising position with a girl that much your junior, it would be very difficult defend yourself against statutory rape charges.

I understand your concern but there are a FEW guys in this world that can control their sexual urges, and I happen to be one of them. I would be even more careful than usual since she is much younger than me.

In this case, if you believe in sexual purity, you shouldn't put yourself in a position where that may be compromised; i.e. dating (in the way society classifys it anyway). If you're dating based on "current" emotional and physical attraction, you're placing yourselves in a dangerous position. Think about this, most people who have lasting friendships know their friends better than they may know the person they're dating, yet interestingly enough, when someone finds another attractive, they "want to get to know them better". But how many people actually get to know that person they're attracted to "better" in this day and age? Not many I'm sure.

I'm very familiar with popular culture, and dating does not require sex. Dating is simply when you take someone on dates. I've dated many girls just to get to know them better, and it does work. Sure dating can lead to marriage, but it can also lead to friendship. If you realize you aren't compatible, then you can ask to just be friends - it happens!

Ok, so your only interest in her personally is physical? Other than that it would give ya warm fuzzies to be a good Christian example to her? Soo, she gets an older guy with 'good looks and charm' and you get a young hottie, everybody wins, right? wrong. You're playing with fire, man. Your interest in her is that she is attractive and she's interested in you- other than that her character is poor and she very young. If you want to be a changing influence, a bf/gf relationship is NOT the way to do it.

Your post is very harsh and I don't think you read my original post or followups closely. Actually its more like a flame than anything, and it is serving to skew my original post. I did not say that my interest in her was only physical, nor did I say that I was thinking about doing this because it would give me "warm fuzzies", nor did I say that her character is poor. Before you tear into someone like that, please do read more carefully.


So like I said at the begining, you all have convinced me of what I should do. Thanks for all your opinions on the matter!