Told husband I was raped but no support

[Jasma]

You are soooo very brave. Leaving that mess is the best way to go. May God bless you. Please know you're in my heart and in my prayers. If you ever want to PM me, feel free.

~Jasma

 

[Battle Maiden]

I want to go to a counsellor but he dosen't. He still wants to continue to talk to the woman he had or is still having an affair. He said he still want to be friends with her. I have to sit in my house waiting till he's done talking to her for about 3 to 4 hours each day. I 'm trying my best to work things out but it's hard when he dosen't put much effort in to it. I don't want a divorece, I want it to work. I tried to communicate with him but he ends up yelling at me. I feel like i'm walking on egg shells scared to say the wrong thing. I'm praying for God to give me and answer to what to do. He said he is a christian but likes to do drug and get drunk and sees nothing wrong with that. I have been praying for years for him to change but it seems things just get worse. Some times I just think I should let him go so he can be happy but I don't know what God wants me to do. All I can do is keep forgiving him for what he is doing. I just wish God would let me to leave him or to wait, that things will get better.

Hi gwenevere,
I have just read your post, what I feel is that your husband is punishing you which is wrong, I agree with others have said, it is he that is in the wrong not you. You need to start holding your head up high remember that you are a precious child of God and he wants you to be treated with dignity.

Battle Maiden

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Oh my gosh. What planet is this guy from?
*hug*

 

[gwenevere]

Oh my gosh. What planet is this guy from?
*hug*

I thought he was the best thing before but i'm starting to see who he really is. I guess love is blind. He asked me this weekend that if i can hold on to the marriage till he is done with his relationship with this other woman. I'm in shock with what he has turn too. and he tells me he is a christian. I'm still hurting becasue I still feel for him but I wish i can stop loving him now so I won't hurt anymore.

 

[AngelRider]

After reading all this I can honestly say to you as a sister that you need to take care of you and get counseling. God would not want you to be unequally yoked with anyone and certainly not an adulterer. I had to walk out on a husband because of that also and God brought me through it and taught me how to love God and seek God first in all matters.

I love you sis and I know it is a rough row to go through on right now but I think if you seek counseling in the abuse matter you can begin to heal. Do this on your own perhaps a pastor you trust or Christian counselor. You are not alone in this matter and I truly believe that if you set forth to seek counsel and seek God in this sis you are gonna heal.....

I love you and GOd loves you too sis
AngelRider

 

[gwenevere]

After reading all this I can honestly say to you as a sister that you need to take care of you and get counseling. God would not want you to be unequally yoked with anyone and certainly not an adulterer. I had to walk out on a husband because of that also and God brought me through it and taught me how to love God and seek God first in all matters.

I love you sis and I know it is a rough row to go through on right now but I think if you seek counseling in the abuse matter you can begin to heal. Do this on your own perhaps a pastor you trust or Christian counselor. You are not alone in this matter and I truly believe that if you set forth to seek counsel and seek God in this sis you are gonna heal.....

I love you and GOd loves you too sis
AngelRider

Now that I'm going though all of this I understand why God tells us how to live a happier and better life. By obeying him. I'm going to take this as a leason learn. I'm still a bit weak but each day a bit stonger because of God.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

Get a divorce. If your "husband" really didn't mean forever when he promised forever, then you were never really married to him in the first place. That's unrequited love, and no one should ever have to suffer that.

So he's going to return to you after he finishes with the other woman? That man is just sick. Get out of it. He's done it once and since he's unrepentant, he will do it again. You can't stop him. But he can't stop you divorcing him and getting a restraining order against him!

(You really should. He is an emotional and sexual abuser.)

 

[ftw1029]

I agree with the others here. You need to protect yourself from further hurt and pain at this point. If that means leaving your abusive husband, so be it. Hopefully he will see what he is losing. But he probably won't, so try not to be too surprised. You are still young. If you get counseling now for this situation and your original rape, you will be able to be a great wife and partner to someone else in the future. God can give you another chance at love and a happy life. You just need to find enough love for yourself right now to take action.

 

[gwenevere]

Get a divorce. If your "husband" really didn't mean forever when he promised forever, then you were never really married to him in the first place. That's unrequited love, and no one should ever have to suffer that.

So he's going to return to you after he finishes with the other woman? That man is just sick. Get out of it. He's done it once and since he's unrepentant, he will do it again. You can't stop him. But he can't stop you divorcing him and getting a restraining order against him!

(You really should. He is an emotional and sexual abuser.)

At this moment I dont have money to get the divorce. We have our house on the market. With the profit we paying our small debit. He said his girl would pay for the divorce. He keep doing things to keep hurting and know i'm realizing that he is emotionaly abuse. The worse part is that he enjoys hurting me. I don't understand how he can say he's a christian, yet keep on doing what he is doing. I'm not sure if he realizes that God is standing next to him everytime he hurts me. Some times I think he tells God to turn around just to have some fun in his sins.
I want to be mad but God keeps giving me verses that I should not get angry. I need to forgive him for everything he has done and is doning so I will be able to move on. I'm slowly getting detach from loving him. I'm seeing the real man that is infront of me.
I started counceling for the rape and the hurt he has cause too. Just like my counceler said, I'm in love with the past and the man i want him to be. Not with the man that's in front of me.
This web site has helped a lot. From the advice to the stories of other peope going thought the same things. and especially all the prayers. I really thank every one from the bottom of my heart.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

At this moment I dont have money to get the divorce. We have our house on the market. With the profit we paying our small debit. He said his girl would pay for the divorce. He keep doing things to keep hurting and know i'm realizing that he is emotionaly abuse. The worse part is that he enjoys hurting me. I don't understand how he can say he's a christian, yet keep on doing what he is doing. I'm not sure if he realizes that God is standing next to him everytime he hurts me. Some times I think he tells God to turn around just to have some fun in his sins.
I want to be mad but God keeps giving me verses that I should not get angry. I need to forgive him for everything he has done and is doning so I will be able to move on. I'm slowly getting detach from loving him. I'm seeing the real man that is infront of me.
I started counceling for the rape and the hurt he has cause too. Just like my counceler said, I'm in love with the past and the man i want him to be. Not with the man that's in front of me.
This web site has helped a lot. From the advice to the stories of other peope going thought the same things. and especially all the prayers. I really thank every one from the bottom of my heart.

you're welcome

I hope you find a family member, or maybe you can rent a cheap apartment, if you get a job that pays a meager amount of income. Just find some way to get away from him.

 

[tgg]

Thank you Martin. My situation has not improved. Me wishes to continue in contact with this other woman. The more he talkes to her the more colder he's getting with me. He said he still loves her and not me. Also that after we sell the house he want the divorce. He sees the effort that I'm tring to make the marriage work but he said he dosent want it to work. He said he want to be able to do drugs with out worring about me catching him, he wants to get drunk when ever he wants and see other blone white women. He said the only reason he married me was because were we are from they are no blonds. But here in Dallas is like fish in the see. He also said the reason he didn't give me kids was because he know since the beging that he did not want to be with me forever. All of this thing he said hurt me so much. I feel used and so stupid that I gave every thing to this marraige and the whole time he knew he didn't want to be with me forever. I was praying for my marriage to work but now I just want God to help me to stop loving him so he can't hurt me any more. I'm also praying that the house sell soon so we don't have to live together anymore. It's hard when we still have to live under the same roof and especially that he has to talk to her everynight for hours. I just want out of all this that I become strong and my faith to grow. To have a closer relationship with the one that will never stop loving me and will never leave me. GOD...
I finally talked to my mom and told her everything that was going on. He words did a lot of help. I know I will make it but I have to take it one day at a time. Some one told me that if I take my life that he will still go one. Why should I have the same opertunity. And it so true. I came to realise he's not worth taking my life. Yes, I have pain and hurting but God is holding me know. That is what is making get through another day. Please keep me in your prayers
Gweny

Why doesn't your husband want the marriage to work? Have you asked him why is REALLY treating you this way?

This may sound harsh, but I don't really think he married you out of love. Your statement "where we are from there are no blondes", sounds like he was more infatuated with you and this makes him sound superficial and indeed very selfish. I don't think that he is going to mend his ways either, but I pray to God that he'll see you through this time.

You definitely need some new friends who can stand by you, and keep a close watch on you and the life that you are living.

I hope that eventually the right fellow will find you, and someone who does love and appreciate you for who you are.


tgg

 

[gwenevere]

Why doesn't your husband want the marriage to work? Have you asked him why is REALLY treating you this way?

This may sound harsh, but I don't really think he married you out of love. Your statement "where we are from there are no blondes", sounds like he was more infatuated with you and this makes him sound superficial and indeed very selfish. I don't think that he is going to mend his ways either, but I pray to God that he'll see you through this time.

You definitely need some new friends who can stand by you, and keep a close watch on you and the life that you are living.

I hope that eventually the right fellow will find you, and someone who does love and appreciate you for who you are.


tgg

tgg, I did ask my husband a few days ago why dosen't he want the marriage to work. He said the same reply, that he can't help it but he likes white blonde girls. He said he never wanted to give me kids because he knew he would leave me one day. He also said he's been trying to make me leave him by treating me bad. It just hurt all the things he is telling me but he's being honest. I'm finally accepting that I will never be his dream wife. I can't change the color of my skin and I really like how God created me. I just hate that I loved him with every thing I had. I just wish he wouln't have brought my rape into making me feel like trash. I know it's going to take a while for me to recover from all of this. I just hope one day in the I can find some one that will love me because of me and not my skin color.

 

[CollectiveSoul]

Praying God sends you the grace of his blessings,something good for you to come your way.
Just take his hand as this sounds quite hurtful to deal with.Really,I'm sorry for you.Sounds tough to hang in there.

 

[gwenevere]

Praying God sends you the grace of his blessings,something good for you to come your way.
Just take his hand as this sounds quite hurtful to deal with.Really,I'm sorry for you.Sounds tough to hang in there.

Thank you....

 

[njcl]

forget your husband,your too good for him,find somebody good looking,decent and who is kind to you,you wont even remember this guy in a few months........PEACE *HUGS*

 

[Anna N. Amos]

A lot of things happen to us through the years and I do not think we have to report it all when we get married, or date or find a new friend.

Some people do not handle things very well and apparently your husband is one of them. Whether you were right or wrong in telling him prior to marriage is not an issue. He probably would have blamed you and looked at you differently either way.

Rape is a huge thing with which to deal. It is hard for the victim and hard for those around them.

There are certain people who immediately think you did something to make it happen. They may even say, “what were you wearing? What did YOU do?” Those are uneducated, stupid people who would rather condemn than to show compassion. Unfortunately, they can come in the form of a parent, friend, boyfriend or husband.

Sometimes their words and actions hurt just as much as the whole ordeal all over again. So, it forces us into silence….cause who wants to hear all that condemnation?

Nobody knows how rape shatters you more than another victim of rape. IT splinters you and the fragments seem to be all over the place as you struggle to pull yourself together.

Then, just as you strive to have courage to tell someone they freak on you, blame you for lying –even though it was too painful for you to acknowledge as truth yourself – so sometimes we don’t discuss it ‘cause that means maybe it didn’t happen. (Trick ourselves into thinking, If you do not say it out loud it wasn't real)

A great partner would thank you for sharing your burden and hug you, would tell you they love you more. I am sorry you didn’t find that in your husband, and he cheated on you and blamed you for it.

You do not have that much power – you cannot MAKE SOME ONE cheat on you and it is unfortunate he is trying to pigeon hole you into accepting more guilt and responsibility that is NOT yours.

Listen, this guy does not sound like a very loving, kind or forgiving person. He sounds uncompassionate, irresponsible, unfaithful man. You can try counseling if you want to save your marriage, but he has acted terribly when you shared your pain with him. This is your choice. I am merely responding to the unbelievable guilt being piled on your tiny shoulders.

You are worth more than that. God loves you, he never wanted you to be raped, cheated on or blamed. If your situation is that bad and it is hard for you to feel good about yourself with this man, then it maybe time to walk away.

Perhaps a theme song can help your self esteem back.

Maybe like Gloria Gaynors, I will survive

It helped me.

http://www.lyricsdomain.com/7/gloria_gaynor/i_will_survive.html