Toddler Tantrums

[mamaneenie]

My son has just turned 2. I am very excited about seeing him develop into an individual with his own personality. However the last week has seen him turn from an angelic little baby, into a cranky child, if he doesn't get what he wants. He has taken to climbing on to the table to get things that I wouldn't normally let him do. (like my husband's books, lollies, the telephone etc.) I have been smacking him for it. What does everyone else think about that? I have hardly had to smack him before, but am finding if I don't now, he will walk all over me. One of the other mums at our church playgroup suggested time out. Is he too young for that? I don't want to change because the smacking seems to work with him. She just said that if she smacks her son he hits back (he son is 6 months older than mine)

The other thing is that he doesn't eat much of his dinner at the moment. He eats healthy food for snacks, like yoghurt, fruit, cheese. I have been giving his main meal at lunch because he doesn't seem to want to eat at dinner. Is this normal? I know that kids have funny food fads, but I don't like this one as it is the only meal we get to eat as a family.

 

[Evening Mist]

I think that a 2 year old child learns about humanity from the way that he is treated, and from the way he sees other people being treated. What you say to him may go in one ear and out the other ear. But how you behave toward him will become an internal peice of the man he becomes. Because of this, I would not smack a child. I want to raise children who know how to solve problems creatively and without violence -- and so I feel that it would be counter-productive to hit them.

At 2 years old, his God given job is to explore his environment and learn everything that he can about it. He is driven to "get into" things because that is how he learns. *Your* job is to set limits to keep him safe as he explores.

I try to create a "yes" environment in my home, so that my children can comfortably explore. Things that they can reach are all things that are safe for them to have. I teach them to handle certain things "gently," and if they can't then I put those things away. I also use a lot of "redirection." In other words, if they are getting something they can't have -- I will direct there attention somewhere else by saying something like, "The sissors are not for baby, but you may hold this spoon." And I make a swap with them and put the sissors up high.

Tantrums are not completely avoidable though. I assume your child is not yet very verbal? When they are able to use words, I direct my children to express their feelings with descriptive words. Before that -- a tantrum is just the only way they know to get their feelings out. I generally stick to my guns and refuse to give in (you can't reward a tantrum) but I also try to validate how frustrated/angry they feel in the moment. If you give your child labels for his feelings, it will become easier for him to express his feelings verbally.

The food thing is *totally* normal. I promise. Toddlers are notorious "grazers." They prefer to have small portions of healthy foods throughout the day -- usually on the go, and this is actually better for them when they are small. Their bodies can't store large amounts of food for long periods of time, and they need constant "fuel." I would say that my kids warmed up to the idea of larger "sit down" meals when they were around 3 years old.

 

[lucypevensie]

I'm all for spanking, and it should be done only when a child is directly disobedient/defiant. I think it's fine to give a little swat to get his attention, but then it would be good to try to divert him to something he CAN have.

I guess I don't understand the time-out thing. I don't understand how that works. How do you get a child to sit and ponder their actions when all they can think about is trying to stand up/sneak away etc. How do you get them to sit still?

About food, I think most kids go through something like that, skipping some meals or eating less at some meals. That's fine as long as they eat and you aren't giving in to whims and cooking a separate meal all the time for him.

 

[E-beth]

My 18 month old does the same thing! He whirls around the house, tearing thing up, and then if I tell him no about anything, even "No, You can't have mommy's hot coffee." He will throw his head back and yell and cry. When he is getting in a precarious position, like banging the glass door of the entertyainment center with his sippy cup, I tell him to stop and he just looks at me and does it anyway, I will smack his bottom. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to get his attention and to tell him I am serious. A time out would not work, as he would just stand up on the chair or would lie underneath it and lift it with his feet. I will at times take away whatever it is he is being naughty with, like if he is terrorizing the cat with a toy and will not stop, I will take the toy away and put it in time out. O course he cries and kicks but soon finds something else to play with.

As for eating, my son will eat moldy fruit loops he digs out from under the couch but will not touch whatever I cook for him. The harder I work to prepare it, the less he will be interested.

 

[Risen Tree]

If you're concerned about how your youngsters would deal with the punishment, remember this: You either deal with the temper tantrums now, or you wait until they are teenagers to deal with their version of temper tantrums.

Arguably the most important part of managing them is to keep your cool. If you do that, you win. And your child will know it.

 

[momof3blessings]

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one with this problem. My son will be 2 on the 19th and we have been going through this since he turned 1. I see nothing wrong with spanking if it's working then use it. I do it helps not always but alot of the time. I dont get the time out thing either, but if it works for you then use that too.

 

[HeatherJay]

I don't have a problem with spanking, but I think it should only be done when a child is willfully disobedient. If you're spanking him now just for climbing on things, girl, you're gonna have your hands full in a few months when he REALLY starts being willfully disobedient child. He's not TRYING to be bad, is he? Maybe the best thing would be to toddler-proof your house. Leaving tempting things like your purse, or lollipops lying around...that's just asking for trouble (I'm not at all insinuating that your a careless parent...you sound like a great mom ).

I do time outs with my kids for little things (being mean to each other, chasing the cats, etc). They each have a designated corner and once they're there, there's no talking (for 2-5 minutes, depending on which kid it is and what they've done wrong...go with just a minute or two for the 2 year old). I don't leave them alone for their time out...I sit in the room with them quietly and let them know how much time is left. I make sure I tell them WHY they're in the corner when I first sit them down, and I ask them to tell me why they were there before they're allowed to get up (if they don't really know what it is they've done wrong, how can they avoid it?). And then they get hugs. It works for little things...even with the 2 year old. They're much smarter than we give them credit for

Say lots of prayers and find what works for you

Love, Heather

 

[Wild_Thrasher]

Here is a little of the experience that I have had with my 2 and 3 year-olds.

We spank, there I said it.

We found that our older child responded to this. Our youngest, he did not respond in the same way. He forced us to make a choice, either to spank harder and more frequently OR find an alternative. When I word the options this way, it makes the decision rather simple. Unfortunately, it was not that easy at the time. The "Ah-Ha" moment came one day when I busted him playing with the toilet paper in the bathroom. Now, although this does not sound like a major offense, that was not the point. Our boys are trained to respond to 1st-time obedience. In the past, when he had been caught playing with the TP, he had been instructed that this was not allowed. Not only was he instructed, but I had sat down with him and explained how it made us (mommy/daddy) feel when he disobeyed us (he's 2, we didn't get real deep.)

Anyway, back to my point.......When I caught him doing this, I sent him to his room and told him to get on his bed and I would be in to give him a whack. He obeyed and went to wait for his discipline. As I was making my way to his room, the phone rang. I answered the phone and since I was not going to be able to attend to him right away, I closed his door. it was at this point that he revealed to me a little more than wishes he would have. Once that door closed, he began crying. Through the tears I was able to make out the phrase, "I don't wanna sit on my bed. I wanna get a spankin so I can get down." The smile that came accross my face would have been enough to light the entire city. My 2 year old had just informed me that, to him, spanking is just an obstacle that you overcome to get back to playing.

This did not mean that I have changed my ways completey, but I have realized that every child will respond differently to methods of discipline. Being creative in your discipline is not always bad either.

 

[Evening Mist]

Foundational to my faith is my belief that "Whatever we do to the least of these, we do also to Christ."

I can't shake the sense that each and every time we "smack" a small child, Christ accutely feels every every sensation, and every emotion associated with that sensation.

I firmly believe that there are better ways to impart discipline in a lasting way.

 

[mamaneenie]

Thanks for your replies. I think I didn't explain myself properly. I only smack Daniel when I have asked him to do something and he doesn't do it. I know by the way he looks at me if he has heard it and knows what I am saying. This boils my blood, especially if he doesn't do what he is told. I do not smack him in anger. I know when I am angry and if I have to, I leave the room.

The house is child proofed to an extent. I am a trained child care worker, so know what I am talking about here. He has to climb on the table to reach things. I need to use the table to put stuff on. Also, there is no way one can child proof EVERYTHING.

 

[E-beth]

What IS it about the toilet paper that is so doggone appealing?!?!??!!

 

[HeatherJay]

Sometimes I catch myself when they've gotten caught doing something they shouldn't, and I think "Is this really a big deal? Or is it just a 25 cent roll of toilet paper?" When they're both sitting there in the middle of the floor wrapping each other up like mummies and laughing their heads off, is 25 cents REALLY a big deal worth spanking them or making them cry? Yeah, it's a mess, but not a big one. Sometimes I can really feel Jesus step in and put His hand on my shoulder to stop me before I blow up at them, and say to me, "Those children are Mine and they're beautiful, and full of life and laughter...look at the world through their eyes for a minute."

It's hard sometimes...I want them to act like they're 30 and clean their plate and pick up their dirty clothes and be quiet while Mommy and Daddy are watching the news. But I try to remember when I start to get frustrated that I was 5 once...a long time ago.

Love, Heather

 

[mamaneenie]

What IS it about the toilet paper that is so doggone appealing?!?!??!!

my son hasn't discovered the toilet paper yet. He likes the nappy wipes, and the tissue box

 

[Risen Tree]

In regards to the TP issue, when he rolls off half the roll, perhaps you could find some way to use it on him in an unpleasant way. For example, if he's wrapped up like a mummy, make him leave it on for about an hour or so. Let him know that real mummies are wrapped up forever, and he's not being a real mummy if he doesn't stay wrapped up. But that's just a guess and may not work at all. Some kids will find a way to take advantage of that one!

 

[HeatherJay]

I guess if toilet paper is a big deal to you, then punish your child. Personally, I think if I punished my kids every single time they got into mischief, I'd drive myself nuts. If you don't want your kids in the toilet paper, keep the bathroom door shut. There are so many temptations for a little one. If my kids get into something they shouldn't, it's most likely my fault because I made it accessible for them. I mean, how can I punish my 2 year old for getting into the baby wipes if I leave the box in the middle of the floor or on a low shelf? My kids are sometimes disobedient, and they are punished for that...but if it's simple childhood mischief, I try to take a deep breath and find some humor in it.

Love, Heather

 

[mamaneenie]

I mean, how can I punish my 2 year old for getting into the baby wipes if I leave the box in the middle of the floor or on a low shelf?

I never said I punished him for it, I find it slightly amusing because he wants to blow his nose on it.

 

[HeatherJay]

I never said I punished him for it, I find it slightly amusing because he wants to blow his nose on it.

LOL, mine covers up her baby dolls with them...like blankets It's funny, I find babydolls all over the place covered with (now dried) baby wipes. She's cracks me up.

Mamaneenie, just in case my posts seemed to be directed at you, they weren't meant to be. You sound like a wonderful mommy and I'd never want to imply otherwise.

Love, Heather

 

[mamaneenie]

No, I didn't think so. It's cool, no offence taken.

 

[BeanMak]

Just wait til they discover that if you put the end of the roll in the water of the toilet, and then flush, it goes whizzing down the hole

 

[Wild_Thrasher]

Just wait til they discover that if you put the end of the roll in the water of the toilet, and then flush, it goes whizzing down the hole

**Wild-Thrasher runs off to give this a try**




Whoa!!!!!!!