Today's developments...

[christianfilmcrew]

So I woke up this morning after a heartbreaking Christmas, and really felt God impress a verse upon me about this failing marriage...

The verse was:

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

I heard the words and then looked up the verse in the NIV...

As I started getting ready for my day I felt deep down that this was something God wanted me to hold on to...

Later I ended up listening to a Family Life Today broadcast online with an interview with Stormie Omaritan and her husband. Author of The "power of a praying husband/wife/parent" series.

I decided then and there that I would take divorce out of the picture in this marriage and all the crud that is happening around this marriage that leaves me in despair. I decided to start praying in a way that I haven't ever done before.

As I thought about what Jesus did, and how he calls us to turn the other cheek when we are struc, I was also reminded of the verses that talk about if your enemy asks you to walk one mile, walk 2. If your enemy asks for your coat, give him your shoes too (paraphrase-you know the verses I mean).

I really felt challenged to walk this principle out and start responding in the opposite spirit to my wife's hard heart.

I also got a phone call today from a new friend I made through my career in film production, and as I shared what I was going through he also had been through many similar situations with his wife including for him a similar situation with a string of 911 calls. He went through what I have been going through. He said he and his wife will be praying for us... This was a real answer to prayer of my crying out to God for someone to just stand with me in prayer as a friend. God is faithful...

I also remembered how God loves us. Unconditionally and He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He's always faithful to us, even when we are faithless or unfaithful... He doesn't give up on us, but He waits for us to change...

If it hadn't been for the events of this morning I probably wouldn't have been prepared for what I came home to tonight...

I came home to a basically empty apartment. Thankfully almost none of my personal stuff had been taken. Although there are a few things left that I'm not sure if they're coming back for...

Without God's grace and mercy I would be a balling mess right now, yet I'm strangely at peace. I think she intended to hurt me with it, but all I'm going to do is pour out love in repsonse. I'm planning on getting some Christmas gifts together for her whole family and bless them, yet I need to walk this out wisely to make sure my heart is protected at the same time...

Do I accept my wife's sin? Nope. Will I allow myself to be walked all over again? Nope. Will I love wisely as Christ loves us? Definitely.

Is my marriage looking hopeless right now? It sure looks like it. Is my God a big God? He sure is, and He loves me, and He loves my wife, and even her unsaved parents.

Will I let satan win by defeating this marriage? No way! That punk's gonna pay! What's more I'm going to take even more ground for Jesus Christ in my lifetime because he's tried to steal a God ordained marriage.

Can I change my wife? Not a chance. Can God convict and change my wife? Absolutely. Will He? I don't know but the odds are pretty good

I'd better run and give my own family a call...

In Jesus Forever,
Dean.

 

[christianfilmcrew]

Is there any grounds for divorce for continued unabated unrepentant abuse that threatens your freedom?

I'm wondering if threatening to have a spouse thrown in jail or repeatedly calling 911 or security on a spouse who is actually innocent of doing anything wrong is abusive?

I've been faced with this for the last almost 2 years of marriage. My wife has continously abused me verbally and has called 911 in a disagreement before just because she wasn't getting her way in the disagreement.

She has a long history of calling the police and security on people and living in Las Vegas even if the man is innocent and the police know the woman is abusing he is still the one arrested from what people of both genders at work have told me.

I have never seen any sign of repentance in my wife, no remorse over sin or her violent and aggressive behaviour.

This is what she did one time:

I do feel my life and freedom is currently threatened because of my wife's behaviour... I don't know whether to pray or to file for divorce...

There is no sign of repentance over her behaviour.

I keep oscillating between wanting to pray and trying to be real about the abuse I suffered and continue to face because of the total lack of responsibility for Phelicia's behaviour.

I'm lost and I'm confused...

I just spent hours on the phone to my dad and I remembered almost every event that happened in this marriage none of it safe or healthy.

I need to hear from God on what to do...

 

[Southern Cross]

Dean, gee whiz, at least make the seperation a legal thing. Change your door locks if she's dangerous. Document the abandonment, make sure you have witnesses.

Then see what happens. All the things you talked about (change of heart,conviction, reconciliation) are possible. I just wonder how long a man (or woman) in your situation can wait for restoration. Only God can tell you that.

I feel sorry for the little girl. Perhaps you can get visitation rights since you were her stepdad.

 

[christianfilmcrew]

How am I able to document the abandonment? I'm kind of lost on what to do...

 

[LostnFound]

Legally, I don't know. But, I think I would start with date-stamped photos of the baren house.

 

[christianfilmcrew]

Yeah I've done that now... I'll see if I can get it with the date on it... I might videotape...

 

[heartnsoul]

Dean, you have mentioned on other threads about how God hates violence. I don't think God would want any of His children to remain in a situation that is abusive, life threatening or violent. I know your heart is hurting emotionally from all the years of abuse. It will take a lot of time to heal from this ordeal. The deeper the pain, the longer it will take to heal. Like others have said, get yourself out of this situation and protect yourself. God will be with you through all of this as you go through your separation and maybe divorce. Give yourself time to heal. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[christianfilmcrew]

Hey,

It looks like my wife might be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)... The next day or so after my original post someone again mentioned BPD to me. I decided to look it up... My mouth dropped open as I read through the traits, it described almost perfectly the situations I'd been experiencing with my wife, but more than that it also helped me understand what had happened to me growing up with my mother who I suspect now may also have had BPD...

The thing that attracted me to my wife was the similarities in our families... Dumb move huh? I thought I could handle things with my wife's family, but I had only been used to dealing with a BPD who acted in, i.e. a low functioning BPD... What I married was a high functioning BPD who was acting out in the extreme... I did not suspect my wife might have had issues, I was convinced she was a happy healthy individual...

My gut instincts seem to always prove true... The first thought I have had about both women I have had a significant relationship with has always eventually proven true and right on the money...

i.e. my first fiancee my thought was "she's called to Africa I'm called to America, never the twain shall meet." Turns out that my instincts were right on... My 2nd major relationship: "Divorced, Single Mother, Photographer, Las Vegas - hmm, she's obviously got some issues, this is someone I'm sure I can be safe talking to, she has issues, I have issues (from my engagement to the person I just mentioned), it will be easy to just be friends."

Lesson learned, quit mistrusting my instincts!!!