Today is one of those days

[Bumble Bee]

where marriage is a chore. My husband did not follow through on what I wanted him to do, he dropped the ball with our son, and I was left with the feeling that it is up to me to keep our life and home running smoothly.

Today is a day where I am having to practice setting my own desires to the side. I am having to practice loving my husband when things don't go my way.

With God's help, what would have been a fight ended up only being an emotional yet calm conversation about the events of the day, the reasons for them, the effects of them, and our feelings about them.

This is our first year of marriage and our first baby. It is a learning curve for both of us and I am working on being sensitive to that.

Anyway, pointless thread meant only to process my learning.

 

[Monna]

Welcome to the club! You are not alone in feeling this way and having this kind of day. I empathise.

My husband did not follow through on what I wanted him to do

(my emphaisis)

Having said what I said above, and after 37 years of married life, I find it still comes down to this statement - though it is probably as often "My wife did not follow through on what I wanted her to do."

Your statement is very honest and I applaud that. It wasn't "he didn't follow through on what I asked him to do," or "what I expected him to do," or "what we agreed that he would do." It reveals a very human quality of wanting to be in control, to be the directive force. And the resulting emotion is what you described: "... it is up to me to keep our life and home running smoothly." As a reader totally ignorant of what you or your husband are like, or of the specific circumstances of "today" this open, honest. statement suggests that the only way he can contribute to keeping your joint life and home running smoothly is by doing what you want. But that means whether or not he does what you want, it is still up to you to keep your life and home running smoothly. Ironic, or what?

Forgive me if I am misinterpreting you, or stepping on toes.

 

[Monna]

With God's help, what would have been a fight ended up only being an emotional yet calm conversation about the events of the day, the reasons for them, the effects of them, and our feelings about them.

If this is the pattern you intend to keep, I think there is REAL hope for you. It lies far more here than in your husband doing what you want him to do. There is no better place than in marriage for learning patience (and 'long suffering'), grace, forgiveness, and with these, humility, mutual appreciation, the gift of encouragement, kindness, gentleness, gratitude, joy and love. Does that sound like a list of the fruit of the Spirit?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Praying for you. While we don't have a child yet, I honestly don't know if the marriage would have lasted if we had a child right away. A marriage is very hard at the start even without a child. But stay strong, things can get better. Sacrifice is required and sometimes one person sacrifices way more than the spouse seems to realize.

 

[Bumble Bee]

Thanks. We usually do pretty well. I think one of my biggest weaknesses is that I'm used to arranging schedules and issuing directions so much that I forget that my husband is not one of my students or aides. I also have a hard time slowing down and savoring tender moments. I'm really working on those things.

 

[*LILAC]

The first year of marriage and baby is usually pretty rough! Hang in there, things will get better.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

where marriage is a chore. My husband did not follow through on what I wanted him to do, he dropped the ball with our son, and I was left with the feeling that it is up to me to keep our life and home running smoothly.

Today is a day where I am having to practice setting my own desires to the side. I am having to practice loving my husband when things don't go my way.

With God's help, what would have been a fight ended up only being an emotional yet calm conversation about the events of the day, the reasons for them, the effects of them, and our feelings about them.

This is our first year of marriage and our first baby. It is a learning curve for both of us and I am working on being sensitive to that.

Anyway, pointless thread meant only to process my learning.

Marriage is hard without a doubt! This blog has helped me tremendously. Please check it out: The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ as Lord