To spank or not to spank please vote

[seebs]

There is a difference in spanking and hitting. Why would you not thank you parents for following God's Word and trying to keep you on the right path.

I don't recall Jesus (who is after all the Word) telling anyone to hit anyone.

But hey. Maybe you could help us out. Where does the Bible advocate spanking?

"Spare the rod" is an interesting passage; we had someone who, based on that, had a rod about a half-inch in diameter which he used to "discipline" his wife and children. It left serious welts. He felt this was the obvious and correct interpretation of the passage.

Anyway, I think the reason people wouldn't thank their parents for spanking them is that, even if we grant good intentions (which are somewhat rarer than the protestations of them would suggest), it's still negligent not to spend the time to learn what disciplinary strategies are effective.

Often, parents are hitting out of frustration and anger, not a genuine desire for correction. This becomes clear when you see people whose veneer cracks enough that they talk about "beating it out of him".

However, the fact is, good parents do not need violence to control and discipline their kids. I've got a few friends raising kids right now. None of them use any kind of violence, and their kids are really well-behaved. Why? Because the parents took the few hours required to learn more about discipline.

Spanking is sometimes coincidentally present in a disciplinary action which works. It is not, in itself, contributing; in fact, it harms the effect of discipline.

Yes, the Bible talks about beating people. But not just kids; also your slaves. Let's read that passage together as we search to understand Biblical teachings on corporal punishment:

The Second Book of Moses, called Exodus, Chapter 21, Verses 20-21

And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.​

Ahh, that's right. It's okay to beat your slaves, since you bought them and they are your material wealth. If you kill them outright, that's over the line, but if the servant lingers for a day or two and then dies, that's not so bad. I mean, you did own him.

You know, thinking about it, I think when I want moral guidance about how much to hit people, I'm gonna look more to Jesus and less to Moses. 'k?

 

[Maynard Keenan]

I'm not opposed to it. I wouldn't use it as a primary means of discipline, not was it the primary means of disciplining me. But it was used, on occasion, and I'll likely use it, on occasion.

 

[Pogue]

There is a difference in spanking and hitting. Why would you not thank you parents for following God's Word and trying to keep you on the right path.

That assumes that my parents are Christian, and that the reason they hit me was due to religious belief. I don't think it was- my mother was quite young and I was her first child, so she wasn't very experienced. She used this form of punishment with her first 4 children, but not for the last 2, and there is no difference in our behaviour. None of us have strayed from the right path.

 

[ebia]

There is a difference in spanking and hitting. Why would you not thank you parents for following God's Word and trying to keep you on the right path.

"God's Word" says the appropriate punishment for a child who is disrespectful to their parents is execution!

 

[Rae]

I have yet to thank my mother for hitting me.

I would never thank my mother for deliberately hurting me. I didn't when I was two and she hit me. I told her she must hate little girls to hurt them that way. I meant it then. I still feel that way now. Hitting children, whether you pretty it up by calling it "discipline" (which it isn't) or "spanking" (way to go, setting up sexual fetishes in your kids), is bad and no one should ever do it.

 

[£amb]

I spanked my children when they were younger. They turned out just fine. No...it wasn't the easy way out, or done out of anger, or any of things people say when they are against spanking. I was spanked when I was younger. It didn't terrorize me because it was done in an appropriate manner. Actually I was spanked and put in a corner with my parents in the room, and they didn't say a word. I would of rather gotten spanked than put in the corner. Every child is different. Some can be disciplined with words, some with taking away something. I have a very strong-willed child. Had I not used discipline on him, he would of turned out to be different. My younger one did not get spanked as much because he was the type of child that was disciplined with taking a privilege away.

 

[Robinsegg]

We spank for direct defiance only. The child must know the spanking will occur if he/she does the deed before choosing the action. I never spank when angry or otherwise emotional. The spanking consists of one swat with an open hand.
That's not torture or abuse, that's giving the child a reminder that the action is unacceptable when contemplating doing it again.

Rachel

 

[DietCherryCola]

I don't get the whole spare the rod, spoil the child thing. Obviously, no one is literally using a rod. The Bible does not say spanking and the logic behind translating it that way escapes me. If the "rod" can symbolize physical punishment, it could symbolize all forms of discipline.

As for spanking... your kid, your choice.

 

[Loundry]

Our home is a no-hit home. My six-year-old has repeated this to me. He knows that it something that NEVER happens in our home.

Spanking is hitting. It is the refuge for those who do not have or do not know the correct techniques for discipline.

Often people will justify hitting children because they were hit as children. If they were to stop doing it, then it would indict their own parents. They justify their parents' behavior with, "My parents hit me and I deserved it." I.e., in order to justify the hitting, they have to think of themselves as bad.

It amazes me that people can justify hitting a child. Think about this for a moment: suppose an employee is caught stealing from his employer or repeatedly threatening a coworker. It would be wrong to hit him for those offenses, correct? Adults would call it "assault", and the employer would be prosecuted for it.

And then the same adults will justify hitting a small child.

 

[Robinsegg]

Our home is a no-hit home. My six-year-old has repeated this to me. He knows that it something that NEVER happens in our home.

Spanking is hitting. It is the refuge for those who do not have or do not know the correct techniques for discipline.

Often people will justify hitting children because they were hit as children. If they were to stop doing it, then it would indict their own parents. They justify their parents' behavior with, "My parents hit me and I deserved it." I.e., in order to justify the hitting, they have to think of themselves as bad.

It amazes me that people can justify hitting a child. Think about this for a moment: suppose an employee is caught stealing from his employer or repeatedly threatening a coworker. It would be wrong to hit him for those offenses, correct? Adults would call it "assault", and the employer would be prosecuted for it.

And then the same adults will justify hitting a small child.

For me, spanking is something done calmly and with lots of explanation beforehand. We also make up afterward. It's used sparingly, for issues where imminent danger must be avoided (I slap hands for reaching at electrical sockets and may swat for running across a street when told to stop) and for times of direct defiance (when the child saucily says "no!" or does something immediately after being told not to and acknowledging the command). I may spank 4-5 times per year. At very young ages it is to give physical impact but not pain (through the diaper). Later, it may involve pain, but it's only one swat, not a beating.

Rachel

 

[PETE_]

A spanking gives no more pain than a child voluntarily recieves playing most sports. That is why as they get older they would rather have the spanking than be grounded. It is not that bad and it is over quickly.

Just because some parents get abusive when they disciple is no need to condem those doing it correctly. I have seen many cases of non physical punishment being abusive.

 

[£amb]

It is the refuge for those who do not have or do not know the correct techniques for discipline.

This is not true. I work in a Preschool, I know the techniques for discipline. Believe me, I know every trick in the book when it comes to discipline. But did it always work on my own children. Nope. Don't assume that parents that spank do it for their fist choice of discipline. I don't spank on every issue. There are times that I can take a privelege away or talk with them and it corrects the problem.

 

[seebs]

I don't get the whole spare the rod, spoil the child thing. Obviously, no one is literally using a rod.

We've had people at CF who were.

Certainly, that was what happened around the time the passage was written; that was the normal method of discipline.

It wasn't symbolic, at the time.

 

[quatona]

OP: Absolutely no.

 

[DivineRAiN]

Rae: I told her she must hate little girls to hurt them that way. I meant it then. I still feel that way now.

Not sure why you'd still feel that way now. Spankings aren't meant to be pleasant, neither is taking away the phone.. as kids we don't like to suffer the consequences, but as adults we should be able to understand that it wasn't done out of hate.

 

[crumbs2000]

"spanking" (way to go, setting up sexual fetishes in your kids).

Have you got any proof of that??

 

[fevoldj2]

Haha, just an excuse to touch the kid's butt... is that what you mean, Rae?

 

[Rae]

Not sure why you'd still feel that way now.

Because hitting is wrong and a violation of my bodily integrity. I'm not sure why you'd think that hitting someone should be something they should forget or excuse away later. Abuse is always wrong, whether it happened thirty minutes or thirty years ago.

Spankings can be sexual, and can indeed cause [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Too many people are interested in them for said purpose for me to believe otherwise.

 

[DivineRAiN]

Rae: Because hitting is wrong and a violation of my bodily integrity. I'm not sure why you'd think that hitting someone should be something they should forget or excuse away later. Abuse is always wrong, whether it happened thirty minutes or thirty years ago.

Abuse is what my Mother and 3 of her siblings grew up with.. where being late from school would have my Grandfather punching them like he would a man. After a sever beating he gave to my aunt (to where she can't have children), she was taken out of the home. They were abused, I was spanked, and my daughter was spanked.
It doesn't really matter if it isn't forgotten and it doesn't need an excuse, it's a form of discipline that some parents use n some don't.
As parents we're going to make decisions while raising our kids that they're not going to like.. some of those decisions are gonna make them feel as if they hate us, n they're gonna feel hurt.

 

[Rae]

it's a form of discipline

No, it's not. It's abuse, pure and simple, and no one should ever hit a child.