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To Reconcile or Not to Reconcile

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by MLM146, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. akmom

    akmom Newbie

    It sounds like an invalid marriage to me. I'm not sure how that worked in biblical times. I mean, Jacob married Rachel and then discovered it was Leah, and yet he was obligated to keep her. I always wondered why he didn't just abandon her and wash his hands of the whole affair, returning Leah to Laban and running off with Rachel. I guess consummation of the marriage was really a key thing back then. I'm not sure if it is today. If you were a previously unmarried virgin, I can see how this would be a serious conundrum. If not, then I guess the consummation wouldn't be such a big deal and the rest is just fraud, so... I'd be tempted to take off. Not sure what the biblical answer is.

    Marrying someone you have not known for very long isn't unprecedented. Arranged marriages are very similar and have good success rates. The difference here is that those are typically arranged by the family. So both your family and his family are involved in the agreements and can get to know each other and develop trust and a good understanding of what the marital assets will be. It's hard to hide your identity and past when your whole family is involved. A church family might be able to take on this role, but it sounds like they hadn't known him very long, and you were connected by a "sister" church that is geographically separate. I'm not sure what kind of connection makes it one church, but it certainly isn't a shared body of believers who regularly fellowship together and do outreach in the community. That would be impossible. It also didn't involve anyone looking out for you in terms of marital assets, like a family would do diligently in cultures where marriages are arranged. It was just you assuming his employability based on his alleged work history.

    So again, you arranged your marriage in a way that lacked any of the protections in a traditionally arranged marriage. I guess I don't understand why you went about seeking a spouse this way, but those are certainly important considerations.
  2. DZoolander

    DZoolander Persnickety Member

    United States
    If it were me I'd divorce the guy, learn from my obvious mistakes, then go about the rest of my life.
  3. Llleopard

    Llleopard Active Member

    New Zealand
    In nz this marriage would not be legally valid. The couple must make verbal vows that state a commitment to a long term relationship, whether it is a registry office or anywhere. Check on what your country needs to make a marriage legal.