Greetings,
I am seeking some guidance on what to do about my relationship with the person I married earlier this year.
I married a guy that I met through my churches global dating site in January of this year. We made our first contact in December 2017, courted over the phone for 3 week before meeting in person at a New Years Eve party orchestrated by one of our sister churches in South Carolina. Our first meeting was great and we had a fun filled weekend. During our phone conversations, we discussed our views about marriage and relationships. At the time, my view was that when two people bring honesty and lay their lives out on the table, find that they share the same core values, and are willing to work with what the other person is bringing to the table, they can marry and work out the kinks later.
In January 2018, we got married after 49 days or knowing each other; very quickly I know. We just went to the clerks office in my city and applied for a marriage certificate, got it signed by my uncle who is a clergyman, and were married. No vows, no hands before God, etc. Just a signed marriage certificate. I agreed under the perceived comfort and safety of having met some of his spiritual mentors while in South Carolina, the culture of our body of churches around dating and marriage, and of course my mindset previously mentioned regarding honesty. Although there were things that made me nervous, he came off as seemingly very spiritual.
Things started off badly and I thought that is was because we married so quickly. I was hopeful that with time, we would be able to work out our differences and that the marriage would improve. Many things happened that made me question his motives very early. Any time we had financial discussions, he would give flaky answers. He was honest about money. He presented that he had been a Marine and that he worked for the government so I had the impression that when moved to my city he had certain connections and job experience that would make it easy for him to get a job. There are too many things to name that made me question who he was after we got married and began living together.
To make a long story short, we had begun counseling with an elder at our church to try and work on the marriage. Some things I shared with the elder and some things I didn't. Mainly because I feared ridicule and embarrassment that things were going so horribly after we married as strangers. I got a few phone calls from what seemed to be bill collectors but they were asking for a person that had my husbands first name but a different last name. It puzzled me and when I asked him about he implied that it was scammers and that I should block the numbers. I ignored the messages but got the same call two or three more times. In light of all of the other issues we were having, I decided to conduct a background check on him using the name he currently uses and the name that was left on the voicemails. It turned out that he was in fact the person that the bill collectors were asking about and that he had been lying about his identity the entire 5 1/2 months we had been married.
He had been lying about his name because it carried a criminal record, his age, the number of times he had been married, his education, being in the military, his credit and financial status, and soo much more. I was undoubtedly broken, afraid, terrified, angry, etc. Few words have sufficed to put into words all of things I felt upon finding this information. When I confronted him about it, he did not openly confess, it took a few days for him to come all the way clean, and many things that I have questioned he still has not openly and humbly answered. We separated back in July after I found out about the deceit. Since separating he has not returned to his hometown but he started counseling to get help because it turned out that he had not only lied to me, he lied to his previous wives, and to his spiritual mentors about the same things. This is why they did not alert me when I met them. He wants to stay married and believes that if he repents, that we can have a health marriage. I feel very differently, like had he been honest upfront I would have made a different decision. I feel robbed of my choice to decide if I want to be attached to what he comes with.
My question is this, Does God want me to honor this marriage? I have really been battling with the thought "How can God have a Holy Stamp on something that was so fraudulent?" Is this marriage adulterous because of his previous marriages? Can I divorce him and still be pleasing in God's sight? Because we entered into this so quickly, does God want me to stay and learn a lesson? I just really don't know what to do. Please help me to see what God would say about this situation.
I am seeking some guidance on what to do about my relationship with the person I married earlier this year.
I married a guy that I met through my churches global dating site in January of this year. We made our first contact in December 2017, courted over the phone for 3 week before meeting in person at a New Years Eve party orchestrated by one of our sister churches in South Carolina. Our first meeting was great and we had a fun filled weekend. During our phone conversations, we discussed our views about marriage and relationships. At the time, my view was that when two people bring honesty and lay their lives out on the table, find that they share the same core values, and are willing to work with what the other person is bringing to the table, they can marry and work out the kinks later.
In January 2018, we got married after 49 days or knowing each other; very quickly I know. We just went to the clerks office in my city and applied for a marriage certificate, got it signed by my uncle who is a clergyman, and were married. No vows, no hands before God, etc. Just a signed marriage certificate. I agreed under the perceived comfort and safety of having met some of his spiritual mentors while in South Carolina, the culture of our body of churches around dating and marriage, and of course my mindset previously mentioned regarding honesty. Although there were things that made me nervous, he came off as seemingly very spiritual.
Things started off badly and I thought that is was because we married so quickly. I was hopeful that with time, we would be able to work out our differences and that the marriage would improve. Many things happened that made me question his motives very early. Any time we had financial discussions, he would give flaky answers. He was honest about money. He presented that he had been a Marine and that he worked for the government so I had the impression that when moved to my city he had certain connections and job experience that would make it easy for him to get a job. There are too many things to name that made me question who he was after we got married and began living together.
To make a long story short, we had begun counseling with an elder at our church to try and work on the marriage. Some things I shared with the elder and some things I didn't. Mainly because I feared ridicule and embarrassment that things were going so horribly after we married as strangers. I got a few phone calls from what seemed to be bill collectors but they were asking for a person that had my husbands first name but a different last name. It puzzled me and when I asked him about he implied that it was scammers and that I should block the numbers. I ignored the messages but got the same call two or three more times. In light of all of the other issues we were having, I decided to conduct a background check on him using the name he currently uses and the name that was left on the voicemails. It turned out that he was in fact the person that the bill collectors were asking about and that he had been lying about his identity the entire 5 1/2 months we had been married.
He had been lying about his name because it carried a criminal record, his age, the number of times he had been married, his education, being in the military, his credit and financial status, and soo much more. I was undoubtedly broken, afraid, terrified, angry, etc. Few words have sufficed to put into words all of things I felt upon finding this information. When I confronted him about it, he did not openly confess, it took a few days for him to come all the way clean, and many things that I have questioned he still has not openly and humbly answered. We separated back in July after I found out about the deceit. Since separating he has not returned to his hometown but he started counseling to get help because it turned out that he had not only lied to me, he lied to his previous wives, and to his spiritual mentors about the same things. This is why they did not alert me when I met them. He wants to stay married and believes that if he repents, that we can have a health marriage. I feel very differently, like had he been honest upfront I would have made a different decision. I feel robbed of my choice to decide if I want to be attached to what he comes with.
My question is this, Does God want me to honor this marriage? I have really been battling with the thought "How can God have a Holy Stamp on something that was so fraudulent?" Is this marriage adulterous because of his previous marriages? Can I divorce him and still be pleasing in God's sight? Because we entered into this so quickly, does God want me to stay and learn a lesson? I just really don't know what to do. Please help me to see what God would say about this situation.
