To Date or Not to Date

[tiggerandelise]

I have this friend that I’ve been really good friends with for a little over a year. We go to school & church together and are involved with so many things together in our youth group & such, so we’re pretty close friends. I really like him & he really likes me too... A weird thing that I’ve never had to deal with before haha. For at least 4 years, I have strongly believed that dating in high school is stupid...and that you shouldn’t date unless you’re looking to be married. First of all, I never saw any good examples of what a high school dating relationship should even look like...and second of all, I always saw it as a black and white thing because it seemed most logical. Now, I’m 16 & my mindset is twisting. For a long time, even while just being friends with this guy & liking him, I still strongly believed in waiting until after high school to date. Now, we’re at a point where we’re practically dating with the exception of the title & hanging out much as just us together. It feels funny to say — and some may believe it’s childish to say — but I really do see a potential with him. I have a super long list of qualities someday I thought I would look for, and he oddly enough matches them. I’ve never met or seen anyone like him & you may say that sounds childish, but that’s extremely true...I just never expected to have such an awesome best friend. We’ve said that waiting until college is obviously the best thing to do, but yet we’re only liking each other more and more & it’s just getting harder to see that we have 3ish more years until college. We’ve both said that whether we date before college or not, we’re going to keep liking each other & that that is honestly just going to grow. We’re both willing to wait, the fact is just how. Feelings don’t slow down & backwards isn’t a direction to go. If we date in our junior/senior year of high school, I don’t want it to be of temptation or just desire...It just almost sounds healthy which sounds wonkily funny. But dating doesn’t have to mean going deep & even anything to do with physical touch. Can we have a healthy relationship like where we’re at now as friends? Even if we ended up dating for yeeears, could it be more healthy to date for years than to be confused best friends for years? We both have the same good intentions...firm in who we are & what we believe. Morals line up & we agree on boundaries and everything. The positive side of dating instead of waiting for a long time could be that things would be more intentional if that makes sense without explanation. Also, more exclusivity then and spending time with my best friend without people not getting confused or not understanding exactly. Also, college being 3 years away, not that we can’t make it, but maybe if we dated in high school, we would put our relationship more to the test & there wouldn’t be so much pressure to make it work perfectly as our first relationships in college. Not that this is an exact reason to date, but we would be an example to people in our school of what a relationship is actually supposed to be like. Repeating sort of before, waiting makes the level of pressure for it to work increase. Figuring out that we don’t work as more than just best friends before classes and careers seems better. I’ve always believed that you shouldn’t just date around, but that you should be intentional. And although I’m considering not waiting years to date, I know that even if it doesn’t work out for us, I don’t have to marry the first person I date....In waiting until college to even date, I see feelings potentially inaccurately growing and hoping towards a great relationship. The longer we wait, the more our feelings grow & the harder a breakup in college after that would even be to consider...even if God’s plan isn’t in that same direction. Anyways, I say all of that not believing that my thoughts are necessarily true, I just want to know if that sounds stupid or if anyone understands where I’m coming from.

 

[thehehe]

This is your choice, we cannot tell you what you should truly decide. What do YOU want for your future? I would only tell you that there is nothing stupid in all of this, no matter what you decide to the end, it will be a much wiser decision as you accepted to think about it in the first place. I'd say that it mostly depends on the reasons you would like to date or even get a boyfriend. Is this in order to wish the best for someone and to build something or just to "get" a boyfriend, in a kind of materialistic and reassuring way? Are you in peace with yourself?
In both cases, this is surely not a definitive choice, and anyway you will make mistakes in your life. Dating someone at 16 does not force you to act like an adult, so you should not worry that much of the consequences or immediately plan a radiant future - I don't tell you to do the contrary, simply to give to this event its rightful place. Anyway, there are many styles of relationship and you do not have to be like these couples always kissing or hugging everywhere in the school. About being a kind of role-model to your schoolmates, you could be one as a date, so I don't totally think this is an accurate argument - moreover, being a role-model should not truly influence such private decisions. Now, I like how you think about friendship before anything, and I would personally encourage you to continue to build such an amazing friendship : whatever you decide, patience is the key to many great accomplishments.
To sum up my post, you should directly talk about it with your friend and consider all of it together. Nothing is better than a great talk in these cases If you need time to decide or to try a relationship, take it! Take as much time as you need! And trust yourself and your decisions!
And welcome on the forum!!