Tired of the Confusion

[DesignerNate]

Hey Everyone,

I have been posting on this board for a bit now, I have explained that While I struggle with Homosexuality I ultimately considered it against God's will. However recently I have just gotten tired holding up this belief. See one thing you have to know about me is that while I have had a sexual attraction toward men, I have never pursued any kind of romantic relationship with another man. While I have many good friends that are men, most of me really wants an exclusive relationship with another man.

The main reason I have been afraid of pursuing this is because I fear what my parents and family will think, what a lot of my Christian friends will think and ultimately what God will think. But with that fear am I supposed to deny myself true happiness? I guess I am just tired of living life alone. I don't want to just abandon God, I want to ultimately follow God's will for my life, but I guess I just have trouble seeing why homosexuality is so wrong (if it is), and I am tired of feeling like I have to change something that wasn't truly my choice to begin with. Also I haven't really had much success with actually changing my feelings toward men. While I think its valuable to fully examine your heart, it doesn't change that at the end of the day my longing is still for a male companion.

Here's my biggest concern, If homosexuality is wrong, than why is it something that at the core doesn't seem to go away? For example, while I can deny entertaining homosexual thoughts (i.e. that guy is hot), It doesn't change the fact that I initially felt that way. Heterosexuals don't have to feel bad for having the same thought towards a woman, but ultimately homosexuals must change and feel sinful? Now I have been trying to understand the nature of my attraction for years now, trying to heal the burdens that may have influenced me to be attracted to men. As far as I have come in that process, that core feeling has NEVER gone away. Even when I was fully convinced that homosexuality was wrong and sinful, if an attractive guy walked by I would always get that initial form of attraction.

So were you ever confused with the morality of homosexuality? What helped you become clear? If you think its okay to be gay and Christian, why? Likewise if you think it isn't okay, what is your reasons as well? I would preferably like to hear from people who have struggled over whether its right or wrong so I can get a clear sense of what kind of process you went through to arrive to your conclusion. Thanks for reading, hope to hear from you.

 

[BigBadWlf]

I understand your fears and concerns. I would have to think they are universal among homosexuals. But what is also universal is the love of God.

And I truly believe that you will find someone very worthy to love someday. And when that happens you can be sure God sent him to you.

You are concerned about what others will think.

I have several points to make

One: this is your life to live, not theirs. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt:” it is better to be hated for being who you are then loved for being who you are not.” be yourself and be honest.

Two: give your family some credit. They love you (I am assuming they do) and that means they love YOU, just as you are. 1 Corinthians says that Love does not demand its own way. Love does not involve demanding others be miserable or lie or live in denial. If someone is insisting something like that, then they are not being motivated by love or anything like it.

Three: there are millions of gay Christians they fond peace and happiness with God and I am sure you can too. And if you are being attacked by someone claiming to represent God, chances are they aren’t representing God at all.

 

[Ohioprof]

I never really struggled over whether being gay was right or wrong, because I have never seen this as a moral issue. I did struggle as a child with being different from other girls and not knowing what to call this or what it was. I worried that there was something wrong with me, but I had no name for it, no way to understand it. There was little written on this subject at the time, and it was still something that people did not discuss openly.

As I grew up, the feelings did not go away, and in college I finally met other people who accepted being gay. This was a shock and a revelation to me. I remember going to a play by a group of openly gay actors, both men and women, about coming out. I remember being stunned by this play, and I admired the courage of those who participated. That was in about 1974.

Then suddenly feminism emerged on campus, and a space opened up not only for women in general, but for gay people too. I remember seeing a poster that said, "Sisterhood is blooming. Springtime will never be the same." I have always remembered the moment I saw that poster, and how uplifted I felt by it. On our university campus, a group of women put on a play called "Women on My Mind," and it featured lesbians struggling with whether and how to come out. That was in 1976.

For me, the fear of coming out had nothing to do with any belief of mine that being gay was wrong, because it never made sense to me that being gay should be regarded as wrong. I feared social rejection, social ostracism if I came out. But that never really happened to me, except for one time at my work place, in the early 1980s, when I brought my partner to my company Christmas party. That was horrible. But mostly, people have accepted me as gay and have been very supportive. My family has been supportive, and my co-workers and community and church have been supportive. Things have changed a lot for gay people, mostly for the better, in my experience, as we have become more accepted and have had less reason to be afraid.

 

[Ohioprof]

Great post, Bigbadwlf.

 

[Tissue]

And I truly believe that you will find someone very worthy to love someday. And when that happens you can be sure God sent him to you.

I don't see how you can suggest this. Not everyone is meant to be married. Not everyone has that "special someone" out there for them. While the topic-poster might indeed, the only person who can say that for sure is God, and I'm pretty sure you'd rather not step on any toes in that regard.

 

[Phinehas2]

Dear DesignerNate,
Yes but I am continually tempted in lust for women, not just my wife, why wont that go away? I am continually tempted to greed thinking always of myself, yet following Christ is about considering God and others before oneself. I am continually having to keep a reign on my tongue and I seem to be able to praie God and gossip and grumble about things and people.
Whats so different about same-sex desires?

 

[HaloHope]

Hey Everyone,

I have been posting on this board for a bit now, I have explained that While I struggle with Homosexuality I ultimately considered it against God's will. However recently I have just gotten tired holding up this belief. See one thing you have to know about me is that while I have had a sexual attraction toward men, I have never pursued any kind of romantic relationship with another man. While I have many good friends that are men, most of me really wants an exclusive relationship with another man.

I don't think those who are against homosexuality truly fathom just what they are asking gay people to do, you know. People are like "well I had to give up lusting after women when I got married" (I think is frankly a bit weird to marry someone and still have eyes for other people in the first place imho) or "hey I stopped gossiping for Christ!" and other crap. Newsflash to these people, you are telling someone they can NEVER experience a romantic relationship with a person they are attracted to and to basically suck it up and deal with it. This is unreasonable. Everyone who wants a relationship and can find that with a consensual partner with the idea of staying together longer term should be able to do so. Nate you are fully entitled to do so, and it sure as hell won't annoy an ominipotent God who designed us to have romantic urges in the first place. You, as a human being deserve love and intimacy with someone you are attracted too.

The main reason I have been afraid of pursuing this is because I fear what my parents and family will think, what a lot of my Christian friends will think and ultimately what God will think.

This is a difficult situation for sure. But ultimately I would come to the conclusion that my happiness is a lot greater than that of my family and alleged freinds. If family abandon you or freinds abandon you then in my opinion they were not worth knowing in the first place. If they love you, 100% love you like they should they will stick by you no matter what.

But with that fear am I supposed to deny myself true happiness? I guess I am just tired of living life alone. I don't want to just abandon God, I want to ultimately follow God's will for my life, but I guess I just have trouble seeing why homosexuality is so wrong (if it is), and I am tired of feeling like I have to change something that wasn't truly my choice to begin with. Also I haven't really had much success with actually changing my feelings toward men. While I think its valuable to fully examine your heart, it doesn't change that at the end of the day my longing is still for a male companion.

My partner and I do our best as sinful human beings to serve God. We are gay, and we also are Christian, once you relax, stop worrying about your sexuality and let Gods love into your life I personally believe your worries will vanish and you will be as convicted as many of us here are that homosexuality isnt a sin.

Theres a reason you have had issues changing your sexuality towards men, and thats because your gay. No amount of gawping at women, or going "I didnt really fancy him" in your head, or praying for that matter will change that (in my opinion of course).

I think for everyone that wants a relationship there is a soulmate out there for them to find. WHen it comes to love in an ideal world gender would be completely irrelevant.

Here's my biggest concern, If homosexuality is wrong, than why is it something that at the core doesn't seem to go away? For example, while I can deny entertaining homosexual thoughts (i.e. that guy is hot), It doesn't change the fact that I initially felt that way. Heterosexuals don't have to feel bad for having the same thought towards a woman, but ultimately homosexuals must change and feel sinful? Now I have been trying to understand the nature of my attraction for years now, trying to heal the burdens that may have influenced me to be attracted to men. As far as I have come in that process, that core feeling has NEVER gone away. Even when I was fully convinced that homosexuality was wrong and sinful, if an attractive guy walked by I would always get that initial form of attraction.

Your right, its ridiculously unfair for hetrosexuals to be able to have a relationship with the person they love and for homosexuals not too. It defies all sense and logical thought.

So were you ever confused with the morality of homosexuality?

Not really, but I think as a transexual person I probably arrived at my sexuality a lot different than most gay people here

What helped you become clear? If you think its okay to be gay and Christian, why? Likewise if you think it isn't okay, what is your reasons as well? I would preferably like to hear from people who have struggled over whether its right or wrong so I can get a clear sense of what kind of process you went through to arrive to your conclusion. Thanks for reading, hope to hear from you.

Hopefully some other people will have a similar experience to you and be able to respond better than I.

 

[lincolngreen50]

Hey Everyone,

I have been posting on this board for a bit now, I have explained that While I struggle with Homosexuality I ultimately considered it against God's will. However recently I have just gotten tired holding up this belief. See one thing you have to know about me is that while I have had a sexual attraction toward men, I have never pursued any kind of romantic relationship with another man. While I have many good friends that are men, most of me really wants an exclusive relationship with another man.

The main reason I have been afraid of pursuing this is because I fear what my parents and family will think, what a lot of my Christian friends will think and ultimately what God will think. But with that fear am I supposed to deny myself true happiness? I guess I am just tired of living life alone. I don't want to just abandon God, I want to ultimately follow God's will for my life, but I guess I just have trouble seeing why homosexuality is so wrong (if it is), and I am tired of feeling like I have to change something that wasn't truly my choice to begin with. Also I haven't really had much success with actually changing my feelings toward men. While I think its valuable to fully examine your heart, it doesn't change that at the end of the day my longing is still for a male companion.

Here's my biggest concern, If homosexuality is wrong, than why is it something that at the core doesn't seem to go away? For example, while I can deny entertaining homosexual thoughts (i.e. that guy is hot), It doesn't change the fact that I initially felt that way. Heterosexuals don't have to feel bad for having the same thought towards a woman, but ultimately homosexuals must change and feel sinful? Now I have been trying to understand the nature of my attraction for years now, trying to heal the burdens that may have influenced me to be attracted to men. As far as I have come in that process, that core feeling has NEVER gone away. Even when I was fully convinced that homosexuality was wrong and sinful, if an attractive guy walked by I would always get that initial form of attraction.

So were you ever confused with the morality of homosexuality? What helped you become clear? If you think its okay to be gay and Christian, why? Likewise if you think it isn't okay, what is your reasons as well? I would preferably like to hear from people who have struggled over whether its right or wrong so I can get a clear sense of what kind of process you went through to arrive to your conclusion. Thanks for reading, hope to hear from you.

Dear Designernate.
You know Jesus says that you should love your God with all your soul and all your might.
As a Christian God should be the first love in your life above all else.
We all know the difference between right and wrong.
God created a concience so that the Holy Spirit could guide us all in the right dirrection.
We all know that killing,lieing,bearing false witness and immoral lifestyle is wrong.
When tempted our concience tells us not to go ahead with that temptation.
Listen to your concience.
Choose the Lord your God.
Trust in him and He will find a purpose for your life.
I will pray for you.

 

[DesignerNate]

Dear DesignerNate,
Yes but I am continually tempted in lust for women, not just my wife, why wont that go away? I am continually tempted to greed thinking always of myself, yet following Christ is about considering God and others before oneself. I am continually having to keep a reign on my tongue and I seem to be able to praie God and gossip and grumble about things and people.
Whats so different about same-sex desires?

Sorry if I didn't make myself clearer. While sure I can fall into lust for another man, just the same as anyone can be tempted by any sin, what I'm questioning is the initial desire to begin with. For example, while you can lust after a woman you ultimately don't need to change the very nature of your attraction, your attracted to women, so in God's eyes your okay, for homosexuals however we have to change that natural tenancy that we really can't seem to change and that is the initial desire. I just feel like through every other action I choose to make it seems to be the one feeling that I have little control over. And I have trouble seeing how my initial feeling is truly bad to begin with. In the same way that you would never really question your initial attraction toward women, I feel just as justified feeling attracted toward men.

 

[Ohioprof]

Dear DesignerNate,
Yes but I am continually tempted in lust for women, not just my wife, why wont that go away? I am continually tempted to greed thinking always of myself, yet following Christ is about considering God and others before oneself. I am continually having to keep a reign on my tongue and I seem to be able to praie God and gossip and grumble about things and people.
Whats so different about same-sex desires?

Committed love for a same-sex spouse is a good thing, not a sin. To have a committed spouse for life is good, not a sin. That's true for gay people as well as for heterosexuals.

 

[Ohioprof]

Sorry if I didn't make myself clearer. While sure I can fall into lust for another man, just the same as anyone can be tempted by any sin, what I'm questioning is the initial desire to begin with. For example, while you can lust after a woman you ultimately don't need to change the very nature of your attraction, your attracted to women, so in God's eyes your okay, for homosexuals however we have to change that natural tenancy that we really can't seem to change and that is the initial desire. I just feel like through every other action I choose to make it seems to be the one feeling that I have little control over. And I have trouble seeing how my initial feeling is truly bad to begin with. In the same way that you would never really question your initial attraction toward women, I feel just as justified feeling attracted toward men.

I would never tell you what to do with your life. I can only speak for myself. In my life, when I have felt something strongly, as part of my essential nature, I have never gone wrong to trust that feeling.

I know that I am gay, and I celebrate that. Being gay is an essential part of my nature, just as is being a woman. I regard being gay as a gift from God. I have never regretted accepting who I am and living as an openly gay person, as a gay Christian.

Whatever you decide for your life, I'm sure it will be the right decision for you.

 

[Psalms 119 v 105]

Sorry if I didn't make myself clearer. While sure I can fall into lust for another man, just the same as anyone can be tempted by any sin, what I'm questioning is the initial desire to begin with. For example, while you can lust after a woman you ultimately don't need to change the very nature of your attraction, your attracted to women, so in God's eyes your okay, for homosexuals however we have to change that natural tenancy that we really can't seem to change and that is the initial desire. I just feel like through every other action I choose to make it seems to be the one feeling that I have little control over. And I have trouble seeing how my initial feeling is truly bad to begin with. In the same way that you would never really question your initial attraction toward women, I feel just as justified feeling attracted toward men.

Dear DesignerNate,

Here are men who struggled over the same issues you stated in your post. I hope this helps you. Remember Jesus does love you.

http://www.stonewallrevisited.com/pages/alan.html

http://www.sbministries.org/testimon.html

http://www.anotherway.com/pages/michaelb.html

http://www.cleanheart.org/index.cfm?PageID=15

 

[DesignerNate]

Dear Designernate.
You know Jesus says that you should love your God with all your soul and all your might.
As a Christian God should be the first love in your life above all else.
We all know the difference between right and wrong.
God created a concience so that the Holy Spirit could guide us all in the right dirrection.
We all know that killing,lieing,bearing false witness and immoral lifestyle is wrong.
When tempted our concience tells us not to go ahead with that temptation.
Listen to your concience.
Choose the Lord your God.
Trust in him and He will find a purpose for your life.
I will pray for you.

I understand what your saying. The thing is I do love God and I do want to do what's right (heck its why I'm tormenting over this to begin with). The problem I keep arriving to is to me it doesn't seem fully wrong. Now I know that their are certainly sinful behaviors that accompany any kind of sexual attraction, and I'm not trying to justify those sins. What I seem to have trouble accepting as being sinful is the very initial urge itself. While its entirely possible that the urge is sinful I guess I just don't understand what I did to get such a punishment! I love and accept Jesus as my savior and want to do my best to follow him, but God moves in many ways. I don't feel an urge to go to the top of a mountain and live in solitude for the rest of my life, why? Because I see so much of God in other people! Through my friends and family, in my daily interactions with people, I wouldn't want to trade that in for a minute!

At the same time I know I want to grow deeper with people, and one day I would like to find a companion that I can share my heart with. The biggest problem is that ultimately I can't go looking for that person until either " I'm straight, or homosexuality becomes okay with me". I have been trying the first one for a while now and really nothing has really changed. Sure I've gained many insights to problems and fears that I have had but I can't seem to change that attraction to men. And its not just me. I have gotten plenty of support from friends and family and I have prayed endlessly about this, asking God to reveal what truly was in my heart. I do follow God and want what's best for me. I just have trouble seeing why I need to deny my natural attraction towards men.

 

[Ohioprof]

I understand what your saying. The thing is I do love God and I do want to do what's right (heck its why I'm tormenting over this to begin with). The problem I keep arriving to is to me it doesn't seem fully wrong. Now I know that their are certainly sinful behaviors that accompany any kind of sexual attraction, and I'm not trying to justify those sins. What I seem to have trouble accepting as being sinful is the very initial urge itself. While its entirely possible that the urge is sinful I guess I just don't understand what I did to get such a punishment! I love and accept Jesus as my savior and want to do my best to follow him, but God moves in many ways. I don't feel an urge to go to the top of a mountain and live in solitude for the rest of my life, why? Because I see so much of God in other people! Through my friends and family, in my daily interactions with people, I wouldn't want to trade that in for a minute!

At the same time I know I want to grow deeper with people, and one day I would like to find a companion that I can share my heart with. The biggest problem is that ultimately I can't go looking for that person until either " I'm straight, or homosexuality becomes okay with me". I have been trying the first one for a while now and really nothing has really changed. Sure I've gained many insights to problems and fears that I have had but I can't seem to change that attraction to men. And its not just me. I have gotten plenty of support from friends and family and I have prayed endlessly about this, asking God to reveal what truly was in my heart. I do follow God and want what's best for me. I just have trouble seeing why I need to deny my natural attraction towards men.

You don't have to deny it. I believe God will love you whatever you decide.

 

[DesignerNate]

Dear DesignerNate,

Here are men who struggled over the same issues you stated in your post. I hope this helps you. Remember Jesus does love you.

http://www.stonewallrevisited.com/pages/alan.html

http://www.sbministries.org/testimon.html

http://www.anotherway.com/pages/michaelb.html

http://www.cleanheart.org/index.cfm?PageID=15

While my heart goes out to what these men experienced, Much of what they were dealing with for me, just categorized just how much we are all broken inside. A broken past and a history of injury. My doubts come mainly in the form of definition. That is while these men certainly had a painful experience, is this the full spectrum of the homosexual experience? When I have been fully convinced that my homosexual feelings were immoral the first step that was always on my mind was figuring out what insecurities were causing it. That lead me on a journey of self-discovery and healing. However the hardest thing i have come across is the ultimate truth of the feeling. See for me, while i certainly struggle with a number of things, i feel that i can't categorize those things as being exclusively the cause of my homosexual feelings, which is why it has bothered me so, that I can never really put my finger on it. So I've done and continue to do work to try and reconcile my past as really ANYONE should. But yet still i can't seem to step away from this natural attraction towards other men. Now I'm fully able to admit that I'm not done yet, my healing isn't over but I have to look at things from all angles, I want to investigate if changing is really even necessary, or am I just denying what i long for out of fear? Its a tough battle but one that isn't over nor one that has reached a final conclusion.

 

[shepsgirl]

Jesus says you must take up your cross follow Him in two different verses- Matthew 10:38-39 and Luke 9:23-24. Those who stick with Him to the end will be rewarded for everything they have given up for Him. The fact that you are being tempted is a good thing; strange to say, but it is. The devil loves it when we are confused; he'll throw everything in our faces just to make us even more so in hopes of turning us away from God. Those desires may never completely go away. I know the sinful things that I used to do before I became a Christian, I still just as much want to do them today. I can't though because the Holy Spirit guards me against those things; maybe that's what is happening to you. God knows your heart and how much pain and confusion you're experiencing. Read the Bible and pray. Reach out to someone in your church and explain your struggles. I could never know exactly what you are going through, but I will keep you in my prayers. Pm me if you ever need to talk.

 

[Ohioprof]

Jesus says you must take up your cross follow Him in two different verses- Matthew 10:38-39 and Luke 9:23-24. Those who stick with Him to the end will be rewarded for everything they have given up for Him. The fact that you are being tempted is a good thing; strange to say, but it is. The devil loves it when we are confused; he'll throw everything in our faces just to make us even more so in hopes of turning us away from God. Those desires may never completely go away. I know the sinful things that I used to do before I became a Christian, I still just as much want to do them today. I can't though because the Holy Spirit guards me against those things; maybe that's what is happening to you. God knows your heart and how much pain and confusion you're experiencing. Read the Bible and pray. Reach out to someone in your church and explain your struggles. I could never know exactly what you are going through, but I will keep you in my prayers. Pm me if you ever need to talk.

Being gay is not a sin.

 

[Ohioprof]

In another thread, we started to write a song.

Here's more, inspired by this thread's title:

I'm tired of this confusion
So tired of always losin'
I hate the pain of choosin'
Where will it end? Whooooaaaaa, where will it end?

 

[Floatingaxe]

If homosexuality is wrong, than why is it something that at the core doesn't seem to go away?

Because we are sinful to the core. We all struggle with many things that take us far from God. I do. Everyday I lay my burden down at the cross, amd trust in Jesus Christ.

Daily walking with God is the only way we are able to keep sin at bay. Reading His Word, journalling what He is saying to you daily from His Word, prayer including adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplications (ACTS) and worshipping Him everyday in song will keep the Holy spirit close.

Keeping short accounts with God will assist us in becoming overcomers!

I will be praying for you, Nate.

 

[ChaliceThunder]

Because we are sinful to the core. We all struggle with many things that take us far from God. I do. Everyday I lay my burden down at the cross, amd trust in Jesus Christ.

Daily walking with God is the only way we are able to keep sin at bay. Reading His Word, journalling what He is saying to you daily from His Word, prayer including adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplications (ACTS) and worshipping Him everyday in song will keep the Holy spirit close.

Keeping short accounts with God will assist us in becoming overcomers!

I will be praying for you, Nate.

If you are sinful to the core, that is your issue. Perhaps you need to spend more time in repentance and less time persecuting God's beloved who happen to be gay.