Time to do it again

[AWorkInProgress]

2 Chronicles 7:14

"14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. " -God

This passage gotten me thru 3 addictions. They really don't phase me anymore. Now I have 2 new struggles that makes me feel like I am trying to climb Mount Everist(probably misspelled it).

I am here to humble myself. I have a problem with finding love(being cared for) and finding fullfillness. My work is slowly suffering, for I keep coming to this forum looking to help people and maybe make a few friends, but I have a massive Log in my own eye.

Even now I met some intresting people I feel like I can help, but my female friends I have subconquence just won't shut up. Keeps evaluating and pondering "what if this was the one". I want my intentions clean, but with this crap going on behind my eyes I can't trust myself.

I stopped praying for myself few weeks ago, but I am starting to now. I became free from my old sins, I want to be free from these.

Tell my parents tonight complete the humbling.

Thank you for listening.

 

[heymikey80]

Keep going with this. It's extremely important to get a right, realistic view of yourself in this regard. I'm so familiar with that little voice, too, yammering away about this or that, "Should I? Does she?"

The voice never went away. But -- after a big meltdown -- I found I couldn't possibly take it seriously. It was just so wrong about reality. How horrible it would be for me to listen to this voice after I got married. I know it would've destroyed my lifelong relationship.

Nowadays I find the most freedom and joy by laughing at how serious that voice sounds -- when it is just sooo ... utterly ... wrong.

I can't but think that voice comes straight from the pit of Hell. So now I hug my wife and know it's a stupid, stupid voice.

I'll pray you find the same freedom, or even more, find a way to turn it off. And tell me how!

 

[AWorkInProgress]

It's annoying to say the least.

Sorry to others wondering what am I complaining about. God has touched me with wisdom, he was right I know the answers all along just not applying the knowledge.

It's my retarded way of thinking that is hurting me. First part my ultimate desire is to find a soulmate. My mentality hates failure in things I do, so I turned my inablility to find a soulmate into my greatest failure. Depressed me big time, when loneliness was triggered. Double wammy sorta speak. Made me feel like all the good work I done was worth nothing.That's been corrected, but I now I know what I need to look for in a career to find fullfillness.

Loneliness is purely my fault...such the perfectionist that keeps me within a major comfort zone. Turning on my home internet was most likely a mistake. I have to get out of this lonely place(my appartment) and get out more. Just around here I don't know of any place that I can hang out and be somewhat fullfilling. >< I have to try thou, loneliness is stumping my growth. I think too much on how to find what I desire, even scheming when I help others more direct.(which is the part I hate the most)

God I hate being me sometimes ><

 

[UnitynLove]

thank you

 

[Anti Existance]

You have to be like a castle gate, closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events.

You have to step towards the people if you want to meet someone. Make sure you aren't your own worst enemy of meeting other people. Living like a hermit isn't a good lifestyle, its better if you open yourself up to nice people and things, and events because it opens up your life and can make you experience a lot more.

You see now its just 'your world' if you include other people's worlds into your own life you are bound to experience a lot more. Its just important that in your life you keep on lovign and helping other people, and that you NEVER give a spin to that wheel of hatred, and refuse to go into arguments that will only poison the relationship with the people that you love.

Don't let others determine your life, there's always something in life that wants to stop you, you have to step over that and go forwards anyway.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Thanks,

My lonely heart was causing so much heartache that I caved and started searching most match making sites. Even stumbled last sunday thanks to outside emotional stressors(Step Dad).

As I posted in depression forums, sometimes the key is right there infront of me but just accepting it is the hardest part.

God pointed out to me Marriage does not cure the lonely heart, only true friends do. Say it took the shackles of desparation off. Proverbs spoke much of this too.

I still got ways to go, but atleast I am not completely a slave to my dysfunction or lack of understanding.

Learning never stops...

 

[UnitynLove]

Thanks,

My lonely heart was causing so much heartache that I caved and started searching most match making sites. Even stumbled last sunday thanks to outside emotional stressors(Step Dad).

As I posted in depression forums, sometimes the key is right there infront of me but just accepting it is the hardest part.

God pointed out to me Marriage does not cure the lonely heart, only true friends do. Say it took the shackles of desparation off. Proverbs spoke much of this too.

I still got ways to go, but atleast I am not completely a slave to my dysfunction or lack of understanding.

Learning never stops...

Very mature answer. You are definatly growing in Christ I can see.

 

[Akathist]

Thanks,

My lonely heart was causing so much heartache that I caved and started searching most match making sites. Even stumbled last sunday thanks to outside emotional stressors(Step Dad).

As I posted in depression forums, sometimes the key is right there infront of me but just accepting it is the hardest part.

God pointed out to me Marriage does not cure the lonely heart, only true friends do. Say it took the shackles of desparation off. Proverbs spoke much of this too.

I still got ways to go, but atleast I am not completely a slave to my dysfunction or lack of understanding.

Learning never stops...

I agree with you about marriage not curing the lonely heart. Some of the lonliest people I know are married!

You seem to be on the right track. I suggest however, that instead of looking for a soul mate, you pray for one then get out of God's way and not try to find one yourself but trust that God knows your needs and will take care of you. Then put your focus on your own growth in virtue and faith.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Thank you all.

I have to ask a dumb question now or like redefine something. Since loneliness won't be cured from marriage, I feel like I need purpose of marriage defined again.

Before I was saved, I did as I pleased and really thought having a relationship was an unreachible goal. I asked a simple question then bam I thought I met woman of my dreams or what was impossible. She opened up a side of me that been pretty much dead, in the few days I was with her it was a great feeling. I believe this all happened for a reason thou, because it showed me what sinner I was and once it all crashed I decided to seek god as top priority.

Feel like I have to do that again, put that part of me back in the closet and keep focus on my realignment with god. God wants to throw me another curve ball, this time I will be ready. I can't live like this anymore, I have stay focus on finding purpose and undoing years of dysfunctions and lack of understanding.