- Jun 13, 2002
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You know, it is hard to really wrap my brain around, but at this time last year, I was at my wit's end. I was just thinking today that in three months time, it will have been a year since I decided to buckle down and fight for my marriage when all I really wanted to do was run....and fast.
It doesn't seem like it's been that long. Really, it feels like when I talk about it that it really only happened a short time ago. But, since then my child has had another birthday, we've bought a house together, gained a kitten, and learned how to smile at each other all over again. It seems like we've done so much in 9 months, like we've had a pregnant marriage all that time that is finally really bearing us good fruit.
Things have been a struggle, with some real good times and some really hard ones. I still fight with my own selfishness and confusions. My husband still does battle with his pornography addiction and neglect. However, we have seen some amazing transformations in these past few months. I've come to know more about what it is to be submissive, to choose not to fight over every stupid little thing. I've learned ways to show respect to my husband, how to take correction gracefully, how to speak sweetly even when correcting hurtful behavior. My husband has changed the way that he reacts to me in so many ways. He makes time to do the things that he enjoys, which leaves him even happier and content to do "girlie" things with me. So, we can share more things together. He gives me credit for the things that I do and shows how grateful that he is that I care enough to do things for him. He actually looks in my eyes when he tells me that he loves me now. The porn has been set aside, and instead he chooses to turn to me. Even if he makes a poor choice, I am much better equipped to react in a godly manner, expressing my love and support instead of bitter anger.
It wasn't too terribly long ago, that I can tell by the numbers. However, it actually feels like a lifetime ago that I was on the edge of running away with my tail tucked between my legs. It feels like a lifetime ago that we were treating each other so bad, always at each other's throats or completely living in an icy marriage. I thank God that He has been there for us, guiding us through His Word and the loving support of our friends. I count many of you, here at CF, among those friends that have helped to pull us through. We have learned so much more about communication and expressions of love, and it wouldn't have worked out in a positive way if it wasn't for the guidance of our Lord and the caring of y'all. I feel greatly blessed.
I can say for the first time in a long time that I am not only content, but I am happy. I know that there are going to be days when we diagree, when we stumble and have hard times. I do believe that these past years have been a real strengthening fire to our marriage though, teaching us to grow together and fight together instead of turning on each other. Life is good.
It doesn't seem like it's been that long. Really, it feels like when I talk about it that it really only happened a short time ago. But, since then my child has had another birthday, we've bought a house together, gained a kitten, and learned how to smile at each other all over again. It seems like we've done so much in 9 months, like we've had a pregnant marriage all that time that is finally really bearing us good fruit.
Things have been a struggle, with some real good times and some really hard ones. I still fight with my own selfishness and confusions. My husband still does battle with his pornography addiction and neglect. However, we have seen some amazing transformations in these past few months. I've come to know more about what it is to be submissive, to choose not to fight over every stupid little thing. I've learned ways to show respect to my husband, how to take correction gracefully, how to speak sweetly even when correcting hurtful behavior. My husband has changed the way that he reacts to me in so many ways. He makes time to do the things that he enjoys, which leaves him even happier and content to do "girlie" things with me. So, we can share more things together. He gives me credit for the things that I do and shows how grateful that he is that I care enough to do things for him. He actually looks in my eyes when he tells me that he loves me now. The porn has been set aside, and instead he chooses to turn to me. Even if he makes a poor choice, I am much better equipped to react in a godly manner, expressing my love and support instead of bitter anger.
It wasn't too terribly long ago, that I can tell by the numbers. However, it actually feels like a lifetime ago that I was on the edge of running away with my tail tucked between my legs. It feels like a lifetime ago that we were treating each other so bad, always at each other's throats or completely living in an icy marriage. I thank God that He has been there for us, guiding us through His Word and the loving support of our friends. I count many of you, here at CF, among those friends that have helped to pull us through. We have learned so much more about communication and expressions of love, and it wouldn't have worked out in a positive way if it wasn't for the guidance of our Lord and the caring of y'all. I feel greatly blessed.
I can say for the first time in a long time that I am not only content, but I am happy. I know that there are going to be days when we diagree, when we stumble and have hard times. I do believe that these past years have been a real strengthening fire to our marriage though, teaching us to grow together and fight together instead of turning on each other. Life is good.
