[thread move] Dont Judge Me

[GlennK]

well.. i've been figuring things out lately. i've found a piece of myself i've been looking for.. for years even before weed. go figure, i figured it out after being only a lil high.

anyways, lately for the last couple years i've been in a real slump sort of and i couldn't figure it out. naturally, with what i believe in my heart, i blamed it on weed... but the truth is that's not it at all.

i could never really have a relaxed conversation... it was so hard to come by if it ever did at all... i didn't know why i was always felt stiff and stuff... like i always had trouble relating to people and finding the right thing to say... it's what i wanted more than anything, just to be able to speak my mind freely and to be able to have something to say to interact with people... that's what i struggled with.... i began to notice all my thoughts were thoughts of fear and defeat because i was having trouble with my social skills... it was like i just couldn't talk to people, i was having trouble holding a conversation, interacting with people in general.... it always stressed me out, it never felt natural, and i felt like i never knew HOW to interact socially... like i had lost the touch or the art of interacting with people that i had when i was really young... if i ever had it at all

anyways,


but i've realized it's all just communications... i really don't know how to explain what i've realized.. i can hold long and interesting conversations now of just about anything, i feel like i REALLY can pursue that special girl i have my eye on with no problem... and it's all just communicating what i believe and how i believe...

don't get me wrong i consider myself a pretty smart guy... but it took me this long of my life to figure out something this simple!? sigh... and the most interesting part is it has nothing to do with pot... and it has everything to do with just figuring myself out... so the last two years i've been blaming this problem i've been having on an addiction completely not related to it, because in truth it started before pot, and the truth is i'm not addicted.

well... i feel so much better, like the pieces are falling into place and everything makes sense now. God has shown me what I'm looking for. Things are about to change, because just now... even so, i have changed.

 

[BobW188]

Be careful. You may be right; but you may be rationalizing. We AAs speak of alcohol as "cunning, baffling, powerful"; and the same goes for any addiction. There are always "good" reasons to keep on a'doin it and, of course, it's never an addiction!

Like I say, you may be right but, even if you are, there's always the cops. Proceed with caution.

 

[BlessEwe]

Good morning Glen,

The social issue is a classic reason why people use/abuse to feel relaxed. People who do not have a problem are the opposite and do not like the feeling drugs/alcohol gives and stop at 1 or never.

Hope it works out with this girl,

 

[TheMainException]

This is great Glenn...continue the self exploration, grow in your self awareness. As you stay sober and look at who you are and why you are, you'll see more and more of the things that seem "simple" but that you couldn't figure out. It seems like humans just tend to try and ignore things, we all do at times. It seems like you are making a lot of progress. That's awesome. It makes me glad.

 

[GlennK]

Wellp. I was going to make a post and whine and cry about stuff i couldn't figure out today but you know what...

the only one to blame for my day is me, because only I am responsible for myself... I will never give up on becoming the man I want to be. Ever. I know the enemy is against me, but God is so much more for me.. I know that the more I have failure and defeat in my mind, the more I will have defeat in life, and the more I have victory in my mind, the more I will be victorious in life.

 

[BobW188]

I don't know what you couldn't figure out today; but I do know this: you will have failiure and defeat in your mind and in your life until you learn the lessons they are trying to teach you. Apart from that, you'll find that your (usually self-described) "successes" are fleeting if not sheer illusion.
Rudyard Kipling put it very well: "If you can meet with triumph and disaster/And treat these two impostors just the same."
Also remember: the idea is to work at becoming the man God wants you to be. You won't fully succeed in this life; but the fact is you'll enjoy it more. The true victories in this life are the ones He hands you.

 

[GlennK]

it had to do with ... heh nothing anymore

 

[TheMainException]

it had to do with ... heh nothing anymore

That's the way it often is...

 

[GlennK]

... was kickin it listen some to beats with a few of my homes in the dorm parking lot earlier and smokin and the chick i been prowlin on walks by... almost saw me smokin heh heh.. too close


whew sigh of relief.. that is why you do not smoke...

it's okay.. no point to this story other than it was funny and i smoke less and less as the weeks tick by.

 

[BobW188]

Like the little boy said after reading "Not Dead But Sleeping" on a headstone, "That dude ain't foolin' nobody but hisself."

 

[TheMainException]

Like the little boy said after reading "Not Dead But Sleeping" on a headstone, "That dude ain't foolin' nobody but hisself."

I love this quote Bob. hahaha.

... was kickin it listen some to beats with a few of my homes in the dorm parking lot earlier and smokin and the chick i been prowlin on walks by... almost saw me smokin heh heh.. too close


whew sigh of relief.. that is why you do not smoke...

it's okay.. no point to this story other than it was funny and i smoke less and less as the weeks tick by.

If that's the only reason you've got, go and collect some more. Before you smoke THINK. That's the hardest thing for me to do...thinking about it is hard. I tend to get into rifts were I just stop thinking and do stuff...mostly drugs or chemicals in general.

 

[GlennK]

I love this quote Bob. hahaha.

i don't know that quote

 

[BobW188]

You do now.

 

[GlennK]

hmm, are you saying you think she knows i smoke?

 

[TheMainException]

hmm, are you saying you think she knows i smoke?

She might, but what it's saying in my mind is that...dude, you're fooling yourself...stop smoking.

 

[BobW188]

Exactly. And you're keeping secrets from someone you claim to care about. That's cool if her birthday's coming up and you've got a $1,000 present stashed away; but lying about your drinking, drugging or smoking (anything) says right there you've got a problem.
You think we ain't walked this road?

 

[GlennK]

the more i learn about life, the more i find myself overcoming these silly fears that are well.. just silly and shallow..

when you slow it down, don't rush and don't worry about it or stress it things roll so much better..

i gotta push myself to do things that are uncomfortable to both challenge my own sense of fear and to get outside of my own comfort zone. my mistakes don't define me.

 

[TheMainException]

Well said Glenn! Excellent revelation! Keep gaining self awareness. Girls love a guy who knows himself (or tries to understand himself). It shows a sense of responsibility and a caring attitude. The thought is, if you care enough about yourself to think about what's REALLY going on, then you must have something in you that at least cares a little more than the average Joe about what happens and what is going on to and with others.

 

[BelindaP]

Nobody else has said this, so I'm going to jump and and make a suggestion. Stay away from the girls right now. Here's why.

You will end up leaning on her like a crutch and if you break up (which you almost certainly will), you'll end up back in the weed habit.

You need to get your life in order and maintain yourself before you can even consider joining your life (even dating) with another person. It is important that you learn to rely on God as your strength.

I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but that's my advice.

 

[BobW188]

And good advice it is, too. Sometimes the heart won't let us follow it. If so, we can keep it in mind and be aware. Always a good question: Is this a relationship or a dependency?