Thoughts on Fictosexuality?

[yeshuaslavejeff]

But how else can any of what i'm thinking or feeling be explained?

We are all subject to spiritual attacks.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

My observation is that those powerful things within us come from a few different sources.
1. There is that person God intends you to be. The personality, interests, and passions that are the unique person He wants you to become.
2. There are the expectations, lies, wounds, traumas, and pressures that have been put onto us by the people, world, and society around us. Some of these become so familiar that we decide that they are part of us. We take labels such as "fatty", "dummy", and the like and make them our identity. We act in particular ways to make people around us happy and lose our own identity. We get so used to this that we come to believe that is who we are.
3. There are those things that on our own we decided to emphasize and pursue and make part of us.

(I could have put this into traditional Christian language of new creation, attacks of the enemy and conforming to the world, and sin-nature. But, I think sometimes hearing it in different terms is helpful.)

If we liken our lives to a garden, we want to spend our time watering and tending those things that God wants in there. If we spend our efforts watering and tending other stuff, the main thing we'll have over time are weeds. They'll grow really well and be green and sprout, but in the long run, they are not what we want. Anything in our lives that is based on hurt, trauma, lies, or other such things is not going to produce a good garden. It will eventually start choking out the good stuff.

Note that I am not talking only about bad "sins" per se. I am talking about anything and everything that God hasn't put in there as the unique treasure that He wants us to be. This might be believing we are "dumb" or "unlikeable" or whatever teasing or angry vengeful thing a "friend" or authority figure verbally abused us with when we were little. Some behaviors we adopt as adults are basically scars and reactions to those things that God needs to heal us from. Some behaviors are symptoms of some root cause God wants to deal with. Sometimes it is the symptoms that God uses to drive us to Him to work on the root of the problem.

In one sense, what you describe sounds similar to people who are addicted to porn. There is a strong attraction to something that seems realer than real life and produces more intense emotional and physical reactions. The people I've heard who seem most knowledgeable on this talk of two general things to be done. One step is to try to mitigate the damage and reduce it. Sometimes this is enough. But sometimes there is an underlying root that is more serious and the porn or other behaviors are symptoms of this. In this case, the second step is to understand what is the root cause that drives it.

I throw these things out merely as possibilities to start a train of thought and prayerful consideration if there is something beyond the attraction to fictional characters. Is there some phrase you keep repeating to yourself? For example, I've heard these from some people. "I can't trust anyone." "No one could ever love me." "I hate myself." "I'm a loser." (Actually, "you loser" was something I said to myself for the better part of a decade every time I looked in a mirror.) Sometimes we get some traumas and lies buried deep within us that affect how we think about ourselves and it spills out. The fix for these is God's healing. Anyway, I just throw this out as a possibility. There might be something God wants to free you of that's been keeping you bound inside for many years.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

I made an account specifically to ask this question, though if it goes well, I'm hoping to return to this site in the near future for further advice and such.
I'm too terrified to ask a pastor about this in real life. Truth be told, "Martha Joyce" isn't even my real name, and the same goes for my age. I wanted to get that off my chest before the guilt of it began to weigh me down.
Buckle up, fellow Christians. This is going to be a long and bumpy ride.
I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. There have been times when my faith has been confronted--and temporarily shaken--but for the most part, my struggles have only strengthened it.
But lately, I've begun to question everything.
I'm not gay. Never have been. And therefore, I am unaware of the struggles homosexuals face in their day-to-day lives. I always wondered why they were to so protective of their sexuality if it was "so obviously" just a temptation rather than a genetic predisposition.
But as of late, I feel I'm beginning to understand.
I currently have a boyfriend, and we've dated for quite a few years, now, and we've known each other since childhood. I truly feel like he's the one God has planned for me to marry. He's kind, compassionate, loving, understanding, and basically every other wonderful thing one could find in a partner. We're extremely compatible; we just... click. I've dated many guys in my time, but he is the only one I've ever been convinced that I truly love. It's gotten to the point where I would likely even die for him. He's my best friend, and probably the most trustworthy person I've encountered. We have open, healthy communication, we don't keep secrets, and he is willing to wait for as long as it takes for me to be comfortable with sex.
But there is a serious problem that I (irrationally) fear may destroy everything we've built together.
I am fictosexual.
I told him this recently, explaining what it was, and there was a long pause at the other end of the line. I could nearly feel him squirming in his chair, and the rest of our conversation was filled to the brim with tension--and not the positive kind.
He said that he loved me and would accept me for who I am, regardless, but I could tell it definitely bothered him.
Fictosexuality is the sexual attraction towards fictional characters.
(Not all characters, obviously; gay men aren't attracted to all men.)
Yes, I do feel the same type of attraction toward said boyfriend, but it's not nearly as strong, as the only reason I feel lust for him at all is because I've... trained myself, to put it lightly. And it worked. But it didn't mask the fiery passion for a selective few guys (and one girl) that I'd found in books, television shows (almost always cartoons), video games, and--more recently--podcasts.
And before anyone asks, NO, I was not sexually abused in any way as a child. In fact, I'm still a virgin.
I've been vaguely dissociated and immersed in fantasy for my entire life. My parents used to scream at each other and throw things in front of me when I was a baby/toddler/etc., so I would watch cartoons to escape, and I would begin to make up stories in my head with these characters, usually with them interacting with me directly and comforting me when I felt unsafe.
As to whether I was born with a natural feeling of closeness with fictional beings or if it was a result of aforementioned childhood trauma, I remain unsure. But I do know that my love for and eternal fascination with fictional worlds/people in general is deeply engrained into my identity as a whole. Considering I also suffer from MaDD (Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder), visualizing imaginary scenarios for fanfiction and the like is practically effortless, if not completely involuntary and subconsciously compulsive at this point.
I've spoken to my Christian therapist about my stronger bond with them than real people, but he's been relatively dismissive of it, as there are larger issues in my life that I honestly am not comfortable with providing details about at the moment that he is currently focusing on. (I've been waiting to "focus on" it for far too long.)
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that my feelings are inescapable, and never, in the entirety of my existence, have I felt attracted to anyone the way I am to these certain characters.
Said characters aren't flawless; in fact, the ones I'm attracted to are, in one way or another, criminals, and likely/canonically have attempted/committed murder. My boyfriend is the complete and total opposite, but I would choose him over any of them in a heartbeat. And yet...
Criminals in real life scare the absolute crap out of me. I could never imagine being five feet from one, much less in a relationship.
But there's something about the ones on the screen/audio/pages/etc. that intrigue me more than the most complex of human beings. They're all extremely dominant, jerky, and, frankly, sexy as hell. (Note: only one out of the bunch has ever been sexualized intentionally (and no, none of them are from anime) by the animators.) They're mysterious, intricate, and I'm ninety percent sure they can all be diagnosed with some kind of severe mental illness.
Did I ask for this? No. Do I enjoy it? Yes. Do I feel such an insane amount of guilt over something that I can't control that it's slowly ripping me apart from the inside out until my brain goes into the usual, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" loop and I have a panic attack? Most certainly.
As much as I hate to admit it, my faith is often the main cause of my anxiety disorder spiraling out of control.
My leftist friends tell me that if my religion is causing me so much psychological distress, I should just drop it and "open my mind" and that it's unhealthy to suppress my sexuality, and my buddies on the right tell me it's temptation and that I need to fight it for, apparently, the rest of my life.
I feel so torn and betrayed by my Creator.
Why would God do this to me? If I'm truly under demonic influence, then my entire sense of self must be jumbled and twisted and mangled and backwards and nothing about me has ever been real or pure. It's like I was destined to be scorched in a torturous inferno for infinity, and nothing good I've done or may do in the future will ever save me from it, despite my feelings having virtually zero effect on the outside world.
I've tried talking to Him about it. Numerous times. Since I discovered this aspect of myself in the eighth grade. Same with others' homosexuality. Same with the trans community.
And when I ask those controversial questions, I receive strangely warm, positive answers for a guy that threatened to smite people for thousands of years for eating shrimp. (No offense.) And so I'm left wondering if He really is talking back or if it's just my mind making things up so that I feel better about myself.
When I DO see wonderful things in the Bible, now, it feels like it only applies to ultra-strict conservative folk (I'm an independent libertarian) because they're the only ones that fit into the box that the Old Testament has carved, and everyone I thought He loved regardless is sliced from the picture, including me.
I used to be fully convinced that He was an unconditional, all-loving Father who would do anything for His creations. But based on what I've read and researched, it seems like the opposite.
Every night now, when I pray to God before I fall asleep, I wonder if he even listens or cares about me anymore. I feel like I've ruined everything He's been planning for me to be. I sometimes ponder if I was doomed from the start, and none of my efforts have mattered in the first place, and that even if I saved thousands of starving children, I would still be condemned to my flaming fate.
As I sit here in my office chair at 4 in the morning, nearly in tears now, I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I'm so confused and afraid.
Please, someone, anyone, get back to me as soon as possible.
Thank you in advance.

Hi there. Your writing style reveals your intelligence. And how you express yourself makes you seem hyper aware..yet you claim to be sexually attracted to ...fiction?
Right now I'm a tad bit confused..
My only advice to you is to ask a Chaplain. This site has one or two.
In the meantime pray.
Peace.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

Forgive me, but if this were a fake post, would I really go to all the trouble to type that ENTIRE page? It took me almost three hours, and that includes editing. I'm on this site because there is currently nowhere else for me to go. Please don't be one of the people who refuse to help me just because my issues seem less realistic than yours. I assure you, this is not a troll.

Martha Joyce, you are welcome here. CF is supposed to be a safe haven to discuss these kinds of things.

Personally, I give you a very warm welcome to CF.

May our Lord Jesus Christ be with you always.

Our Lord loves you more than you can ever imagine.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

Thanks for replying.
I know this is going to sound out of line for a Christian, but I honestly find it difficult to believe that all of His word is "tried, proven, tested, and true." From my experience, the majority of my beliefs are a result of faith, as I have been debating with people, including my own father, about the legitimacy of the Bible. I suppose the whole "if-you-do-a-thing-that-in-no-way-affects-anyone-else-but-I-want-to-micromanage-it-anyway-and-I-say-it's-bad-you-should-be-put-to-death-and-then-cast-into-a-boiling-lava-pit-forever" thing has sort of put me through a tailspin recently. I know this is an arrogant statement, but I feel this site is the best place to challenge my perception of God, the world, and overall reality against those who likely have more knowledge of this than I do. I guess some clarification or an opposing viewpoint would comfort me a bit, which you have provided, so thank you. But my questions still remain.

the Bible is God's love letter to humanity

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry you experienced abuse at the hands of your family. Childhood trauma leaves lingering scars, and it's hard to just "leave it behind". Things can resurface long after you think you got over them. Most people have to work through it in order to move forward because it can, and does, affect many facets of adult life even decades later. This involves acknowledging that you didn't receive the love you deserved, that you were mistreated by the very people who should have protected you, and that it was not, in any way, your fault.

It's very common for abusive and manipulative people to conveniently not remember what they did. Of course their view of things is different from yours. It sounds like it makes you feel invalidated, which is natural - but getting such people to admit what they did and genuinely apologize is usually unrealistic. The key is to realize that their behaviors say more about them than you and that you did NOT deserve that treatment. Being mistreated as a child is not a reflection on you.

Now, as an adult, you can grieve for your childhood and also realize that you are still a worthy person despite what happened to you. You are God's child, first and foremost. You survived, you've accomplished a lot, and you should be proud of yourself for that. Take a minute to let it sink in that you are resilient. Whatever issues you have with your sexuality, I think it's important for you to focus on healing from your past trauma, even though it feels scary and painful. I believe it will help you to be able to live more in the present, have more confidence, and cope in more healthy ways rather than dissociating.

I hope therapy helps you in this process, and I pray that your burden lessens.

 

[FreeinChrist]

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[JCFantasy23]

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[GirdYourLoins]

First of all I think this is all down to what you experienced as a youngster. Witnessing something like that at such a young age will affect how you view reality and it appears you have attached yourself to fictional characters. Probably a case of wanting someone strong (hence the bad characters) to love you and protect you. There can also be an element of being attracted to characters who reflect your fathers behaviour as well and to be honest if you have only done that in fictional characters and not real life that is a huge blessing for you. If you had done it in real life you would have had a number of broken relationships behind you and probably a life in the gutter.

So to move forward from this I think you need to recognise that it is a trait caused by what you witnessed as a child. You need to forgive your parents for being like this and not protecting you from it. You need to forgive yourself for being like this and letting it affect you. Once you have accepted what caused it and that it is a reaction to abuse (in that you were exposed to things you should have been protected from) you can start to move forward.

 

[aiki]

I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. There have been times when my faith has been confronted--and temporarily shaken--but for the most part, my struggles have only strengthened it.

Oh? Are you saying you were born Christian? I hope not. There's no such thing as a person who is born a disciple of Christ. Following Jesus is something one must choose to do. Have you? Are you a disciple, a follower, of Jesus?

We have open, healthy communication, we don't keep secrets, and he is willing to wait for as long as it takes for me to be comfortable with sex.

Isn't it rather unfair to expect him to wait 'til you feel comfortable with sex? Sex is a fundamental part of marriage. If you don't want to have sex, then you shouldn't lead him to believe you two will marry. The Bible calls it defrauding when a husband or wife withholds sex from the other (1 Cor. 7:5). How do you expect to be comfortable with sex if you don't actually have sex? And what is there to get comfortable with? It's sex! It's great fun!

Fictosexuality is the sexual attraction towards fictional characters.
(Not all characters, obviously; gay men aren't attracted to all men.)
Yes, I do feel the same type of attraction toward said boyfriend, but it's not nearly as strong, as the only reason I feel lust for him at all is because I've... trained myself, to put it lightly. And it worked. But it didn't mask the fiery passion for a selective few guys (and one girl) that I'd found in books, television shows (almost always cartoons), video games, and--more recently--podcasts.
And before anyone asks, NO, I was not sexually abused in any way as a child. In fact, I'm still a virgin.

Okay. Why have you allowed this sort of infatuation to go on unchecked? Does it not strike you as..well...unhealthy? It's clearly a contortion, a warping of the sort of feelings you ought to have for a real person. God made you to love another person, not a cartoon. I'm sure you know this, so why have you let your "fictosexuality" develop and continue?

I've been vaguely dissociated and immersed in fantasy for my entire life. My parents used to scream at each other and throw things in front of me when I was a baby/toddler/etc., so I would watch cartoons to escape, and I would begin to make up stories in my head with these characters, usually with them interacting with me directly and comforting me when I felt unsafe.

Uh huh. But you aren't a child anymore. Why won't you put away this childish way of thinking and coping?

As to whether I was born with a natural feeling of closeness with fictional beings or if it was a result of aforementioned childhood trauma, I remain unsure.

There is no such thing as a person born "fictosexual." Can you find one shred of hard evidence that establishes such a thing?

But I do know that my love for and eternal fascination with fictional worlds/people in general is deeply engrained into my identity as a whole.

This is true of all sin. Sin is in our DNA, it seems; we are all of us sinners by nature. And this is why it takes the power of God to free us from our sin and make us like Christ. When we are born-again by putting our trust in Christ as our Saviour and Lord, God makes us "new creatures in Christ" and the old sin-bound person we were is put to death (Ro. 6:1-18). The sinful impulses that used to control us no longer have the power to do so. Has this been your experience? Have you experienced the freedom from bondage to sin that is the birthright of every genuine child of God?

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that my feelings are inescapable, and never, in the entirety of my existence, have I felt attracted to anyone the way I am to these certain characters.

They are your feelings, so how could you escape them? You can change them, however. But this requires orienting your thinking under the truth of God's word, under His wisdom and spiritual principles and learning to live under the light and power of them. Will you?

Did I ask for this? No. Do I enjoy it? Yes. Do I feel such an insane amount of guilt over something that I can't control that it's slowly ripping me apart from the inside out until my brain goes into the usual, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" loop and I have a panic attack? Most certainly.

No one ever asked to be born with sinful impulses. But we can, in Christ, do something about being controlled by those impulses.

Guilt is the natural and appropriate response to living outside of God's will. Are you going to hell because you are outside of His will? Maybe. Maybe not. Are you saved? That's the deciding factor.

As much as I hate to admit it, my faith is often the main cause of my anxiety disorder spiraling out of control.

When we don't live in accord with God's will this is often the result - especially when we have some idea of what His will is.

My leftist friends tell me that if my religion is causing me so much psychological distress, I should just drop it and "open my mind" and that it's unhealthy to suppress my sexuality, and my buddies on the right tell me it's temptation and that I need to fight it for, apparently, the rest of my life.
I feel so torn and betrayed by my Creator.

Uh, what? Why is this your Creator's fault? How has He betrayed you? It seems to me the betrayal is all on your side.

Why shouldn't you feel guilty and uncomfortable when you are living in disobedience to His will? Why should you be able to carry on just as you like with impunity in His universe?

Why would God do this to me? If I'm truly under demonic influence, then my entire sense of self must be jumbled and twisted and mangled and backwards and nothing about me has ever been real or pure.

We all of us can come very easily under demonic influence. Satan's values, and ethics, and philosophies fill the world around us. What's more, we are all of us jumbled, twisted and mangled by sin. You're quite right, then: you've never been perfectly pure - no one except Jesus has. But this can change as you walk rightly with your Maker.

It's like I was destined to be scorched in a torturous inferno for infinity, and nothing good I've done or may do in the future will ever save me from it,

Nothing you can do, no, but what God has done for you through Christ can save you fully and eternally. Have you opened the door to your heart to Jesus? Have you let him in to rule and reign in your life? He's the narrow and sole way through which to escape the "torturous inferno" you fear.

I've tried talking to Him about it. Numerous times. Since I discovered this aspect of myself in the eighth grade. Same with others' homosexuality. Same with the trans community.
And when I ask those controversial questions, I receive strangely warm, positive answers for a guy that threatened to smite people for thousands of years for eating shrimp. (No offense.) And so I'm left wondering if He really is talking back or if it's just my mind making things up so that I feel better about myself.

Probably the latter. God is not a voice in your mind. If you want to know Him and His will for you, read the Bible. You'll never be uncertain as to who is speaking when you do.

When I DO see wonderful things in the Bible, now, it feels like it only applies to ultra-strict conservative folk (I'm an independent libertarian) because they're the only ones that fit into the box that the Old Testament has carved, and everyone I thought He loved regardless is sliced from the picture, including me.

What's the Old Testament got to do with New Testament Christians? The OT foreshadowed things to come, but it is not the context within which disciples of Christ are to live.

What does "ultra strict" look like to you? And what does independent libertarianism have to do with being a follower of Jesus?

I used to be fully convinced that He was an unconditional, all-loving Father who would do anything for His creations. But based on what I've read and researched, it seems like the opposite.

God has never been "unconditional." Where did you get that idea from? He has always hated sin and has promised to judge and punish all who live unrepentant in it. But He has also held out to us a way to escape that punishment and in so doing shows us His amazing love. He certainly didn't have to do so. We all of us deserved to go to straight to Hell. But because God is merciful, gracious and loving, He made a way at great cost to Himself to bring you into reconciliation and relationship with Himself. I don't, then, see this opposite sort of God you say you've discovered.

Every night now, when I pray to God before I fall asleep, I wonder if he even listens or cares about me anymore. I feel like I've ruined everything He's been planning for me to be.

Well, if you have ruined everything, it's no surprise to God. He has always known, even before there was a universe, who you would be and what you would do. Your sin is not a disappointment to Him; it is what He always knew you would do. So, God isn't in heaven, frustrated and upset that you don't have your act together.

God makes us a promise, though, about our sin: it will always, sooner or later, produce death. Not just eternal death in Hell, but death of joy, of peace, of fellowship with Him and others, of well-being, of contentment and so on. How much death must you taste before you turn from sin?

I sometimes ponder if I was doomed from the start, and none of my efforts have mattered in the first place, and that even if I saved thousands of starving children, I would still be condemned to my flaming fate.

You aren't fated for Hell. That's nonsense. You can choose to walk with God at any time. He's always waiting and willing to take you into His family and transform you. The question is: Do you really want Him? Do you want God in control, calling all the shots in your life as He, as God, must do?

Revelation 3:20
20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.

 

[Martha Joyce]

First of all I think this is all down to what you experienced as a youngster. Witnessing something like that at such a young age will affect how you view reality and it appears you have attached yourself to fictional characters. Probably a case of wanting someone strong (hence the bad characters) to love you and protect you. There can also be an element of being attracted to characters who reflect your fathers behaviour as well and to be honest if you have only done that in fictional characters and not real life that is a huge blessing for you. If you had done it in real life you would have had a number of broken relationships behind you and probably a life in the gutter.

So to move forward from this I think you need to recognise that it is a trait caused by what you witnessed as a child. You need to forgive your parents for being like this and not protecting you from it. You need to forgive yourself for being like this and letting it affect you. Once you have accepted what caused it and that it is a reaction to abuse (in that you were exposed to things you should have been protected from) you can start to move forward.

Makes sense. Thank you.

 

[mnorian]

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