Those who enjoy being single

[Hope_0004]

HipLove... I "kinda" know what you mean. I have a boyfriend now, so I've let my guard down... couldn't help it, he just slipped in at a weak moment.

Anyway, I still struggle with single v. committed v. heading toward marriage like... all the time. For awhile there my boyfriend was talking about getting married... in the abstract, but freaky, nonetheless. I totally got bashed in the Courting Couples area for not wanting to marry him.... insinuations that I was leading him on, that you shouldn't date someone you don't want to marry, etc... which wasn't the problem. The problem is, not sure I want to marry anyone... it's odd, and it's hard when you're going against the current.

My coping mechanism? Realizing that what others think has no effect on my relationship with my boyfriend, or with God, if I don't let it. I choose not to be married right now... I like to handle my finances alone, like to live alone, like to have my own time after work and volunteering and all of the other mess that I do... and I think I'd be a pathetic wife right now! Plus, it really does give me more time with God... not as much as if I dumped my boyfriend entirely... but I understand what you mean.

As far as leading them on... well, if you tell them upfront that you're not looking for a relationship, and you act accordingly, I don't think that you are. If these men that you meet are doing a "no means yes" thing in their devious heads, that's their deal. And honestly, if you hang out with young Christian men, you're going to find a trove of marriage hounds. No offense guys, because most women love it, but I went to a Christian college and every girl there dreamed of getting her MRS degree... and almost everyone with that in mind found a guy to marry. And that is great, if that's what you want.

The answer cannot be to only hang around with heavily tattoed commitment phobes, can it? :0

Anyway, just some random thoughts... hope you don't have to avoid all Christian men from age 25-40...

 

[Deliberatetourist]

I totally got bashed in the Courting Couples area for not wanting to marry him....

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been sliced and diced there. That place really takes the cake doesn't it? I rather snydely refer to it as the "confrontational couples" forum. A good cross section of the contibutors:

1. Neo feminazis who go Linda Blair on you if you even suggest that according to the Gospels that an imperfect man is worthy of their respect.

2. Spineless men who march to the drumbeat of the afforementioned and proclaim their fondness for women who have PMS 3 1/2 weeks out of every month and regularly withhold sex from their husbands for any and every reason.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

I actually just browsed over by the confrontationals forum and the place looks pretty dead and like it has been for a while (kind of like the 30's forum) except for the continual stupid post games threads. There must be a feminist convention or something going on.

 

[JPPT1974]

I love being single because of doing things
By myself and not worry about anybody else
As well as being independent and carefree!

 

[GustheMule]

Wow you guys are fabulous, got lotta awesome respones here. Okay you must be patience with me I'm still new and have not figured out to do multiple quotes in a reply. So I will hit you all one at a time.

2scoops- Amen Brother, the words you speak are very true.We don't know what the future holds. For all I know is God could do a 180 in my life and one day I could be married. But for right now I don't see it and I am enjoying all that God has given me. I think that we should all strive to live in God's will and live to our fullest potential in Him.

Jill45-Rofl, thank you. I saw that and wasn't quite sure if I was going to response or just ingore it. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was probably joking. And thank for your encouragment.

soonerteach- SOONER!!! Would that be as in the Oklahoma Sooners? Boomer Sooner!!! LOL, okay now down to business. You now officially in my best friend club as well. You so totally get it. You know I used that busy excuse more than once. Especially when I was going to school full time and working full time. You know it was so easy. It's like,"Well let's see I go to school Mon-Thur 9am-1pm and I go to work Sun-Wed 3pm-11pm, sorry I just don't have any time to date." You know saying that your too busy sounds a lot nicer than saying, "I don't want to date anyone." It's doesn't come off sounding personal, ya know? And please do not worry about the spelling, I'm a paralegal and let's just say that spelling isn't my fortay. And hey at least you know math, that is one subject that I hated and it frustrated me to no end.

GustheMule- You know out of all this wonderful replies, yours is the one that I may have to consider the most. The problem is, is that it is a problem, that make sense? It's bad for both parties me and the guy. Maybe it's something I need to change. The thing is I have a lot of my mom's personality. Throughout HS she had maybe two close female friends and the rest were guys. And alot of them wanted to date her. She just one of those cool people that everyone likes. She did though end up married to my dad, RIP. And it's funny you said the monastry. When I broke up w/ my ex we were still friends for a very long time. And he could not understand that I had no desire to date anyone. And he had made a comment about maybe I should become a nun, lol. Sorry, that's not a option, but it was always a joke between us. As far as being friends with an mature married man, that's a no-no and a recipe for disaster, I would rather be friends with the wife. And the chemsitry thing, ya know, there really is no way around it. Either there is chemistry or not. Sure I have male friends who I think are hot, and maybe without my realize it I'm giving off non-verbal clues. But just b/c I find someone attractive doesn't mean I'm attracted to them. And it still doesn't change my mind about dating. But I understand how that could cause confusion. But alas, what is one to do,*sigh*. I'm probably going to have to limit my contact with males, I don't like it. I love men, there is no drama and their all about having fun, plus they give good advice. And what's funny is all my close female friends are like me always got along with males more as well.

becca- Hey my little sister in Christ! You know for 16 you really have a good head on your shoulders. It takes maturity to realize one is not ready to date. I wish I was that smart at 16, lol. You are doing very good, keep your eyes on the Lord he'll never led you astray.

God Bless You All, You Guys Rock!!!

YEah, as far as the married men goes, I didn't mean make friends with them individually but you can make friends with their whole family. All I'm saying is that there are alot of people out there that aren't looking for a date. But single young guys aren't the first group that come to mind! And no matter how much you tell us otherwise, if we have a crush on you and we remain friends, we'll always think we've got a chance.

Or you could come to Christain forums and make friends with anybody. It's not exactly the same but maybe for the best.

Sorry about your dad.

(1 John 1:7)

 

[intricatic]

Hey, I'm a young guy and I'm not looking for a date. I am looking for marriage in the future, but the way I operate is totally different than the whole "dating" thing.

 

[Hope_0004]

Hope everything's going okay... maybe HipLove's dodging one of the marriage-minded right now.

 

[GQ Chris]

I actually just browsed over by the confrontationals forum and the place looks pretty dead and like it has been for a while (kind of like the 30's forum) except for the continual stupid post games threads. There must be a feminist convention or something going on.

hahaha cracks me up dude

 

[GQ Chris]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been sliced and diced there. That place really takes the cake doesn't it? I rather snydely refer to it as the "confrontational couples" forum. A good cross section of the contibutors:

1. Neo feminazis who go Linda Blair on you if you even suggest that according to the Gospels that an imperfect man is worthy of their respect.

2. Spineless men who march to the drumbeat of the afforementioned and proclaim their fondness for women who have PMS 3 1/2 weeks out of every month and regularly withhold sex from their husbands for any and every reason.

hahaha, I believe this is where they coined the term "mangina" LMAO

 

[OhhJim]

Are you kidding? This is not a dating site, she wants to be single, and your how old? I hope that was a joke.

Even with the smiley face, and the tongue sticking out, you still don't know if I was joking? How can I make it clear in the future, that I am joking? Five smiley faces? 5 hundred? A disclaimer? A PM?

 

[jill45]

Ok, I'm sorry, I was having a bad day.