I already messaged you some of my thoughts, but after reading what you've said on this topic I thought I'd share my experience and my thoughts in a little more detail.
In our relationship, I was actually the first one to say it. We'd been dating about three months when I realized that I loved him. The way I knew was because there was something he did that really bothered me...some of his weaknesses manifested themselves...and yet I realized that my care for him remained just as strong even when he was getting on my nerves. I also found that every so often when I was with him, I would have to try *not* to say it. It just kept trying to pop out, and I'd stop myself right before I said it.
One night he came over, and we went on a long walk. One of his college friends had just been in a car wreck and had died, leaving behind a husband and a three-month old baby. As we walked, he talked about it with me, and cried, and because of that emotional connection, "I love you" popped out when we were saying goodnight. He said, "Really?" I was kind of surprised, and said yes, and while he didn't return the sentiment at that point, he assured me that he was fine with the fact that I'd said it.
Funny side note: Looking back later, I was reminded of that episode of That 70's Show and I felt like that was almost what happened to us:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXKOZegEVqA
Anyway, it took him two more months before he finally said it to me. He hinted around a little bit before he said it, and there were a couple times not long before he did that I indicated that I knew he loved me even though he hadn't said it. I wasn't insecure at all that he hadn't said it, and I was actually fine knowing that he had heard it from me first, although I didn't continue to say it until he said it for the first time. My boyfriend is very honest and sincere, and I knew that the reason he wouldn't say it was because he wanted to make sure he totally meant it first. I appreciated that, and it made it so much more amazing when I heard it for the first time. There were a few days after that where we were still trying to get past some awkwardness of figuring out when to say it and how often, and at the end of the night, if he hadn't said it, I'd just look at him and go, "Aaaaaaand you love me." And he would laugh and say, "And I love you," and I would tell him I loved him, too. It only took a couple days before it was natural to say it whenever we felt it.
I do agree with Morning~Glory that you should wait until you are totally ready and know that you mean it. [Edit to remove next sentence]
Absolutely. Open and honest communication is not only wise, it is highly respected by women
But, understand that by bringing it up for conversation, you will peek her interest. There's no way of getting around that. A person who brings up the subject of love, obviously has it on his mind in a positive sense.
I agree with this VERY much, and for this reason I would personally hesitate in asking her about it if I were you. But I don't know. Talking about it could be good. If you do decide to talk about it first, though, just make sure you think you'll be ready to follow up with an "I love you" fairly soon, because chances are, it's going to make her hungry to hear it.
Also, you can always go from a quick and friendly "Love ya" when hanging up the phone to ending up with a meaningful and sincere "I love you" sometime later. As crazy as it is, there really is quite a bit of difference when said in those different ways.
The answer will only come from within you. That might sound cheesy but... it's accurate. Each person must discern love for him or herself.
That sort of defeats the purpose. This is something that is deeply personal and individual for everyone.
