Thorn in my side

[Lady Bug]

My cousin (from dad's side) lives near my brother and invited the latter to his house for dinner (not sure the exact day this will be happening). I have a "good" excuse not to go (being that I feel that I can't go there and return in a single day - and the cousin's family wants me to stay there for days - yeah right - heck I feel cooped up in my OWN house, what would I feel in someone else's?). However, if I keep giving this excuse, they will use that excuse as a means of saying "Well then, we're coming to you" and I have no desire to deal with them. His sister seems to be a very conservative Muslim as well and has texted me from time to time asking to visit his house and I have given her the same excuse as well.

I don't like that the cousin lives in the same state as me. I wish none of my dad's relatives lived in the same state. The cousin's sister doesn't live in the same state, but I'm still on the hook of "having" to see her once a year (at least) or two years. She's the same one that tried to come to the house on Good Friday of this year. Another one of her (hence mine) cousins tried to come on Christmas Day a couple years ago. My dad made some excuse as to why she "couldn't" come but I don't remember what the excuse was.

I do feel like I'm languishing without relatives but when I say relatives I'm not meaning my dad's relatives. I want to stay away from those ones but they are a lingering shadow over me as long as the cousin lives in my state and his sister comes to visit him every now and then. I'm not getting a good feeling that these people will "allow" me to have my freedom. The nicest way to put it is that they need to F off

 

[Michie]

My cousin (from dad's side) lives near my brother and invited the latter to his house for dinner (not sure the exact day this will be happening). I have a "good" excuse not to go (being that I feel that I can't go there and return in a single day - and the cousin's family wants me to stay there for days - yeah right - heck I feel cooped up in my OWN house, what would I feel in someone else's?). However, if I keep giving this excuse, they will use that excuse as a means of saying "Well then, we're coming to you" and I have no desire to deal with them. His sister seems to be a very conservative Muslim as well and has texted me from time to time asking to visit his house and I have given her the same excuse as well.

I don't like that the cousin lives in the same state as me. I wish none of my dad's relatives lived in the same state. The cousin's sister doesn't live in the same state, but I'm still on the hook of "having" to see her once a year (at least) or two years. She's the same one that tried to come to the house on Good Friday of this year. Another one of her (hence mine) cousins tried to come on Christmas Day a couple years ago. My dad made some excuse as to why she "couldn't" come but I don't remember what the excuse was.

I do feel like I'm languishing without relatives but when I say relatives I'm not meaning my dad's relatives. I want to stay away from those ones but they are a lingering shadow over me as long as the cousin lives in my state and his sister comes to visit him every now and then. I'm not getting a good feeling that these people will "allow" me to have my freedom. The nicest way to put it is that they need to F off

You just need to keep saying no. If they ask why, you can simply say you have nothing in common with them and you have anxiety in those situations. They cannot take your freedom LB. You are an adult. If you feel threatened or harassed, see about a restraining order.

 

[Lady Bug]

You just need to keep saying no. If they ask why, you can simply say you have nothing in common with them and you have anxiety in those situations. They cannot take your freedom LB. You are an adult. If you feel threatened or harassed, see about a restraining order.

I don't feel threatened/harassed (not yet) but it's unwanted, nonetheless. I wish I could find the phone numbers of the actual relatives I want to call.

 

[RileyG]

Tell them you cannot make it. You don't need to give a reason. Your mental health and well being matters.

Blessings!

 

[Lady Bug]

I dread the day any one of them (the ones in the OP) asks to come over.

I bumped this because I was on the phone with my brother and he said something about "in case Pakistanis come over" and I'm like - I don't want them coming over...

 

[Lady Bug]

Sorry if bumping this thread seems pointless to anyone but I'd rather bump it than start a new one on the exact same thing. The same male cousin (calling him MC and I'll call the female cousin FC) invited my brother to dinner this Saturday night and I can sort of get out of it because I live 2 hours away. My brother is going, but he lied and told the MC that I'm out of town. The thing is, that doesn't look like a great excuse because the MC is clever enough to ask such a thing like, "If she is too tired to come here, how is it that she's out of town?"

As much as I wish I had relatives, I feel like this is an eventual threat to my freedom, and especially the FC, who lives in the southeast part of the US. If you saw how she looked like and how she's dressed, you would know why I can't stand to communicate with her or even look at her. I mean, as long as my brother only, goes to the house, and I don't have to be dragged along, that may be ok for the time being, but the whole thing can be turned around where the MC and/or FC will say that they're coming over and I'll feel obligated to open the door. Another cousin wanted to come on Christmas Day last year or the year before, which I felt suspicious because Muslims are extremely against Christmas.

 

[Michie]

You are just going to have to stand your ground. If they can’t get the hint then you are just going to have to let them know you are not interested.