This might be a controversal question, but I'm asking it anyway.

[Glamgoddess]

Ok, I've read quite a few threads in this forum, and heard around places, that there are christians who have sex. Where are they?

I know it happens.

So....

Do they ever admit it to anyone, or do they keep it to themselves??

I'm referring, of course, to non-married christians.

I'll be the first to state it, that yes, I have had sex. While I was/am (?) a christian.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I was having sex, quite regularly, yet never told my family or 'church' friends - it became addictive, would say we'd stop, but never did.

I talked about it with a close non-christian friend of mine a couple of times just after we had sex, to talk about stuff like protection and attitudes afterwards, as that is rarely discussed in Christian communities.

I have told most of my Christian friends that I'm not a virgin - it's not something I'm proud of, but I really don't care how it affects their opinion of me - it might just sort out my true friends from those who only like me for my 'reputation' - surprisingly, I've still got a really good opinion and still known as a good counsellor and person to hang around with! I was surprised at how well my reputation stayed intact - both for girls, guys and their parents...

Sasch

 

[hischildsindik]

It is to my regret and shame, but to God's grace, mercy and forgiveness, that I state that I have had sex as a Christian. I was born-again in college, when I had to leave for reasons beyond my control, I shortly there after fell into a relationship with a guy I knew, he swept me away, and we were engaged, I gave him my virginity. We were never married. I've since then in the 12 years since, have fallen. And although now I hold my resolve stronger than I ever did, I fight harder than I ever did to maintain the standard of purity I now wish to have.

I can not start over with my virginity inact, but I can draw the line of sexual purity as God designed it, saving what is meant for marriage for marriage. I believe God will honour that for me and those who decide to start out anew in Him. A few of my friends know I am not a virgin, and as hard as it was to admit, most have loved me still and not changed their interaction with me. I think a lot of that is a testimony to their walk, and a testimony to who they see me... my walk AND my talk.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Unfortunatly I didnt remain pure. I lost my virginity before I became a christian, and much like hischick said, I feel into a relationship, with a guy who calimed to be a christian but wasnt at all, and eventually we had sex. It was hard because him and I had great sexual chemisty, but unfortunatly that was all we had. We had sex regularly... well I shouldnt say that, we only actually had intercourse a few times, but we fooled around alot sexually... I dont think I need to go into details there.

I wish so greatly that I had of saved my virginity for my husband, someone how would cherish it, but I cant change that. I will be honest, I struggle with that alot, and it scares me for future relationships (I havent been in one since Scott...) that I will fall again. I pray that I dont and I know God will help me. But its hard. Being human, I will want to have sex, but I want to live a life thats pleasiing to God, and thats more important.

Anyways if you have any questions feel free to PM me

 

[horuhe00]

Well, I haven't had sex, but I have fooled around. And, I'm sure it's not as bad as the others who have spoken before me, but I wish so much that I could change that part of me. One thing for sure, I'm not doing it again until I'm married. And for those still thinking of doing stuff like that, DON'T.

 

[Warrior Poet]

From a long time offender its simply prepetual until you fill that area with something of worth.... time will tell that the worth sex has is more then most can grasp and the grasping of this worth is a cost most end up not being able to handle. Its hard to stop once you stop.... I couldn't tell you the number of girls i have slept with, the guilt that didnt come with it was nothing short of a luxury at the time. Its toll however has been taken. Its has in one way or another become emotionally damaging. Something that I do and will say I genuinly fear. Its not as if all my past parteners didnt mean anything, as today I could probably pinpoint their effect in my life, its that i didnt realize how much they ment. There were nights where I was too drunk to remeber the events that took place, and some nights where waking up with your arm around someone was embarrassing. Premaritial sex pre or post your personal "christian" era will leave nics in your character and if not dealt with will start to take chunks from you emotional well being. The implications from the aftermath cant be wieghed the emotional attachment cant be planned for, the presiding guilt will not be warranted, and the disrespect that you are showing yourself and this person you should very well care about cant be brushed off.
But you can still be forgiven...... You still The Man.

Warrior Poet

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Well said Warrior - I was trying to say that in another thread, but couldn't say it half as well as you just did.

for you!

Sasch

 

[Living4Him03]

I haven't had intercourse before, but having done everything else, I don't really think it would be fair to call myself a virgin in the true sense of the word. I've fooled around with all but two of the guys I have ever dated. Some of those times were on only a second or third date. This is something I'm ashamed to admit because looking back I just don't see what I was possibly thinking. Obviously, I was not thinking. I became at Christian when I was eight years old, so I was a Christian when all this occurred. I still struggle with purity. As the others have said it's addictive and hard to stop. It is also emotionally damaging. I still think about some of the times I fooled around ...I am constantly reminded of God's grace and mercy with me even though I messed up so badly. I wish I could take it all back. I wish no guy had ever even touched me (well, excluding hugs). It has taken awhile for me to heal from those broken relationships that were only made worse by the fooling around aspect. It's difficult to resist fooling around when you are so crazy about someone and have done so before, but it's so worth it when you resist the temptation and honor one another and God by not doing that kind of stuff and focusing on the non-physical.

 

[Glamgoddess]

Wow..

So, I have to ask further more, what made you want to go the extra step at the time, and have sex??

I'll admit now, that as far as my relationship with God is concerned, it's not really that strong at all. It'as almost non-exsistent

At the moment, I've been having sex (on and off) for the past 4 months with a man I was dating a few months ago..we still sleep together sometimes. I lost my virginity to him a month ago, and he said he feels really privilaged and it's a bit scary to him to be my first, but is really happy it's him. He's not a christian by the way. There is a lot more to him and I sleeping together, but I won't go into it now.

Currently, I'm not in a christian mode, I guess you might say. I'm not looking for people to tell me to give it up, and repent and pray a lot..because I'm dealing with things myself. I right now, don't even feel any guilt at all for sleeping with this man. I do a lot of things that no self respercting christian would do. You'd never think I'm a christian at all. The thing is, I don't care right now...

No one knows I do these things but me. I would never tell my family, or let them find out about it. My whole family is good solid christians, but I feel like I've been guided into being one, and I had no real choice. So...I dunno if I'm really a christian or not, but I became one when I was four.

I started this thread to find out how the people who've had sex while they were a christian were thinking when they did it.

 

[KristianJ]

I applaud every one of you for having the courage to share this stuff with us. Even though I've never had sex before, I can't say I'm innocent of having impure and ungodly thoughts, and I know that because of this I can't claim that your actions are worse than mine. I have pledged to God and to my future wife that I will save myself for my wedding night, but I know that on my own steam it will be very hard to keep that promise. I'm sure you've all received the forgiveness that God offers, and that your partners won't see your previous "transgressions", but the men and women of God that He has moulded you into.

 

[Fatolia]

Glamgodess, if I may ask you a question?

Although you do not feel guilty, does it concern you at all about how this may affect your future marriage if either you or your b/f break up?
There's a lot of research that shows that married couples have sexual and relational problems because of baggage dragged over from previous relationships.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Whilst I was doing it, I was just thinking that we were getting married anyway, and how good it was, and that if I didn't, we'd probably break up...

It's true - past relationships (whether sexual or not) do affect you later on in your future relationships - attitudes you learn then (how to respond) carry on to future relationships - often to the chagrain of your new boyfriend!

The fact is, you have to have dealt with your past mistakes and relationship behaviours BEFORE you get involved again. If you don't, you'll find yourself making the same mistakes again and again.

It's true that sometimes something will crop up when you're in your new relationship that reminds you of the old person. But you have to let that go. You're not in that situation any more.

Most new relationships get stunted because people spend too much time focussing on old mistakes, and not getting over them and working throught the issues BEFORE they start dating again.

Most of my friends who have slept with someone before they met their now-husbands, had dealt with the issues from that BEFORE they got engaged. Sometimes it cropped up in the marriage, but they'd all ready started groundwork so it wasn't so much grief to deal with it during that stage. That's the only advice I can give here. Be aware of what caused your old relationship to break up, how each others attitudes formed your dating ones, and get yourself sorted out BEFORE starting a new relationship.

Sasch

 

[jazzbird]

Wow..

So, I have to ask further more, what made you want to go the extra step at the time, and have sex??

I'll admit now, that as far as my relationship with God is concerned, it's not really that strong at all. It'as almost non-exsistent

At the moment, I've been having sex (on and off) for the past 4 months with a man I was dating a few months ago..we still sleep together sometimes. I lost my virginity to him a month ago, and he said he feels really privilaged and it's a bit scary to him to be my first, but is really happy it's him. He's not a christian by the way. There is a lot more to him and I sleeping together, but I won't go into it now.

Currently, I'm not in a christian mode, I guess you might say. I'm not looking for people to tell me to give it up, and repent and pray a lot..because I'm dealing with things myself. I right now, don't even feel any guilt at all for sleeping with this man. I do a lot of things that no self respercting christian would do. You'd never think I'm a christian at all. The thing is, I don't care right now...

No one knows I do these things but me. I would never tell my family, or let them find out about it. My whole family is good solid christians, but I feel like I've been guided into being one, and I had no real choice. So...I dunno if I'm really a christian or not, but I became one when I was four.

I started this thread to find out how the people who've had sex while they were a christian were thinking when they did it.

Glam, your post sounds almost like something I would have written about four years ago. I too grew up in a Christian home. I always tried hard to be a really good girl. Shortly after adulthood hit, I fell away and started doing my own thing with little regard for God, but it was a secret rebellion - by that I mean that my parents did not know. Anyway....by the time I got into a sexual relationship, I barely felt guilt about it because I had pushed God so far from the place He should have held in my life. This whole time I would wonder about the state of my salvation. I'm not one to believe we can lose it, but doing the things I was doing, I didn't understand how I could be saved. I came to realize that it was something that perhaps I never did accept for myself. I was just expected to be and act like a Christian growing up, because my family was. It wasn't until I was 23 that I really became broken. The things I was doing took a such a toll on my spirit. When I looked at myself, I was scared at the way I had abused God's gift of life to me. God used my brokeness and fear and pain to draw me to Himself. I'm not saying it was an instantaneous change, but until that point, I had never truly understood the meaning of God's grace. The fact that he still loved me despite the things I had done blew me away. He continued to relentlessly, yet quietly, pursue me until my heart was soft enough to hear His voice.

 

[tndrwarrior]

I am a virgin, that being said sexual purity is a constant struggle for me. When I'm at bible study or hanging around with my christian buddies, I have excellent examples of what a strong christian woman should be and don't find it as difficult to stay pure. It's when I am away from my christian influences that I stray more easily. When I feel like my mind is wandering in places it shouldn't be, I think of the kind of man my female christian friends deserve to have as a husband and check if I'm living up to that model. I don't know just throwing some personal experience out there.

 

[tndrwarrior]

Oh and here's a cool story from highschool. I went to an all Catholic boys school, and in one of my religion classes the teacher asked how many of us wanted to marry a virgin. The entire class raised their hand of course. Then the teacher asked how many wanted to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage and a handful of the class raised their hands. Then my teacher asked, "where will we get all our virgins from?"

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Thats a really great point.
Even non christians, alot of them want to marry a virgin. I know alot of my non christian friends want to marry a good "clean" virgin girl. But what always baffled my mind, was how they could go out and sleep with all the women they wanted, but expected their future wife to be a virgin.
Good point-where will they get their virgins... Im gonna remember that one

 

[startingover]

I fell away from Christianity around age 12 after being molested by 3 men. I lost my virginity at age 14 and was pretty promiscuous for several years. I had a sexual addiction. Being gang-raped didn't stop me, nor did the idea of pregnancy or STDs. I still struggle with it. Once I got married, I delved into being a great wife and eventually mother. But my ex-husband was still sexually immoral, wanting me to be sexy for his friends and begging me to go to strip clubs and look at porn with him. Now, that I am almost single, I worry that I won't be able to be strong. Those choices I made as a new teenager affect me to this day.

 

[plum]

blue: that last paragraph is coming as if from my head also.

i lost my virginity before marriage as well. i am now reaping the aftermath of my actions. i knew i shouldn't be having sex (i was a Christian and talked a good talk) but I did anyway. lots of reasons, but honestly the reasons don't matter because I did it anyway. I'll be honest- i never felt guilty once and you can't count on FEELING guilty being the identifier of sin. I regret it, yes... and have the head knowledge that all my sexual escapades were sinful... but i didn't FEEL guilty. I felt bad that if someone found out that i'd be embarrassed or my image would be scarred...
so basically, don't ever go on feeling. Go on what you KNOW. if this is something you feel like hiding, something you don't want to share or reveal... maybe it's not something you want to DO in the long run either.
Always try to live the life that you're not ashamed to shout about.
Your honesty and candid story is a blessing to all of us. Thank you for sharing, hon. You deserve the very best of things. And I know you can have them.

 

[MagicStar723]

This thread has given me some major insight. My bf and I have had sex, a huge mistake but we cannot change that. We are currently trying to stop (easier now since we are a LDR now!) and it is hard. We want to work toward purity and remain that way until we are married. It is hard and we would appreciate ya'll prayers, I am definately praying for all of you!

 

[E-beth]

I have had premarital sex with someone I was engaged to.

I have had premarital sex (while a rebellious Christian) with someone I barely knew.

I have has sex with my husband.

Sex isn't really good until you aer married. There is something so feeeing and comforting about being able to enjoy it GUILT FREE. God made sex for enjoyment within marriage. And when we are obedient and within His plan, He blesses the act.

Remember when you make decisions about sexual intimacy that God is watching the whole thing. So it isn't really a secret. And He sees an unrepentant heart, and He will deal with it.

I am not trying to judge anyone. I have been there and I know how easy it is to disobey when it feels good. But having been through it, I look back on what I thought at the time was a great relationship and was fun and exciting, but in reality I felt like a bad kid who was defying my parents and that kept me from being really satisfied with my life.