Here's the back story.....my divorce was filed in June -- it became final on August 20th. I have been married for 14 years. I have one son -- he's 8. I have always been the breadwinner and have moved a lot for my career. My ex is a photographer and he's always moved with me....as I have always gotten HIM a job. I've told my employers that it was a "team hire"....as I'm in TV.
But, my ex always made about a quarter of my salary. It's been a problem.... and when we moved back to current city over a year ago....he chose to "work from home" and be a stay at home Dad.
He also went through a 6 month stretch in our previous city ... not working and buying up a lot of furniture etc. We went broke. All the credit cards were in my name at that time...and I carried everything.
We nearly divorced then -- because he concocted a scheme...where he wanted me to divorce him...."file bankruptcy alone" to fool the courts and creditors and then we'd get back together. (That was his plan - so we didn't wreck his credit and we could eliminate debt).
Well, I was stupid enough to file bankruptcy alone -- but I got a guilty conscience and had it voluntarily dismissed. My ex was livid -- could not believe I didn't go through with it.
After moving to current state, of course, the debt continued. His credit was perfect but mine was awful -- we had to put house and car leases in his name -- because I couldn't qualify. He said "just do what you have to do..."
So, finally -- he begged me about 7 months ago to just file bankruptcy again in current state. Said he would find an apartment near the house -- and would "play the game of divorce for the courts" and wanted me to file bankruptcy once and for all.
I went down to the clerk's office - filed the forms for divorce in June and got everything in motion. I told him I would just split everything 50/50 and while I would have "home parent" on the forms -- we'd reduce child support to 200.00 a month and he could continue to have our son during the week etc.... he told me "great...just make it happen." I have text messages where he's giving me his DL number -- since I'm filling out the forms for him and he instructs me to just "fill in any info for me..."
Well, about 3 weeks after this ...we got into a huge fight where he became violent at me again -- and I looked him in the eyes and said -- that's it -- THIS divorce is REAL. I am not going to live like this.
He walked away from me -- in anger. But, didn't bring it up again. At that point -- I hired attorney to look over my final decree to make sure that I wasn't doing anything that could cause me problems after it was made final. He added some language about my ex getting reduced child support because of his willingness to take our son more often than demanded. But, other than that -- we were good to go.
My ex had the decree laying on the counter (we were still living in the same lease house) ....and had every opportunity to take it to an attorney. But, he did not.
Well, in August -- it was made final. He started making child support payments through the state -- we got the house leased out early -- and we were living in separate residences. He even agreed to help me get the lease for my apartment downtown because I clearly could never get approved on my own....
Despite the finality -- he said that he wanted me back. He begged -- pleaded -- said that he'd do ANYTHING. (he thought I filed bankruptcy -- which I did NOT do).
He started becoming obsessive. I told him -- no -- I'm not coming back. That I loved him and cared for him -- but that I couldn't live like this anymore. He was a good dad....(at that time) and we just continued to have a cordial relationship....friendly. (Of course, because I was still paying ALL his bills)
That was until he found out that I was dating another guy after the divorce.... he freaked out. He started threatening him...he broke into my phone/emails/computer -- he told me that he wanted to "ruin me..."
He told my 8 year old (while I was on speaker phone) that Mommy's "friend" was actually her boyfriend (which I would have NEVER disclosed) and that Mommy was a liar and was leaving Daddy and him because she didn't love them anymore. "Mommy even cut off Daddy's healthcare and she won't pay me any money to live anymore...."
He tried to do even further public damage- he said he contacted the city newspaper -- and wanted to report that I had done some consulting work on the side for HIS video business (not supposed to do that as a TV anchor). (I did it to help him build a "home business"..)
He even informed me that he was going to report that I committed fraud for taking apartment lease in his name (my name is on it, too)...and said I could never prove that he agreed to helping me (the lease application was all online - not in person).
He also told a huge group of our old colleagues from TV -- that I was a harlot -- that I filed divorce on him and never told him -- and that he had NO idea I ever filed divorce in the first place.
That started getting around and I panicked -- I thought I was going to get fired. I met with ex at the lease house on Sept. 22nd and told him that this had to stop. When I initially walked in the door -- he tried to rip my pants off -- saying he wanted to make sure I wasn't wearing a wire. He grabbed me (in that area) and I had to push him away.
He eventually calmed down -- I tried to explain to him how HORRIBLE he's been to me....and how unfair it was that he would claim that "I" committed fraud and adultery -- when "I" was the one who couldn't go through with his little games.... I had even filed 2 police reports for harassment against him....I have the case number ...as evidence.
He apologized and even agreed to sign a document (drafted by attorney) that stated he did not accuse me of forgery, fraud or adultery etc etc. He said he would sign that ...in case my HR department at work ever started sniffing around.
So -- we became much more amicable (once again).... we continued to live in separate places -- he stayed with my son most nights during the week -- and I would stop to see him on my dinner breaks and take him to school in the am.
All this continued until about 3 weeks ago -- when I stopped paying his rent -- and his bills. He freaked out again and hired an attorney. They wanted to seek a Temporary restraining order
because they didn't want to me to move out of city....the decree states that I get to choose geographical locations.
I have gotten 2 job opportunities in the last couple of weeks in city 2 hours away....they are "day jobs" and they would allow me to be home in the evening with our son. I told ex I wanted to move there -- (we used to live there for 4 years) and offered to help him get his old job back...where he would make around 85k a year. He obviously chose NOT to do that and lawyered up -- instead. He says he wants FULL custody -- whether i'm in current city (because of my night time TV hours) or elsewhere and child support.
He threatened to put all of the above allegations about me being fraudulent etc etc in the affidavit for the TRO. I told attorney -- why don't we just voluntarily give him the TRO? I had NO intentions of leaving the city within 14 days and I would NEVER take my son without ex's knowledge -- no matter what.
But, here I am now -- fighting for custody, for my reputation and my sanity. My bosses here in this city won't give me a day schedule (I asked and they told me they'd let me go...if I couldn't fulfill the duties of my contract).
Now, I have a PR job 2 hours away -- and I'm ready to move around first of the year -- was going to take December off to get my son ready and acclimated and then this hits....
My ex is also doing further damage with these "fraud" claims -- (even though I was still paying ALL of his bills)....
He called a local beauty salon that had his card on file from many months ago...and told them that all charges made were "fraud" and that I was using his card fraudulently..... which is NOT the case.
He said that the car HE CURRENTLY drives and purchased 2 years ago...(while I was going through the bankruptcy) was also "fraud"...he said that "he didn't sign the loan documents which were fed-ex'd to him".... and wants me to pay for that "crime". He test drove the car -- and has been paying the car payment for TWO years on that car -- and he now says "I" obtained it fraudulently?!?
I guess here's what I want to know. First, what would you do if you were me? Would you leave and take the new job 2 hours away and lose custody temporarily -- and ask for custody in 6 months when I have proof of my stability? Or stay in town and lose custody -- because of my night TV hours...and pay child support here....with no chance of change in hours.
I am a very hard worker and I have been stupid...with my ex husband...
I allowed him to run me into the ground.... and now he has told everyone we worked with and know that I'm a harlot etc etc etc.
A couple of other facts -- My ex had a CPS report and had to undergo anger management classes for kicking our son in the rib cage several years ago. In addition, he's been treated for a porn addiction -- and told me a few years ago that he developed his addiction (that I discovered) because he was raped by a black man when he was **26** years old....
But, my ex always made about a quarter of my salary. It's been a problem.... and when we moved back to current city over a year ago....he chose to "work from home" and be a stay at home Dad.
He also went through a 6 month stretch in our previous city ... not working and buying up a lot of furniture etc. We went broke. All the credit cards were in my name at that time...and I carried everything.
We nearly divorced then -- because he concocted a scheme...where he wanted me to divorce him...."file bankruptcy alone" to fool the courts and creditors and then we'd get back together. (That was his plan - so we didn't wreck his credit and we could eliminate debt).
Well, I was stupid enough to file bankruptcy alone -- but I got a guilty conscience and had it voluntarily dismissed. My ex was livid -- could not believe I didn't go through with it.
After moving to current state, of course, the debt continued. His credit was perfect but mine was awful -- we had to put house and car leases in his name -- because I couldn't qualify. He said "just do what you have to do..."
So, finally -- he begged me about 7 months ago to just file bankruptcy again in current state. Said he would find an apartment near the house -- and would "play the game of divorce for the courts" and wanted me to file bankruptcy once and for all.
I went down to the clerk's office - filed the forms for divorce in June and got everything in motion. I told him I would just split everything 50/50 and while I would have "home parent" on the forms -- we'd reduce child support to 200.00 a month and he could continue to have our son during the week etc.... he told me "great...just make it happen." I have text messages where he's giving me his DL number -- since I'm filling out the forms for him and he instructs me to just "fill in any info for me..."
Well, about 3 weeks after this ...we got into a huge fight where he became violent at me again -- and I looked him in the eyes and said -- that's it -- THIS divorce is REAL. I am not going to live like this.
He walked away from me -- in anger. But, didn't bring it up again. At that point -- I hired attorney to look over my final decree to make sure that I wasn't doing anything that could cause me problems after it was made final. He added some language about my ex getting reduced child support because of his willingness to take our son more often than demanded. But, other than that -- we were good to go.
My ex had the decree laying on the counter (we were still living in the same lease house) ....and had every opportunity to take it to an attorney. But, he did not.
Well, in August -- it was made final. He started making child support payments through the state -- we got the house leased out early -- and we were living in separate residences. He even agreed to help me get the lease for my apartment downtown because I clearly could never get approved on my own....
Despite the finality -- he said that he wanted me back. He begged -- pleaded -- said that he'd do ANYTHING. (he thought I filed bankruptcy -- which I did NOT do).
He started becoming obsessive. I told him -- no -- I'm not coming back. That I loved him and cared for him -- but that I couldn't live like this anymore. He was a good dad....(at that time) and we just continued to have a cordial relationship....friendly. (Of course, because I was still paying ALL his bills)
That was until he found out that I was dating another guy after the divorce.... he freaked out. He started threatening him...he broke into my phone/emails/computer -- he told me that he wanted to "ruin me..."
He told my 8 year old (while I was on speaker phone) that Mommy's "friend" was actually her boyfriend (which I would have NEVER disclosed) and that Mommy was a liar and was leaving Daddy and him because she didn't love them anymore. "Mommy even cut off Daddy's healthcare and she won't pay me any money to live anymore...."
He tried to do even further public damage- he said he contacted the city newspaper -- and wanted to report that I had done some consulting work on the side for HIS video business (not supposed to do that as a TV anchor). (I did it to help him build a "home business"..)
He even informed me that he was going to report that I committed fraud for taking apartment lease in his name (my name is on it, too)...and said I could never prove that he agreed to helping me (the lease application was all online - not in person).
He also told a huge group of our old colleagues from TV -- that I was a harlot -- that I filed divorce on him and never told him -- and that he had NO idea I ever filed divorce in the first place.
That started getting around and I panicked -- I thought I was going to get fired. I met with ex at the lease house on Sept. 22nd and told him that this had to stop. When I initially walked in the door -- he tried to rip my pants off -- saying he wanted to make sure I wasn't wearing a wire. He grabbed me (in that area) and I had to push him away.
He eventually calmed down -- I tried to explain to him how HORRIBLE he's been to me....and how unfair it was that he would claim that "I" committed fraud and adultery -- when "I" was the one who couldn't go through with his little games.... I had even filed 2 police reports for harassment against him....I have the case number ...as evidence.
He apologized and even agreed to sign a document (drafted by attorney) that stated he did not accuse me of forgery, fraud or adultery etc etc. He said he would sign that ...in case my HR department at work ever started sniffing around.
So -- we became much more amicable (once again).... we continued to live in separate places -- he stayed with my son most nights during the week -- and I would stop to see him on my dinner breaks and take him to school in the am.
All this continued until about 3 weeks ago -- when I stopped paying his rent -- and his bills. He freaked out again and hired an attorney. They wanted to seek a Temporary restraining order
because they didn't want to me to move out of city....the decree states that I get to choose geographical locations. I have gotten 2 job opportunities in the last couple of weeks in city 2 hours away....they are "day jobs" and they would allow me to be home in the evening with our son. I told ex I wanted to move there -- (we used to live there for 4 years) and offered to help him get his old job back...where he would make around 85k a year. He obviously chose NOT to do that and lawyered up -- instead. He says he wants FULL custody -- whether i'm in current city (because of my night time TV hours) or elsewhere and child support.
He threatened to put all of the above allegations about me being fraudulent etc etc in the affidavit for the TRO. I told attorney -- why don't we just voluntarily give him the TRO? I had NO intentions of leaving the city within 14 days and I would NEVER take my son without ex's knowledge -- no matter what.
But, here I am now -- fighting for custody, for my reputation and my sanity. My bosses here in this city won't give me a day schedule (I asked and they told me they'd let me go...if I couldn't fulfill the duties of my contract).
Now, I have a PR job 2 hours away -- and I'm ready to move around first of the year -- was going to take December off to get my son ready and acclimated and then this hits....
My ex is also doing further damage with these "fraud" claims -- (even though I was still paying ALL of his bills)....
He called a local beauty salon that had his card on file from many months ago...and told them that all charges made were "fraud" and that I was using his card fraudulently..... which is NOT the case.
He said that the car HE CURRENTLY drives and purchased 2 years ago...(while I was going through the bankruptcy) was also "fraud"...he said that "he didn't sign the loan documents which were fed-ex'd to him".... and wants me to pay for that "crime". He test drove the car -- and has been paying the car payment for TWO years on that car -- and he now says "I" obtained it fraudulently?!?
I guess here's what I want to know. First, what would you do if you were me? Would you leave and take the new job 2 hours away and lose custody temporarily -- and ask for custody in 6 months when I have proof of my stability? Or stay in town and lose custody -- because of my night TV hours...and pay child support here....with no chance of change in hours.
I am a very hard worker and I have been stupid...with my ex husband...
I allowed him to run me into the ground.... and now he has told everyone we worked with and know that I'm a harlot etc etc etc.
A couple of other facts -- My ex had a CPS report and had to undergo anger management classes for kicking our son in the rib cage several years ago. In addition, he's been treated for a porn addiction -- and told me a few years ago that he developed his addiction (that I discovered) because he was raped by a black man when he was **26** years old....
