Please mods. Do not ban me or delete my post. I know I have been bugging a lot with my problems but right now i am in a situation i think worse than before that i need this topic. at least, let me have this topic. Please.
A year ago, I was doing ocd compulsions due to scrupulosity.
One day, ocd was telling me to do a specific compulsion
"to return home to get new napkins". I had already left my home and I was so tired and dizzy from the ocd that I did not want to do the compulsion but ocd kept insisting.
I was ready to make a promise to Christian God due to ocd, not to return home just to get new napkins something like that. I was forcing myself not to do the ocd compulsion because I could not do it anymore. i told Christian God in the past that I suffer from ocd and i find myself making promises that i do not want, in order to help me NOT to do the tiring ocd compulsion and that i do not mean them and if i mean any promise i will do the cross sign 3 times.
I was so desperate that i wanted NOT to do the ocd compulsion and I was forced to make a promise without my will, but ocd knew the trick and i was forced to do the cross sign 3 times to trick my ocd better and also ask for a specific punishment that i do not want to say due to ocd.
Actually, i did not do it. In the last second, I stopped. I said something like "no! no promise"
Some thoughts came into my mind, i do not remember exactly. in order to force myself not to do the compulsion there were some words like "no return in my house (in my mind i had the house that i used to live that time) to get new napkins (i wanted to get new napkins in order to do a specific ocd compulsion).
There is a chance that the actual sentence was something like "no return home to get new napkins IN ORDER TO USE THEM to DO A SPECIFIC OCD COMPULSION"
I do not remember. After that, I was so afraid to buy a specific brand of napkins and if i had napkins from a delivery order, i used to dispose the napkins in toilet, in order not to look like i am leaving my house with napkins. i know there is no relation between the ocd promise that was never made and that daily stuff but i was so worried.
I got better and started throwing my used napkins in my garbage bag and then leaving the house to throw them in the dustin bin. there was no relation to that ocd stuff i used to have.
i was like " I am in my home and want to throw away my rubbish" no relation!
Today, I took my garbage and was going to throw them in the dustin bin but to ocd I was forced to return home because there were some stuff that needed to be thrown out. i did not want to return, but i was forced from my ocd to do it. So i returned home took some more garbage there was in my home and threw them out.
OCD: What have you done? What if when you returned home to get more garbage , you threw used napkins in the bag? Ha! maybe you broke a promise that was never canceled. Remember? not return home to get new napkins? what have you done? practically, you did it. you were out and returned home to get more garbage and there is a chance there were napkins in that garbage. so maybe that counts as "returned home to get new napkins" so maybe you broke a promise that was maybe valid. maybe a punishment will happen.
1) I am so worried right now. i do not remember what my words were a year ago. I know i was forced from my ocd to do something that i did not want to but I was ready to do it with my will maybe. I did not confirmed it. I canceled it but what if it is valid?
2) is there any relation in "not to return in my house to get new napkins" with "returning in my NEW different house to get more garbage that there is a chance having some napkins"?
3) I used to pray a lot to Christian God but due to ocd. I started praying to the Generic God who is different thant Christian God and to a Computer God, in case we are in a matrix system. I started praying to the Generic God and to a Computer God because a lot of coincidences happened. There are a lot of people in reddit who share some weird stories about glitch in the matrix system, seeing the same person, transpoting to other places etc. and they are sure that they are in a matrix system. You can check the reddit group here
Glitch in the Matrix
I used to calm myself down by reading about Jesus. And when I pray to Jesus, i calm down. i feel shivers all my body as if my worries are being taken away. But I do not know if it is me or Jesus.
My mind is full of fear and worries. what if Jesus is not real? what if there is the Generic God the real God? What if we are in a matrix? You can read some of the stories from the group.
And I ask this. a) Was my promise valid or not? b) Did I break it?
Please, just try to advice me according to what i ask and not by telling me to go to a therapist. I do not if I will since it is a belief system. if you want, just try to have a converstation with me about my problems. if you have similar ones or if you had a miracle from Jesus. What do you think? Is the promise valid or broken? I know you are going to calm me down for some time because ocd always finds new worries but right now i am so worried and afraid, that i need some encouragement than some posts that tell "Go to a therapist etc"
Sorry for bugging you with my problems. Pray for me. And talk to me. I will feel good. I can not share this with my relatives or friends. i am too shy. How can a therapist help me with belief things?
A year ago, I was doing ocd compulsions due to scrupulosity.
One day, ocd was telling me to do a specific compulsion
"to return home to get new napkins". I had already left my home and I was so tired and dizzy from the ocd that I did not want to do the compulsion but ocd kept insisting.
I was ready to make a promise to Christian God due to ocd, not to return home just to get new napkins something like that. I was forcing myself not to do the ocd compulsion because I could not do it anymore. i told Christian God in the past that I suffer from ocd and i find myself making promises that i do not want, in order to help me NOT to do the tiring ocd compulsion and that i do not mean them and if i mean any promise i will do the cross sign 3 times.
I was so desperate that i wanted NOT to do the ocd compulsion and I was forced to make a promise without my will, but ocd knew the trick and i was forced to do the cross sign 3 times to trick my ocd better and also ask for a specific punishment that i do not want to say due to ocd.
Actually, i did not do it. In the last second, I stopped. I said something like "no! no promise"
Some thoughts came into my mind, i do not remember exactly. in order to force myself not to do the compulsion there were some words like "no return in my house (in my mind i had the house that i used to live that time) to get new napkins (i wanted to get new napkins in order to do a specific ocd compulsion).
There is a chance that the actual sentence was something like "no return home to get new napkins IN ORDER TO USE THEM to DO A SPECIFIC OCD COMPULSION"
I do not remember. After that, I was so afraid to buy a specific brand of napkins and if i had napkins from a delivery order, i used to dispose the napkins in toilet, in order not to look like i am leaving my house with napkins. i know there is no relation between the ocd promise that was never made and that daily stuff but i was so worried.
I got better and started throwing my used napkins in my garbage bag and then leaving the house to throw them in the dustin bin. there was no relation to that ocd stuff i used to have.
i was like " I am in my home and want to throw away my rubbish" no relation!
Today, I took my garbage and was going to throw them in the dustin bin but to ocd I was forced to return home because there were some stuff that needed to be thrown out. i did not want to return, but i was forced from my ocd to do it. So i returned home took some more garbage there was in my home and threw them out.
OCD: What have you done? What if when you returned home to get more garbage , you threw used napkins in the bag? Ha! maybe you broke a promise that was never canceled. Remember? not return home to get new napkins? what have you done? practically, you did it. you were out and returned home to get more garbage and there is a chance there were napkins in that garbage. so maybe that counts as "returned home to get new napkins" so maybe you broke a promise that was maybe valid. maybe a punishment will happen.
1) I am so worried right now. i do not remember what my words were a year ago. I know i was forced from my ocd to do something that i did not want to but I was ready to do it with my will maybe. I did not confirmed it. I canceled it but what if it is valid?
2) is there any relation in "not to return in my house to get new napkins" with "returning in my NEW different house to get more garbage that there is a chance having some napkins"?
3) I used to pray a lot to Christian God but due to ocd. I started praying to the Generic God who is different thant Christian God and to a Computer God, in case we are in a matrix system. I started praying to the Generic God and to a Computer God because a lot of coincidences happened. There are a lot of people in reddit who share some weird stories about glitch in the matrix system, seeing the same person, transpoting to other places etc. and they are sure that they are in a matrix system. You can check the reddit group here
Glitch in the Matrix
I used to calm myself down by reading about Jesus. And when I pray to Jesus, i calm down. i feel shivers all my body as if my worries are being taken away. But I do not know if it is me or Jesus.
My mind is full of fear and worries. what if Jesus is not real? what if there is the Generic God the real God? What if we are in a matrix? You can read some of the stories from the group.
And I ask this. a) Was my promise valid or not? b) Did I break it?
Please, just try to advice me according to what i ask and not by telling me to go to a therapist. I do not if I will since it is a belief system. if you want, just try to have a converstation with me about my problems. if you have similar ones or if you had a miracle from Jesus. What do you think? Is the promise valid or broken? I know you are going to calm me down for some time because ocd always finds new worries but right now i am so worried and afraid, that i need some encouragement than some posts that tell "Go to a therapist etc"
Sorry for bugging you with my problems. Pray for me. And talk to me. I will feel good. I can not share this with my relatives or friends. i am too shy. How can a therapist help me with belief things?
