This is embarrassing

[blackribbon]

The women I know who are divorced out of Christian marriages:

1) Her husband never allowed her to spend any money. She said in her 20+ years being married, she never owned a single piece of new furniture. She worked 40 hours a week and so did he and yet he always told her they were broke. Turns out he had over a million dollars put away in savings...yet they lived like paupers. She finally left him and bought herself a modest home and was finally free to spend the money she earned to help her kids out and help others. She claims he was a good man but not a very good husband. She is happier alone. Said she will never date because there is nothing about marriage that appeals to her. She is a very lovely Christian lady. We are not talking about a woman who wants to live a wild life but rather just have the basic things in life that their financial position would allow.

2) Woman number two. Beautiful Christian woman. Surprised everyone when she left her husband. Everyone felt sorry for him and she never publically said why she left him. I am a good friend. She told me that she left after she was physically/sexually abused once again....and said she realized that she was teaching her daughter (and her sons) that this was "acceptable" marriage behavior...and the Christian woman's job was to just to take it. She also is alone raising 3 kids. Her church family deserted her because she wouldn't harm her ex by telling them anything negative about him.

3) Husband appears to be the pillar of his Christian church. However, his wife has to present a budget each month before he deposits any money in her account to spend. She always presented a bare bones budget. He always looked at it and shorted it even further. I mean what woman really needs to buy a baby present for her best friend? She couldn't see through her glasses because the prescription was so old and when her budget was cut, things like taking care of herself is what she removed. On the other hand, he started training and flying around the world in Iron Man Decathlon events. The men at church admired him. His wife showed me the receipt for ONE new wheel on his bike that she found when cleaning....it was $800...about half of the money he gave her to run a household of 6 people for a month. He was always dressed to perfection. She looked tired and homely and nothing on her was ever "new". He got braces on his teeth but has given her a hard time about putting braces on their teenage twins...(no money, he claimed). He had an affair and was surprised when she filed for divorce. I also suspect based on a few things she told me that he physically abused her. I know the son's dog started lying between her and him when he came over to get the kids...and spent the whole time growling at her ex-husband. But once again, the church still thinks he is a wonderful Christian and my friend won't say anything negative about him. Her pastor knows the whole story and told her that she NEEDED to open her heart to being able to marry again, that she was sinless in this situation. God recently brought a beautiful Christian man in her life and she is finally happy. No one deserves it more.

50 years ago, they would have stayed married because there would have been no other options for them. Two of the three were stay-at-home mothers with no income at the time of their divorce. They all left anyway. This is not the result of humanism or lack of Christian character...well, on their part anyway. The church forgot to tell these men how to be good Christian husbands...which means CARING for their families and protecting them, not lording over them and controlling them.

 

[exitstageright]

The women I know who are divorced out of Christian marriages:

1) Her husband never allowed her to spend any money. She said in her 20+ years being married, she never owned a single piece of new furniture. She worked 40 hours a week and so did he and yet he always told her they were broke. Turns out he had over a million dollars put away in savings...yet they lived like paupers. She finally left him and bought herself a modest home and was finally free to spend the money she earned to help her kids out and help others. She claims he was a good man but not a very good husband. She is happier alone. Said she will never date because there is nothing about marriage that appeals to her. She is a very lovely Christian lady. We are not talking about a woman who wants to live a wild life but rather just have the basic things in life that their financial position would allow.

2) Woman number two. Beautiful Christian woman. Surprised everyone when she left her husband. Everyone felt sorry for him and she never publically said why she left him. I am a good friend. She told me that she left after she was physically/sexually abused once again....and said she realized that she was teaching her daughter (and her sons) that this was "acceptable" marriage behavior...and the Christian woman's job was to just to take it. She also is alone raising 3 kids. Her church family deserted her because she wouldn't harm her ex by telling them anything negative about him.

3) Husband appears to be the pillar of his Christian church. However, his wife has to present a budget each month before he deposits any money in her account to spend. She always presented a bare bones budget. He always looked at it and shorted it even further. I mean what woman really needs to buy a baby present for her best friend? She couldn't see through her glasses because the prescription was so old and when her budget was cut, things like taking care of herself is what she removed. On the other hand, he started training and flying around the world in Iron Man Decathlon events. The men at church admired him. His wife showed me the receipt for ONE new wheel on his bike that she found when cleaning....it was $800...about half of the money he gave her to run a household of 6 people for a month. He was always dressed to perfection. She looked tired and homely and nothing on her was ever "new". He got braces on his teeth but has given her a hard time about putting braces on their teenage twins...(no money, he claimed). He had an affair and was surprised when she filed for divorce. I also suspect based on a few things she told me that he physically abused her. I know the son's dog started lying between her and him when he came over to get the kids...and spent the whole time growling at her ex-husband. But once again, the church still thinks he is a wonderful Christian and my friend won't say anything negative about him. Her pastor knows the whole story and told her that she NEEDED to open her heart to being able to marry again, that she was sinless in this situation. God recently brought a beautiful Christian man in her life and she is finally happy. No one deserves it more.

50 years ago, they would have stayed married because there would have been no other options for them. Two of the three were stay-at-home mothers with no income at the time of their divorce. They all left anyway. This is not the result of humanism or lack of Christian character...well, on their part anyway. The church forgot to tell these men how to be good Christian husbands...which means CARING for their families and protecting them, not lording over them and controlling them.

Maybe you can introduce husband number one to my second ex-wife. They would be so happy together! This would most definitely be a match made in heaven.

 

[dayhiker]

Those are sad cases of guys who have not treated their wife correctly. Sad indeed.

 

[exitstageright]

Those are sad cases of guys who have not treated their wife correctly. Sad indeed.

Yes,indeed,Dayhiker. It is even sadder when women take out their frustrations on men who are more than willing to treat them right. But,these women overlook the caring,sensitive man.

As one christian therapist once told me,"Yes, you do have to pay for the sins of other men."

 

[blackribbon]

Yes,indeed,Dayhiker. It is even sadder when women take out their frustrations on men who are more than willing to treat them right. But,these women overlook the caring,sensitive man.

As one christian therapist once told me,"Yes, you do have to pay for the sins of other men."

??? Why, do you know many "caring, sensitive men" who are willing to take on divorce older single women with several teenage children who are struggling to make ends meet?

You make some strange assumptions.

 

[exitstageright]

??? Why, do you know many "caring, sensitive men" who are willing to take on divorce older single women with several teenage children who are struggling to make ends meet?

You make some strange assumptions.

Yes, I do know many caring men, who would accept a woman for what she is . These men are not looking for a woman with a Super Model figure.

No, these are not assumptions. Many women my age have told me that they have "had it with men" They have told me that they no longer have any interest in dating. Other men have told me the same things,that they have heard from women.

I have heard women say," All Men are jerks!" Now, does that tell you that I am not imagining these things? These women obviously have been hurt, and they no longer want to take any risks. For me, I am like a boxer. When I get "knocked down, I just know how to get back up.

 

[mimibeloved]

Yip

 

[mimibeloved]

Oops, that was meant to go somewhere else.

 

[MorkandMindy]

People in general are naturally rebellious...I believe that is the gist of what Dobson teaches. In fact, a child goes through a developmental stage where this is documented...

At age 5, you had already passed the "rebellious" child age and he already known he had to put on his seat belt. Objection to seat belts is usually around age 2 years old or so. At this age, you were just verifying that he didn't forget. I am sure you didn't have convince him that he needed to get dressed to go in public anymore or that the bathroom (loo) was a good place to empty his bowels.

This reminds me of other things in Dr. Dobson's books and movies. He mentions punishing older children by squeezing the muscle on the top of the shoulders. His approach was negative and mine positive.

Apart from his use of a game (the napkin at the table) I can't think of anything that he taught which I ended up using. I think he was mainly barking up the wrong tree.

But I was exposed to Dr. Dobson in 1982 and he may have changed somewhat since then.

 

[MorkandMindy]

I didn't make this explicit but I tend to think the spouses childhoods are key factors in the success of a marriage, and therefore wonder if Christian parenting could be a factor in the divorce rate of Christians.

 

[MorkandMindy]

Those are sad cases of guys who have not treated their wife correctly. Sad indeed.

I read it the first time exactly the same as I think everyone else did.

But today I recalled that when either myself or my wife took on a task by ourselves it invariably went wrong.

1. The man on his own controlling the finances and ending up after years of living in self induced poverty, with a million in the bank, is his own personal fear of being poor, of spending money and ending up with none.

An excessive fear, and one that little doubt if he put his head together with his wife's, they could have worked out a compromise.

2. Is sadism. I would guess he was beaten as a child and somehow due to exact stage in his life and other factors, it got wired into his brain.

Again I suspect some kind of compromise could have been worked out. That's what fetishes are all about and most of them are harmless. If the desire is that deep rooted it will probably never disappear. He will know it is wrong or shameful or not fair, and be willing to do other things you like to make up for it.

I think masochism also arises from being beaten. What it does is the person did not want to be beaten and have their dignity and body violated, and masochism allows the person to grant the right to another and therefore allows the person to pretend to be in control of it and therefore to establish that they do in fact now have a right to grant or withhold the right to be hurt and it re establishes their control of the situation.

3. It's about control, someone else's turn to type, I have to go, also I don't want to control this thread.

 

[JackKerouac]

On December 2,2014, I heard on the radio about divorces in the United States. "50% of all marriages end up in divorce." Well, that is not true. That was true in the 70's.

Actually, this isn't true either. It's a false statistic. That 50% figure was arrived at by comparing the number of divorces in a given year with the number of marriages in the same year. It didn't account for the majority of adults who were married throughout the entire year, neither getting married or divorced. That's a huge mistake. But, as we know, you trumpet a lie often enough, it's accepted as truth.

 

[MorkandMindy]

Hello.

...

3.a . Atheistic Secular Humanism IS what our American culture is made up of and even its official affirmations found in its Manifestos are GodLESS in essence concerning how to live . Man was never meant to be his own authority , and when that gets rooted, we get the fallout that America has today including the harm it brings to the populace .

3. The biggest reversal cure is something which isn't going to occur for America, and, that is a return to Judeo Christian principles for living / behavior . There has been such an enormous cultural shift in the USA in just over the past 50 years that it is an uncontrollable snowball picking up snow and growing ever larger with the snow representing moral degradation and a disdain for Gods loving protective moral mandates because they are 'too infringing' .

3a Correctly states that the United States was founded as a non Christian country. Much is made of a few religious weirdos (Puritans) reaching what is now Massachusetts (the so called 'Pilgrim Fathers'). But the utopian vision had Deism as the religion and that is made obvious in the first paragraph of the US Declaration of Independence which I assume is there to contrast it with the King's position as Head of the Established Church in England, and therefore yet another reason we didn't want him running the new country.

3. contradicts 3a.