This baffles me

[quatona]

I tend to agree that in serious circumstances, an expert's help can be best.

But the particular analogy fails a bit. One doesn't learn much about how mechanical things work by driving a functioning car. But one does tend to learn a good deal about how relationships work by living in and participating in a healthy one.

I see your point. However, the typical issue of a single is "How to find someone?". "How to make it work once I´ve found someone?" is a whole nother issue.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I see your point. However, the typical issue of a single is "How to find someone?". "How to make it work once I´ve found someone?" is a whole nother issue.

True.

I think singles would benefit from the advice of other singles on some topics, and the advice of married people on others. And sometimes need an expert.

I rarely read any posts by singles (since I can't reply there) ... but sometimes I happen to read the newest posts and it often strikes me that the ones they are asking are among the least likely to answer the particular questions they have.

No disagreement there.

 

[quatona]

True.

I think singles would benefit from the advice of other singles on some topics, and the advice of married people on others. And sometimes need an expert.

I rarely read any posts by singles (since I can't reply there) ... but sometimes I happen to read the newest posts and it often strikes me that the ones they are asking are among the least likely to answer the particular questions they have.

No disagreement there.

On a more general note, I am not a great fan of advice-giving altogether. As a couseler, I have learned that everyone is the best expert on the solution to their own personal problems - especially since the solutions I can come up with may not be applicable or avialable for them.

On topic, I am not expecting young (or less experienced) persons to ask for my advice, and I am not surprised or offended when they don´t. They are entitled to making their own experiences.

 

[~Anastasia~]

On a more general note, I am not a great fan of advice-giving altogether. As a couseler, I have learned that everyone is the best expert on the solution to their own personal problems - especially since the solutions I can come up with may not be applicable or avialable for them.

On topic, I am not expecting young (or less experienced) persons to ask for my advice, and I am not surprised or offended when they don´t. They are entitled to making their own experiences.

Some good points. It often seems to me that people have the answers within them, and sometimes asking the right questions brings those answers into clarity (or opens them to actually consider the possibilities).

That said, forums aren't an ideal venue for that process. Especially since if you try, you have nothing to base it on but words on a screen. There's a bit of "knowing" the person in front of you that can't really happen.

And it never occurred to me to be offended.

The only thing that does bother me is that sometimes answers appear to be accepted on flimsy grounds - maybe something like the snappiest reply? - but then I can't generally know what really resonated with the person.

I guess we all offer our best. Often I think compassion and prayers are the best thing we can really offer anyone - especially through a computer screen.

 

[rebornfree]

What baffles me are singles who ask other singles about relationships. Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask married folk who have already solved a lot of those issues?

Maybe younger singles could benefit, but older ones, especially those widowed or divorced, may be dealing with issues which some married people have never had: The heartache of a spouse walking out on them; getting over the illness and death of a spouse; dealing with the fallout on the children, etc., so it's probably easier to talk to others who have also had such difficult experiences and discuss how that can affect future relationships with them.