I mentioned in prayer requests that one of my sisters is getting a divorce. A and I have had a rocky relationship pretty much our whole life. It seems like when she is in a committed relationship, she is stable, and we get along. When she's not, she's unstable, and just not a very nice person. Sure enough, now that's she's separated from her husband, she's back to being unstable, and not very nice. A few years ago, it got to the point where being in the same room with her made me feel so upset, hurt and angry that I would get physically ill, so for about 2-3 years, I had no contact with her and refused to go to anything if she was going to be there. Even though everyone would admit that she treated me like dirt, I was always the "bad guy" for standing up for myself.
A few times in the last year, our adoption agency has had seminars on the needs of adopted kids. DH and I have invited the extended family, and every time, she has said she is going, and then doesn't show up. I have to give the agency the number of people so they can plan and we're usually the only couple that has someone in our group be a no-show. It's kind of embarassing.
There's also been a couple of other things that have come up about our adoption and her, that I won't bore you with, that have been pretty hurtful, but I'm expected to just blow it off and ignore her.
This weekend, the adoption agency we are going through is having a hair/skin care seminar where we learn how to take care of African hair and skin, and we'll learn how to do the cute little braids, cornrolls, etc. They require so much work with the hair, and the whole thing can be a huge bonding experience with the kids. I've been looking forward to this for over a year now, and I can't tell you how excited I am to go to this. Because of her past track record, I didn't invite A. However, C, my other sister, went ahead and told A about it (not realizing that A wasn't on the e-mail), and A told me she is planning on going and isn't going to miss it this time.
Please don't tell me that maybe now she's trying to be a good Aunt. She isn't. The future kids are just a "token" to her to draw attention to her with her aquaintences and collegues. She finds what we are doing to be exotic and uses it as a conversation piece.
I'm starting to get the tight sick feeling I used to get knowing I have to be somewhere with her, and I'm quite angry about it because I've been looking forward to this for almost a year now. If I tell her I don't want her to go, even though I never invited her, I will endure the wrath of the entire family because I'm expected to put up with how she treats me, even though they all know how she is.
I know I need to let go and let God, but it's so much easier said than done. I do know that having God in my life more now than before has made this a little easier than, like, 5 years ago, but it's still hard.
Sometimes my fingers get away from me....
