Things you never want to hear

[waterwizard]

TV news reporter: Jim, we're live at the scene of the National Bridge Championship, where today we'll be talking with...WHAT'S THAT? IT'S HEADING STRAIGHT FOR US!! OH, MY.....RUN!!!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!

Gardener

 

[altya]

I did not like your grass so I removed it all. It’s a bit messy now but with time you will get use to that.

Helicopter Pilot

 

[Gerry]

Anybody on board know how to land one of these things?

Best Friend

 

[lucypevensie]

I was telling all my friends about that big scandal you were involved in ten years ago......oops.


football quarterback

 

[fieldmouse3]

So...ummmm....where am I supposed to throw this football thingie?

aerobics instructor

 

[4jc]

okay everyone, let's get ice cream after our workout

Ventriliquist

 

[lucypevensie]

This dummy is POSSESSED! AAAAHHHHHHH!

police man

 

[waterwizard]

Policeman: Hmmm, the resemblance is uncanny. Hey, Joe, you still got that picture of that mass murderer?

Automobile Tag Department Clerk

 

[ZiSunka]

(to the guy ahead of you in line) No sir. The mandatory emissions test does not check for alien DNA. Sir, put down that ray gun!!

Next: Waitress at a waffle restaurant.

 

[Mom of Dase]

Waitress at a waffle restaurant: Don't you think you should have the salad?

Farmer

 

[altya]

All your fruit is rotten and you cannot sell it

Dentist

 

[Lost]

Dentist: "Uh oh........*clunk*!"

Next door neighbor.

 

[lucypevensie]

Our heavy metal garage band will begin weekly rehearsals here at my place starting next Saturday night.


Queen Elizabeth

 

[waterwizard]

Queen Elizabeth -- PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!!!

School Bus Driver

 

[KeepTheFaith15]

I think we should all sing a song how about the wheels on the bus go round and round...
Bill clinton

 

[SoldierOfTheLight]

if i had a nickel everytime i have been caught lying i would be rich!

monkey's cage cleaner

 

[lucypevensie]

*grumbles* Why do I always gotta be the one to clean up after the sick animals.....OH NO! I"VE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN!

clown

 

[Susan]

I'm not really a clown! This is a holdup!

strange man next door

 

[Susan]

"Oh YEAH? Look, I WAS that 'idiot in the Goku suit at the convention.' You have something to say about it?"

bully

 

[Susan]

"Forget punching, I'm taking you to court! Consider yourself served."

person in front of computer