Things you never want to hear

[Lbiagm]

what am i a clerk

Tv show host

 

[Kikayon]

TV Show Host: You are the weakest link - goodbye!

Chiropodist

 

[Ryder]

Chiropodist "Gimme a hundred laps, go go go!"

Fire-department dispatcher

 

[Lacey0nes]

Fire Dispatcher "I'm sorry, all lines are busy.  Please leave your name and number and we will get right back with you."

Room Moderator.

 

[Ryder]

Mod, "Your thread is being moved somewhere no-one bothers to look"

Co-Pilot

 

[Lacey0nes]

In the event of a dizzy spell from the air pressure change in the airplane... Please place your head between your legs, and pray."
Bus Driver

 

[Ryder]

Bus driver "Did anyone see that movie speed?"

Garbage-barge captain

 

[Lacey0nes]

"Just dump it over there in the canal."

 

Physical Trainer

 

[Ryder]

Physical Trainer "Cancel my afternoon appointments, this could take awhile"

track & field coach

 

[booger]

track & field coach:  "Could you hand me that brownie, thanks, now give me 50 laps around the track!"

Highrise Window washer

 

[booger]

Highrise Window washer: "I gotta pee"

Ice Sculpter

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

Owwie!! Why didn'th anybothy ever thell me thath your thoungue geth thuck ith yoou thick thethe thingees

Caterer

 

[waterwizard]

Caterer: Ma'am, Guido's a really good caterer since he beat that silly old Typhoid problem.

Kindergarten teacher

 

[Ryder]

Kintergarten Teacher - "Now we're going to play a little game,,, it's called    Who is your daddy, and what does he do? Ok,,,, STOP WHINNING" /end Arnold voice

Dentist's Receptionist

 

[waterwizard]

Dentist Receptionist: Dr. Smith will be right in. He's finishing up his online Anger Management Course, and he ain't too happy about the results.

Figure skater

 

[Ryder]

figure skater "What bat?" "behind your back" "Oh that bat, well I left my lead pipe at home"

Vampire

 

[booger]

Vampire (in a depressed voice):  "Man, I suck at this."

skydiver

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

skydiver: ok, so if I pull this thing, will the parachute come out?


vet

 

[evenstar]

Neighbor: "I love watching you through my upstairs window; I can see right through your folded-up blinds from up there."

(on the other hand, if the neighbor really was doing this I guess it would be good to know so I could do something about it, but still!)

Math Professor

 

[Ryder]

Math professor *writting on board with chalk* "So students, as you can see, if you apply the above formulas on the data given you will process the correct answers in oooo, about twenty minutes time per page, not too much homework no? So I'll expect the staffs' income taxes done by monday, and Prof Petersons account needs to be forwarded to Zurich by tuesday. Class dismissed."

Submarine Captain