- Jul 19, 2014
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You know those YouTube videos that give examples of what people say to a specific type of person? It's usually in the form of, "[Crud] People Say to _____." I have found many on PTSD, service animals, and even schizophrenia, but I have yet to see one on bipolar disorder. I also find it interesting that no one has come up with a video of how a person could respond to such statements.
I have only been diagnosed since May, but I have been dealing with bipolar disorder as an unknown plague in my life since I was at least seven years old. That having been said, now that I've been telling people about my bipolar disorder and how it was present in my past years, I've received a lot of different replies.
Some of the more popular statements I get are:
"Maybe one day you can get off the medication and just manage this thing with diet and exercise."
My reply should be: "Bipolar disorder, statistically, gets worse over time. I have bipolar 1 disorder, which means I have had a manic episode. Statistically, the occurrence of a manic episode increases the chances I will have another episode. While I would like to get off the medication and be healed--and will pray to that end--I will continue to take the medication as long as I have bipolar disorder. I cannot sensibly manage my illness with diet and exercise."
To which they reply: "Well, I will trust my God to heal you."
My reply should be: "Thank you, though please understand I am praying to the same God for the same thing. Please don't think I am trying to be difficult. I am trying to be realistic. Bipolar disorder can easily create a lack of reality for its victim, so I must live in truth in order to survive. That means I have to acknowledge that God does not always heal everyone who prays for it, even if their faith is sufficient. I rely on His grace, not my desires. If He chooses to heal me, may God be glorified. If He chooses to let me suffer with this thorn, He will use it for His glory, so may God be glorified."
Another popular one occurs when I am using deep breathing or muscle relaxation (like squeezing an invisible stress ball in my hands) to control my agitation. This often happens when someone says something that interrupts my expectations or that I find uncomfortable for any reason.
Their statement: "Never mind. You're upset."
My response should be: "No, I am not upset. I am agitated, because I wasn't expecting this. However, I am still here, and still listening. I am controlling my agitation, rather than letting the agitation overwhelm me. If you are willing to talk, I am willing to listen, but I will not choose to listen if you are choosing to be upset. When you are calm, we can talk about whatever it is you want to talk about."
Their statement: "You don't have bipolar disorder," or "mental illness doesn't exist."
My response should be: "Yes, I do," or "yes, it does. It is a diagnosed illness that has been recognized for hundreds of years. If you refuse to believe that I am plagued by a mental illness, that is unfortunate, but I will continue to cope with the illness, because I recognize what it does to me and what it could do to me. If you aren't willing to accept that, I am unwilling to accept your influence in my life. I struggle enough with myself; I don't need my friends or family doubting me as well."
Their statement: "You just need to correct your attitude."
My response should be: "Yes, my attitude can be poor, and you're probably right that I should step back and take things in stride so I'm not overwhelmed. However, I get upset when I feel overwhelmed, so please help me by allowing me time to process your expectations of me so I can take them step by step. That will help me to feel less chaotic, and my attitude will improve. The rest is on me, I know, and I'm sorry if I'm giving you grief."
Their statement: "You need to reject the demon/curse of bipolar."
My response should be: "Bipolar disorder is a chemical problem, not a spiritual affliction. I am not possessed by a demon, nor do I believe God has cursed me with an illness. It is a medical problem that can be treated, but--as of yet--not cured. I refuse to believe God has it out for me, or that He would let a Christian like me be possessed. Plenty of Christians have illnesses that are not the result of a demon or a curse. I am not unique from Billy Graham, who has suffered strokes, or Bethany Hamilton, who had her arm bitten off by a shark. I could provide many other examples, but I hope you see my point."
Of course, these responses will not work with everyone, and they will not work 100% of the time. I find it discouraging when people choose not to understand what it is we go through, but I do hope to get through to them and counter their statements with logic.
What are some of the statements you've heard? How do you think you should respond?
I have only been diagnosed since May, but I have been dealing with bipolar disorder as an unknown plague in my life since I was at least seven years old. That having been said, now that I've been telling people about my bipolar disorder and how it was present in my past years, I've received a lot of different replies.
Some of the more popular statements I get are:
"Maybe one day you can get off the medication and just manage this thing with diet and exercise."
My reply should be: "Bipolar disorder, statistically, gets worse over time. I have bipolar 1 disorder, which means I have had a manic episode. Statistically, the occurrence of a manic episode increases the chances I will have another episode. While I would like to get off the medication and be healed--and will pray to that end--I will continue to take the medication as long as I have bipolar disorder. I cannot sensibly manage my illness with diet and exercise."
To which they reply: "Well, I will trust my God to heal you."
My reply should be: "Thank you, though please understand I am praying to the same God for the same thing. Please don't think I am trying to be difficult. I am trying to be realistic. Bipolar disorder can easily create a lack of reality for its victim, so I must live in truth in order to survive. That means I have to acknowledge that God does not always heal everyone who prays for it, even if their faith is sufficient. I rely on His grace, not my desires. If He chooses to heal me, may God be glorified. If He chooses to let me suffer with this thorn, He will use it for His glory, so may God be glorified."
Another popular one occurs when I am using deep breathing or muscle relaxation (like squeezing an invisible stress ball in my hands) to control my agitation. This often happens when someone says something that interrupts my expectations or that I find uncomfortable for any reason.
Their statement: "Never mind. You're upset."
My response should be: "No, I am not upset. I am agitated, because I wasn't expecting this. However, I am still here, and still listening. I am controlling my agitation, rather than letting the agitation overwhelm me. If you are willing to talk, I am willing to listen, but I will not choose to listen if you are choosing to be upset. When you are calm, we can talk about whatever it is you want to talk about."
Their statement: "You don't have bipolar disorder," or "mental illness doesn't exist."
My response should be: "Yes, I do," or "yes, it does. It is a diagnosed illness that has been recognized for hundreds of years. If you refuse to believe that I am plagued by a mental illness, that is unfortunate, but I will continue to cope with the illness, because I recognize what it does to me and what it could do to me. If you aren't willing to accept that, I am unwilling to accept your influence in my life. I struggle enough with myself; I don't need my friends or family doubting me as well."
Their statement: "You just need to correct your attitude."
My response should be: "Yes, my attitude can be poor, and you're probably right that I should step back and take things in stride so I'm not overwhelmed. However, I get upset when I feel overwhelmed, so please help me by allowing me time to process your expectations of me so I can take them step by step. That will help me to feel less chaotic, and my attitude will improve. The rest is on me, I know, and I'm sorry if I'm giving you grief."
Their statement: "You need to reject the demon/curse of bipolar."
My response should be: "Bipolar disorder is a chemical problem, not a spiritual affliction. I am not possessed by a demon, nor do I believe God has cursed me with an illness. It is a medical problem that can be treated, but--as of yet--not cured. I refuse to believe God has it out for me, or that He would let a Christian like me be possessed. Plenty of Christians have illnesses that are not the result of a demon or a curse. I am not unique from Billy Graham, who has suffered strokes, or Bethany Hamilton, who had her arm bitten off by a shark. I could provide many other examples, but I hope you see my point."
Of course, these responses will not work with everyone, and they will not work 100% of the time. I find it discouraging when people choose not to understand what it is we go through, but I do hope to get through to them and counter their statements with logic.
What are some of the statements you've heard? How do you think you should respond?
