there is light?

[Leechness]

http://www.survivingsuicide.com/cope.htm

i visited the site above this morning...

why do i find it so hard to tell people i struggle coping with my best friend's suicide. i thought its meant to heal - i feel far worse now that ive accepted it. its been over two years now. and is her birthday this friday.

i want to heal - im going to end up driving whoevers still a friend away .

do you think its too late to ask for help? i mean it happened so long ago. it hadnt occured to me people get help. why is it worse - i was fine the first year...i dont understand - maybe im using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself...

...im really confused. im talking to my mum over msn...and shes saying:

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...maybe that's why you are lost like a sheep, you have to multi task these days, it's find to give and help people but you have robbed your own joy of finding your own character in yourself
leech says:
can you explain wat you mean by "robbed my own joy of finding your own charcter in yourself"
mayling says:
why don't you focus on yourself and look after yourself first before you help others and then you can help even more people in need, it's not selfish, you need to be stable and responsible
leech says:
i can get more depressed when i think about myself, futurewise - anyway isnt that v 21st centuray way of thinking. before that people just focused on God's plan and works - i beginning to think this "self" approach is unhealthy
mayling says:
you need to stay up on your own two feet and not rely on other people too much, you become a parasite and clingy and insecure


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i hate my life. and worse off i feel horrible i dont seem to love the life God has made me. im confused whether i should be sharing and asking for help or not. i dont get it anymore. im so weak, its pathetic.

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your heart hun. i got a nice soft shoulder if you need it. you are very valuable and precious. will you pm me, if you'd like to ask questions about biblical things, or just need to talk one on one? it's hard for me to keep up with all the threads i post on... but i'd sure like to be your friend and a resource. xo dee

 

[.Sabre.]

Hi!

I've added you to MSN, if you don't feel comfortable talking openly. I'd really like to help you, so please send me a message either here or on MSN.

 

[wordbyrd]

my problems too are sometimes very heavy to bear and it seems like I don't really like my life very much, but we must remember that through the pain, we grow in strength. There is a reason for our pain and we may not know it now, or next week, we may not know about it next year, but God knows and we will know one day. Just like every snowflake has its own individual design, our lives are designed by God to bring us to a higher place at the finish line. ... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. heb. 12.1 much love and prayers for you i think thats a praying thingy

 

[nette45]

you need to tell jesus about your pain.
He understands everything you are going to.
rememer he is our best friend who laid down his life for us,
He is waiting for you to come to him so he can send the comforter.
It helped me to go through the dark vallet in psalms 23.
by helping others. Where there is a shadow there has got to be the Light.
I had to get a hold of his rod and staff and start praising, worshipping, thanking an blessing him.

 

[PastorGadget]

i visited the site above this morning...

why do i find it so hard to tell people i struggle coping with my best friend's suicide. i thought its meant to heal - i feel far worse now that ive accepted it. its been over two years now. and is her birthday this friday.

i want to heal - im going to end up driving whoevers still a friend away .

do you think its too late to ask for help? i mean it happened so long ago. it hadnt occured to me people get help. why is it worse - i was fine the first year...i dont understand - maybe im using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself...
...

i hate my life. and worse off i feel horrible i dont seem to love the life God has made me. im confused whether i should be sharing and asking for help or not. i dont get it anymore. im so weak, its pathetic.

Your mother was right: you do need to deal with your own problems in order to be most effective helping others. The word "sabbatical" comes from the word Sabbath, which is time taken to get back to God and to get ourselves rested and refreshed for the week ahead. The God of infinite strength and love actually rested, and so should we, too.

It is never too late to ask for help. I went for months after my wife's suicide without seeking therapy or counseling. I would talk about it, and I would read about it, but I didn't follow through until just recently when the depression really kicked in. There is no solid timeframe for when the depression will come nor when it will go. When it does, seek help. Two years from now, ten years from now, I will undoubtedly have a bad day when I cannot shake the melancholy and darkness from my wife's suicide. I also know that no matter how long from now, I can always seek help from somewhere -- my church, a therapist, a relative, or even just God Himself. There is nothing pathetic about grieving a loved one. It's as normal as breathing.

I would like to recommend a couple of authors for those grieving a suicide: Carla Fine and Albert Hsu. Carla Fine has written a couple of books about surviving suicide, and her approach is very tender and matter-of-fact. Almost anyone would get something from her books. (I heard her speak recently at a suicide survivors meeting, and I really enjoyed her talk.) Albert Hsu writes from a distinctly Christian perspective, and so some might not appreciate his constant reliance on God. However, his book "Grieving a Suicide" is insightful and well-written. If you have even a smidgen of faith in our loving God, I highly recommend Mr. Hsu's book.

In the meantime, don't beat yourself up over missing someone you loved. There's nothing wrong with that, nor is there anything wrong with giving yourself time to grieve. As Mr. Hsu mentions in his book, we are never completely healed in our grieving, we are always just healing. Only when we face our Savior will we be truly healed of it all. Give yourself time, and keep talking to God.

Peace,
Pastor Gadget