Therapist.

[berry2000]

Been having trouble with my therapist. A common problem with me, when someone hurts my feelings, I am completely unable to talk to them about it. Fear of rejection, fear that my feelings are somehow wrong or invalid, and fear of confrontation of any type. So things have been building up inside of me to the point where it is interfering with therapy. I finally dug up some courage to talk about it with her. Huge step for me. It actually felt good to let a little bit of that bottled up stuff out. I told her how ... had hurt my feelings and made me feel unimportant. Anyways...just wanted to let someone, whom might understand how incredibly hard that was, know how brave I was. Perhaps this is skill that might be useful?

 

[madison1101]

It took me years to get the courage to let my therapist know he had done something that was upsetting to me. I feared he would drop me as a patient. When I finally did, he apologized. I felt empowered.

How did your discussion end with your therapist? Did she support you?

That is the purpose of therapy, to learn new skills in a safe relationship and environment.

Good job.

Trish

 

[lmarie23]

Been having trouble with my therapist. A common problem with me, when someone hurts my feelings, I am completely unable to talk to them about it. Fear of rejection, fear that my feelings are somehow wrong or invalid, and fear of confrontation of any type. So things have been building up inside of me to the point where it is interfering with therapy. I finally dug up some courage to talk about it with her. Huge step for me. It actually felt good to let a little bit of that bottled up stuff out. I told her how ... had hurt my feelings and made me feel unimportant. Anyways...just wanted to let someone, whom might understand how incredibly hard that was, know how brave I was. Perhaps this is skill that might be useful?

I completely understand about having a hard time letting people know when my feelings are hurt. It just seems easier to me to allow myself to be hurt, and avoid confrontation. My therapist hurt my feelings once by the way he compared me to a child. I don't remember his exact words but it really offended me. I somehow got up the confidence to tell him that he hurt me, and he said he was impressed with my maturity in coming to him like that. Then he explained what he had meant more with his previous comment, and I felt better about it all. It's taken me years to get the courage to talk to my parents about some things they have said that have hurt me, but it's a process, I'm working on it.

That's great that you were so brave . I'm with you.

Your sister in Christ,
Lynne

 

[madison1101]

I completely understand about having a hard time letting people know when my feelings are hurt. It just seems easier to me to allow myself to be hurt, and avoid confrontation. My therapist hurt my feelings once by the way he compared me to a child. I don't remember his exact words but it really offended me. I somehow got up the confidence to tell him that he hurt me, and he said he was impressed with my maturity in coming to him like that. Then he explained what he had meant more with his previous comment, and I felt better about it all. It's taken me years to get the courage to talk to my parents about some things they have said that have hurt me, but it's a process, I'm working on it.

That's great that you were so brave . I'm with you.

Your sister in Christ,
Lynne

Your therapist is a lot nicer than mine. For years, my therapist would tell me I was a 13 year old, or a 3 year old depending on what was going on in my life. He would hammer away at me mercilessly with comparisons to children. When I would balk, he would say, "I'm sorry, I won't do that again and smile." That told me, he had a point. In looking at myself honestly, I saw that I was acting like an immature teenager, or a small child.

I have such a good working relationship with my therapist now that when he truly does something that hurts, I tell him plainly and he genuinely apoligizes.

One of the problems with BPD is that I never learned how to express my feelings appropriately and get my needs met. Instead, I would stuff my feelings and then act them out. Therapy was my venue to learn to express my feelings appropriately.

 

[berry2000]

How did your discussion end with your therapist? Did she support you?

Well I didn't get the apology I was looking for. Before I said anything I prefaced it with a question of would she get defensive or tell me my feelings were somehow wrong (mostly because for either one to happen would actually cause me more damage than good). So she didn't defend herself or tell me my feelings were wrong. She said feelings are never "wrong" they just are how we feel. And she helped me understand why I felt that way. Actually, the response didn't matter much just the ability to release my true feelings and feel safe.

It's hard to have BPD and be in therapy. My pattern is so much avoidance and passive aggressive. To try and be honest with someone face to face is brand new. I know what you all mean when you say you never learned to express your feelings cuz I didn't either.