Why do you care about what I think? You've already made up your mind. The very questions you posed indicates that you do not get this.
The ones who were there did. Grant's men did, saluting Lee's at the surrender. Sherman did, who, as Secretary of War during the first time the US and Spain almost came to blows, refused N.B. Forrest's offer of service not because he was a former Confederate, but because the crises had passed. When the US and Spain did go to war, they had no problem accepting the service of former Confederates, including Joseph Wheeler. Wheeler was serving in Congress then, voted for the declaration of war with Spain, resigned from Congress and accepted a commission in the US Army and fought in the war he voted for. The Union and Confederate veterans who settled Fitzgerald, Georgia got it, naming streets after Union and Confederate figures and marching together in a single rank in the town's first Independence Day parade. As Nathan Bedford Forrest said at the Jubilee of Poll Bearers in Memphis in 1875: "We have but one flag, one country; let us stand together. We may differ in color, but not in sentiment."
Ah, but N.B. Forrest was a former Confederate officer, and by the reasoning you presented in this topic, his words must be discounted.
You may wish to ponder this. Or not. That is your business, not mine.