The teaching of kindness is on her tongue

[Tsadde]

Tsadde,

I do really good right up until my ego is threatened.....pride is such a wicked thing and I noticed it never dies easy....always quite painful.

God did show me that it is the 'wanting' of someones approval or agreeance that is the underlying cause of bad responses.

Why is it so bad that someone disagrees anyway? Why does one 'have' to be right or get the 'last' word in.

Perhaps there is less sin in silence when someone decides to make sport of you......

Hey AoF, you're talking to a life-time approval junky here. I often go the other extreme and will not even stand up for righteousness if I sense anger in another person. I've stupidly spent wakeful nights worrying that someone doesn't like my stand on something. I often don't speak up until I finally lose it -and then I blurt out something I regret. I need to say something while the matter is still small and I can do it with respect. When it comes to some discussions, though, it is wise to just "step away from the fan."

I have a sticky on my computer to remind me that "Compassion and humility lead to patience."

I think I need one on the mouse that says, "Did you pray about this first?"

 

[Angeloffire]

Is it true what they say, too, about the demoniacs, that they instinctively know exactly where to target you, almost as if they can read your mind or something (or the demons can) and that they attack you psychologically through your weaknesses?

(OK honestly I don't know if "they" say that at all (or who "they" would be) ... I remember reading it in the story The Exorcist years ago!! )



Now now, don't dilute your self-assessment by comparing yourself to someone else. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't, but it doesn't matter when it comes to facing ourselves what anyone else does. It's a very common defense mechanism to project ourselves into others we clash with, but shared traits only account for a small minority of personality conflicts. (Smack me if I'm being pedantic, please; being raised by a therapist has left its horrible mark on me!)

Must have been an interesting childhood.....harder to outsmart the parents I wonder?

Well, demons can read your mind....I can't get into the scientific side of it as it is being patiented etc. but they can actually use your own brain....SPOOKY!....and electronic removal has been done.

Anyways.....having the same weakness as someone else can tie you together like doorways for demons. Which is why some ministers will say it was the demon of doubt or anger...etc.

So for all those who hang onto things like resentment and anger....you are actually kiling yourself.... not good.

My main concern with Moriah was that I was damaging her.......you could just see the anger escalating.

Go look at my thread on "how to forgive" and look at our last words.....tell me what you think.

 

[EternalSummer]

Aren't we all approval junkies to one degree or another? I think we all have basic needs to feel affirmed, feel like we belong. I just think some are better at hiding it than others. And some feel so desperately insecure over it that they spend their lives trying to stigmatize those who cannot hide it as a way of feeling superior to them so that they can, in turn, distance themselves from what makes them so nervous: their own very normal, God-given human needs.

 

[Tsadde]

Aren't we all approval junkies to one degree or another? I think we all have basic needs to feel affirmed, feel like we belong. I just think some are better at hiding it than others. And some feel so desperately insecure over it that they spend their lives trying to stigmatize those who cannot hide it as a way of feeling superior to them so that they can, in turn, distance themselves from what makes them so nervous: their own very normal, God-given human needs.

Are you sure YOU'RE not a therapist? I love it! Such wisdom and you're only what? 24?

 

[Angeloffire]

Hey AoF, you're talking to a life-time approval junky here. I often go the other extreme and will not even stand up for righteousness if I sense anger in another person. I've stupidly spent wakeful nights worrying that someone doesn't like my stand on something. I often don't speak up until I finally lose it -and then I blurt out something I regret. I need to say something while the matter is still small and I can do it with respect. When it comes to some discussions, though, it is wise to just "step away from the fan."

I have a sticky on my computer to remind me that "Compassion and humility lead to patience."

I think I need one on the mouse that says, "Did you pray about this first?"

(lol)

I hear you....

The thing is ...I don't want to have a wrong goal...like make people like me or look good either or win an arguement.

I want to be able to fearlessly say what I must without anger rising or going off into my flesh and toasting someone out of stupidity.

Can you imagine Jesus saying, "Now....I can't hurt the Sadducees and Pharisees feelings cause they might want to kill me so I'll tone that down abit."

I have to be able to keep from losing my head and having it go into a blur.

Is there an 'easy' button for this?

 

[Angeloffire]

Aren't we all approval junkies to one degree or another? I think we all have basic needs to feel affirmed, feel like we belong. I just think some are better at hiding it than others. And some feel so desperately insecure over it that they spend their lives trying to stigmatize those who cannot hide it as a way of feeling superior to them so that they can, in turn, distance themselves from what makes them so nervous: their own very normal, God-given human needs.

I can see that during most of my failure to respond correctly on these forums was when I felt I 'needed' to be understood or 'had' to make a point.

This is just going to have to be a deeper commitment and conviction on my part to please God only and not others or myself.

 

[EternalSummer]

Must have been an interesting childhood.....harder to outsmart the parents I wonder?

Well, harder at first in some ways ... of course being aware of developmental stages they did not tend to react to things the way most parents would. They did not view misbehavior as either a threat to their authority or a personal slight, so they dealt with it far more creatively, calmly and effectively than most of their peers. I used to always want to have my buds over to play rather than go to theirs because their parents seemed so easily upset by everything, LOL. But yeah it did mean getting caught a lot no matter how sneaky you tried to be. Of course once I got older I learned how to "game the system" by anticipating their logic and moves, but every teenager does that.

Well, demons can read your mind....I can't get into the scientific side of it as it is being patiented etc. but they can actually use your own brain....SPOOKY!....and electronic removal has been done.

OK you lost me on "electronic removal". Anyway, I know more about dysfunctional/toxic relationship dynamics than it's probably healthy for most people to know (it can make you overcautious!) and it's a bit more complicated than just the old "oh we're too much alike" thing. I'm not sure I'd do a good job of explaining though.

Moving on ... I'll have a look at your thread in a bit. It's getting late here though so this might have to wait till another time.

 

[Angeloffire]

EternalSummer,

I'm tired too...I stayed up way to late last night and was a zombie today...so I'm going to go to bed in a couple of minutes too.

Thanks for your help...

 

[EternalSummer]

Are you sure YOU'RE not a therapist? I love it! Such wisdom and you're only what? 24?

Awwww, you make me blush. (Hey, I'm almost 25!)

 

[Tsadde]

I think the key is to:

1) Be gentle. Do not use words that you know have inflammatory meanings. For example, if you are discussing a prophetic word, trying saying "I think XXX made a mistake here" rather than "XXX is a false prophet".

2) Discuss the issue not the person. "When I look at Matthew 8.16-17, I can see that Jesus healed the sick and it is linked to our redemption so I conclude that Jesus redeemed us from sickness" is better than "You are an idiot if you cannot see that Jesus redeemed us from sickness"

3) Ensure that the person you are discussing with feels they have space to comeback from what you say. "So therefore you are anti-Biblical and you are wrong. Case closed." is not helpful. "So this is my understanding of Scripture. I want to be Scriptural, so if you show me from the Word where I am wrong, I will be happy to change my beliefs".

Hope this helps,
|ZZ|

Thank you for this. It comes down to humility and respect, doesn't it?

Even a policeman is taught to treat someone caught in a flagrant violation of the law with respect. "Can I see your driver's license and registration PLEASE, SIR?" not, "You great gangly moron! You just ran over my freezin' toe! How dare you!" even though he might be justified in losing his cool..

A gentle answer turns away wrath; but a harsh word stirs up anger.

The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable; but the mouth of the fool spouts folly.

A soothing tongue is a tree of life; but perversion in it crushes the spirit.

The lips of the wise spread knowledge, but the heart of fools is not so.

The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on folly.

A man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word.

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked spouts for evil things.

The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom, and before honour comes humility.

A scoffer does not love one who reproves him; he will not go to the wise.

The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom, and before honour comes humility.


All this comes from only one chapter in Proverbs -the 15th. I used to read a chapter of Proverbs every day. I think I need to go back to that.

I also like 29:9 When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest.