Have you ever seen the movie "Enough"? Well, I saw it and I said to myself "is that enough? is that really all it takes?" Maybe the plot was not very well developed or something, but it seemed like he hit her about twice and she freaks out and kills him.
Let me tell you a little about my life and marriage. I got married at 19. It wasn't like I didn't expect the first year to be difficult, in most marriages it is a hard time of adjusting. But when is enough Enough? My husband and I moved to another state so he could go to college there, and I worked full time. We would get in fights and he would hit me, and I would fight back, and it would become a physical fight. After some months of this, I said to myself, "this is dumb, I am not going to do this anymore" so I stopped fighting back because it wasn't like I, a 97 pound female, was getting anywhere anyway. I just lay there and let it pass back then and it seemed all too often. If I got a particularly visible mark I would call in sick to work the next day, and a couple times when I didn't call in because it wasn't too bad I think my coworkers suspected something. But they never said anything. And I never said anything either.
I never said anything to anyone.
After 1 1/2 years of this, it faded to a rare occurance. I developed superior avoidance skills. I always knew when to stop talking or doing anything that would push him over the edge. I started threatening to call the police. (it would be easier to tell a stranger than someone I knew) Some combination of these things made him calm down to almost nothing. But something was broken between us. It was as if my image of him as a man fell off of a shelf in my heart and broke. Our marriage wasn't what it should be, it was a shell that remained for social expectations. It was there to make the right appearances at church. I never got close enough to anyone at church to tell them about any of this, but I did have a lot of friends. And I never hinted of it at all.
To me divorce was not an option. I committed for life. There were so many people out there who needed love and stability and if I divorced my husband it had the potential of pushing them away from God. I didn't want that, so I told myself that it wasn't about me, it was about them, because we were youth leaders. I could not be selfish.
Oh, but isn't that funny? Then comes the test. I failed, I am still a frail selfish human being. I had an affair. I fell in love with a guy who was my best friend, and I tried to ignore it for 6 months. Long and short, I was wrong. And it all came crashing down in June when I made the really stupid decisions.
It's back to abuse these days, only this time it is more mental than physical. He has told me he knows if he leaves any marks on me that I will show someone. So instead he slams me against the wall or grabs me my the shoulder and shakes, throws me on the ground, things that don't leave marks. Or he calls me a harlot. We need counseling. He won't go. He doesn't want to go talk to someone about "my problem." it is too embarrassing for him that I cheated on him.
I have finally told a few people, but not very many. Not my parents, but I need to.
I am leaving home soon, and I don't want to come back. I'm going somewhere where he can't find me just in case he goes psycho. I don't even want to come back if he begs...
I have heard all of the arguements saying "you cannot get divorced unless they cheat on you", and all of the arguements saying "even then, you should stay", but let me tell you what is really Enough. This is enough. Too much damage, too many scars.
And when I leave, what will happen? Every Christian in my life will condemn me because all that will come out is "she cheated on him and then got divorced" even though my plan is to be by myself not to run off and get married. But that is the trump card he will play, and he will win this game of poker, because I do not have the strength of mind to tell all of the people I know the truth behind the door.
And where is God? Where is the passage in the supposedly all-inclusive Bible stating "Oh and if your husband abuses you, then you can get divorced"? The Bible is surprisingly SILENT on the issue of abuse. Or maybe it is just "okay."
Let me tell you a little about my life and marriage. I got married at 19. It wasn't like I didn't expect the first year to be difficult, in most marriages it is a hard time of adjusting. But when is enough Enough? My husband and I moved to another state so he could go to college there, and I worked full time. We would get in fights and he would hit me, and I would fight back, and it would become a physical fight. After some months of this, I said to myself, "this is dumb, I am not going to do this anymore" so I stopped fighting back because it wasn't like I, a 97 pound female, was getting anywhere anyway. I just lay there and let it pass back then and it seemed all too often. If I got a particularly visible mark I would call in sick to work the next day, and a couple times when I didn't call in because it wasn't too bad I think my coworkers suspected something. But they never said anything. And I never said anything either.
I never said anything to anyone.
After 1 1/2 years of this, it faded to a rare occurance. I developed superior avoidance skills. I always knew when to stop talking or doing anything that would push him over the edge. I started threatening to call the police. (it would be easier to tell a stranger than someone I knew) Some combination of these things made him calm down to almost nothing. But something was broken between us. It was as if my image of him as a man fell off of a shelf in my heart and broke. Our marriage wasn't what it should be, it was a shell that remained for social expectations. It was there to make the right appearances at church. I never got close enough to anyone at church to tell them about any of this, but I did have a lot of friends. And I never hinted of it at all.
To me divorce was not an option. I committed for life. There were so many people out there who needed love and stability and if I divorced my husband it had the potential of pushing them away from God. I didn't want that, so I told myself that it wasn't about me, it was about them, because we were youth leaders. I could not be selfish.
Oh, but isn't that funny? Then comes the test. I failed, I am still a frail selfish human being. I had an affair. I fell in love with a guy who was my best friend, and I tried to ignore it for 6 months. Long and short, I was wrong. And it all came crashing down in June when I made the really stupid decisions.
It's back to abuse these days, only this time it is more mental than physical. He has told me he knows if he leaves any marks on me that I will show someone. So instead he slams me against the wall or grabs me my the shoulder and shakes, throws me on the ground, things that don't leave marks. Or he calls me a harlot. We need counseling. He won't go. He doesn't want to go talk to someone about "my problem." it is too embarrassing for him that I cheated on him.
I have finally told a few people, but not very many. Not my parents, but I need to.
I am leaving home soon, and I don't want to come back. I'm going somewhere where he can't find me just in case he goes psycho. I don't even want to come back if he begs...
I have heard all of the arguements saying "you cannot get divorced unless they cheat on you", and all of the arguements saying "even then, you should stay", but let me tell you what is really Enough. This is enough. Too much damage, too many scars.
And when I leave, what will happen? Every Christian in my life will condemn me because all that will come out is "she cheated on him and then got divorced" even though my plan is to be by myself not to run off and get married. But that is the trump card he will play, and he will win this game of poker, because I do not have the strength of mind to tell all of the people I know the truth behind the door.
And where is God? Where is the passage in the supposedly all-inclusive Bible stating "Oh and if your husband abuses you, then you can get divorced"? The Bible is surprisingly SILENT on the issue of abuse. Or maybe it is just "okay."
....
