It's so difficult to know if someone is the right person. And what if that person has lied before (about his faith) but you are rather sure he's telling the truth now. But then, is he really telling the truth or is he just leading you on? I know being a Christian does not include being a doormat, but how does one not hurt someone's feelings (if it comes to refusing) because that person has been a great friend? I think it's impossible...
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The Right Guy?
- Thread starter Flamefeathers
- Start date
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ImperialPhantom
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What aspect of his faith did he lie about? Personally, I am anal about lying, so that would have ended it for me immediately.
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
I believe the "let the one who is without sin cast the first stone" comes into play here. Especially if he's appologised.
CJ
CJ
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TerraSin makes a very good point. I have forgiven him, but find it difficult to trust him further.
He lied about being a Christian. We had an argument and in it we both said mean and hurtful things. One of those that he said was that he was actually an atheist (thereby rubbing it in my face that I hadn't known him that well).
After almost six months of not talking to each other, we've decided to try and become friends. I know that he would like to court me, but he has assured me that he is willing to wait until I trust him again before we really consider that option.
As to his lie about his faith, I believe him when he says that, at that point in time, he was struggling.
I guess I just made this thread for input from neutral parties. I've told him that I want to trust him again, so right now we talk - which is the best way to get to know anyone.
He lied about being a Christian. We had an argument and in it we both said mean and hurtful things. One of those that he said was that he was actually an atheist (thereby rubbing it in my face that I hadn't known him that well).
After almost six months of not talking to each other, we've decided to try and become friends. I know that he would like to court me, but he has assured me that he is willing to wait until I trust him again before we really consider that option.
As to his lie about his faith, I believe him when he says that, at that point in time, he was struggling.
I guess I just made this thread for input from neutral parties. I've told him that I want to trust him again, so right now we talk - which is the best way to get to know anyone.
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Hmmm... I guess I don't really get it. He lied about being an atheist, I'm assuming? I don't know a Christian who would ever say that just to "rub it in" to someone's face. That's pretty wild, wouldn't you say?
I don't know... just my opinion.
I don't know... just my opinion.
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Shazamataz
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It sounds like a really tough situation. I understand that it will be incredibly hard for you to trust him again. Maybe it would be best to just be friends until you can trust him again, and take it from there? Really get to know him first then see what happens? If its God's will for you guys to be together, then it will happen. No doubt about that.
As for hurt if you refuse him later on? Its inevitable.
As for hurt if you refuse him later on? Its inevitable.
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
The question is, was it just said in the heat of the moment or is he really an athiest? If A: then I would decide if it's worth working out and go from there. If B:, I would not attempt to take it further and just stop. Not because he isn't a believer (some people are against others dating non-believers here and while I agree it can lead to issues, I also know that there are good athiests in the world) but because he tried to use the single most important thing in your life, God, to get with you.
CJ
CJ
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ImperialPhantom
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Flamefeathers said:
That's pretty ridiculous of him. If he was lying then, I think he might still be lying. I would be 90% against giving him another chance romantically, unless you know for POSITIVE that he is being honest.
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Mskedi
Senior Veteran
I think the thing that would disturb me the most in that situation is that he threw some random information into an argument just to hurt you. That hints of many unpleasant arguments to come.
As far as trust... it's hard to rebuild. I wouldn't have trouble learning to trust him again as a friend, probably, but I would probably be unsuccessful trying to trust him in a relationship.
As far as trust... it's hard to rebuild. I wouldn't have trouble learning to trust him again as a friend, probably, but I would probably be unsuccessful trying to trust him in a relationship.
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*Nods* Yes, I've thought about both of those things.
We had a very bad argument. We've apologized and forgiven each other, but we are both just so...I guess cynical would be the right word?
I am rather sure that I don't want to, you know, do the whole dating/courting thing. I'm not so sure we are right for each other. Just because we click as friends doesn't mean we'd be able to be married to each other for years and years.
We had a very bad argument. We've apologized and forgiven each other, but we are both just so...I guess cynical would be the right word?
I am rather sure that I don't want to, you know, do the whole dating/courting thing. I'm not so sure we are right for each other. Just because we click as friends doesn't mean we'd be able to be married to each other for years and years.
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It's not good to rush for anything. Remain as friendship first I think it'd make you better knowing him & also you could gain your trust on him again, or... it could as well resulting adversely; hopefully when whatever the result is, things are getting clearer and transparent to you.
- just a humble opinion.
- just a humble opinion.
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Inperfected
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Best words I've heard in ages on here... My suggestion is wait as friends... but have him under the impression, it's a no for good. This way you truthfullly evaluate his character, and you aren't leading him on a string in the process...
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Yes, I definitely don't want to lead him on. He's a good person, and it would make me feel sick if I did so.
I've already told him, firmly, that I don't want to get back together. I don't plan to change my mind unless I verily and truly know that he's the right guy, the guy God would want for me to be with.
I've already told him, firmly, that I don't want to get back together. I don't plan to change my mind unless I verily and truly know that he's the right guy, the guy God would want for me to be with.
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