- Aug 28, 2017
- 176
- 103
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Atheist
- Marital Status
- Single
When I was a young Christian, I was taught that the world would one day end not long after Jesus came down from heaven to collect his followers. Being young and having an undeveloped mind, I really took this to heart and it wasn't in a good way.
I feared the idea of Jesus suddenly interrupting human life to impose his agenda in an overly-dramatic, highly-theatrical manner. I even had nightmares about it and it scared the crap out of me.
Here I was, just a little kid with a very anxious and curious mind. I had high hopes for my life. I couldn't wait to get out there and explore it. I could relate it to being at the entrance of a theme park, excited to experience the adventure that awaited you. Or starting a new video game were you couldn't wait to get past the linear, story-driven first half hour or so and explore the beautiful world at your own leisure.
There was so much I wanted to learn and do. So many places I wanted to see. I wanted to experience growing up and doing all the things I saw grown ups do. Yet the idea lingered over me that I would one day be robbed of my future and that it could happen at any instant.
I feared the rapture and would always get nervous whenever anyone would talk about it. I remember many times when I would just go to my room and sit there quietly while my mind tried to process the information and cope with the idea.
But eventually I started to learn about the world and how things really worked. The more I learned, the more that fear turned to anger. My hopes for my own life evolved into hopes for mankind. I was thrilled with the idea that we were exploring space and would one day reach the stars. Who the hell was god to take that away from us? That was my thought process.
The older I got, the more I opposed the idea of a rapture. I hated it. Though I still believed in God and a good chunk of the Bible, I was having trouble accepting the end-times that awaited us all. But in my mind, it WAS going to happen and there was nothing we could do to stop it. So I gave up.
I figured if God was going to judge this world and destroy everything, and if I was already saved because I accepted Jesus, then why should I care about my future? So I stopped caring.
I was about 13 when I realized this and it reflected in everything I did. From my attitude, to my schooling, to my social life. I didn't give a rat's hairless tail about any of it. I hated everyone and everything. I saw it as completely worthless and deserving of God's punishment.
Years later, after dropping out of school, picking up a criminal record, annihilating my social life and becoming a total hermit, I had a brush with attempted suicide. Details omitted for personal reasons.
After that, my life took a harsh downward spiral to the stone-cold bottom. This lasted a few years before I finally started to develope a secular mind. And once I did that, I found a freedom that I never knew existed. I was free to dream. Free to live. Free to rebuild my life. And that is what I've been doing ever since.
I'm not angry at myself for what I had to go through. I'm not angry at God. I'm not even angry at religion. But I will never again subject my mind to those doctrines. I have high hopes for the human race. I believe that we will one day explore the stars. If I was rich, I would fund that advancement as much as possible. I have high hopes for my life. I'm quietly working on climbing out of the hole I fell into and I feel better now than I've ever felt in my entire life.
I've heard from some people that the devil is confusing me. If that is true then i have one question for him: where the hell have you been all my life?
I feel free. I feel secure. I know I will die one day. I know the world will eventually come to an end. I know the universe will one day be destroyed. And I know that the only thing we can do about any of that is to live life as best as we can. Because these things will happen naturally and there is nothing we can do to convince nature to show us mercy. Just roll with it. Be the best you can be. Do what's right to everyone you meet and strive to be a good person.
If we do happen to get past the great filters that all intelligent life has to overcome, we can stand proud as a species who've conquered our existence. And if there is a God, I'm pretty sure he would be proud of us too.
I feared the idea of Jesus suddenly interrupting human life to impose his agenda in an overly-dramatic, highly-theatrical manner. I even had nightmares about it and it scared the crap out of me.
Here I was, just a little kid with a very anxious and curious mind. I had high hopes for my life. I couldn't wait to get out there and explore it. I could relate it to being at the entrance of a theme park, excited to experience the adventure that awaited you. Or starting a new video game were you couldn't wait to get past the linear, story-driven first half hour or so and explore the beautiful world at your own leisure.
There was so much I wanted to learn and do. So many places I wanted to see. I wanted to experience growing up and doing all the things I saw grown ups do. Yet the idea lingered over me that I would one day be robbed of my future and that it could happen at any instant.
I feared the rapture and would always get nervous whenever anyone would talk about it. I remember many times when I would just go to my room and sit there quietly while my mind tried to process the information and cope with the idea.
But eventually I started to learn about the world and how things really worked. The more I learned, the more that fear turned to anger. My hopes for my own life evolved into hopes for mankind. I was thrilled with the idea that we were exploring space and would one day reach the stars. Who the hell was god to take that away from us? That was my thought process.
The older I got, the more I opposed the idea of a rapture. I hated it. Though I still believed in God and a good chunk of the Bible, I was having trouble accepting the end-times that awaited us all. But in my mind, it WAS going to happen and there was nothing we could do to stop it. So I gave up.
I figured if God was going to judge this world and destroy everything, and if I was already saved because I accepted Jesus, then why should I care about my future? So I stopped caring.
I was about 13 when I realized this and it reflected in everything I did. From my attitude, to my schooling, to my social life. I didn't give a rat's hairless tail about any of it. I hated everyone and everything. I saw it as completely worthless and deserving of God's punishment.
Years later, after dropping out of school, picking up a criminal record, annihilating my social life and becoming a total hermit, I had a brush with attempted suicide. Details omitted for personal reasons.
After that, my life took a harsh downward spiral to the stone-cold bottom. This lasted a few years before I finally started to develope a secular mind. And once I did that, I found a freedom that I never knew existed. I was free to dream. Free to live. Free to rebuild my life. And that is what I've been doing ever since.
I'm not angry at myself for what I had to go through. I'm not angry at God. I'm not even angry at religion. But I will never again subject my mind to those doctrines. I have high hopes for the human race. I believe that we will one day explore the stars. If I was rich, I would fund that advancement as much as possible. I have high hopes for my life. I'm quietly working on climbing out of the hole I fell into and I feel better now than I've ever felt in my entire life.
I've heard from some people that the devil is confusing me. If that is true then i have one question for him: where the hell have you been all my life?
I feel free. I feel secure. I know I will die one day. I know the world will eventually come to an end. I know the universe will one day be destroyed. And I know that the only thing we can do about any of that is to live life as best as we can. Because these things will happen naturally and there is nothing we can do to convince nature to show us mercy. Just roll with it. Be the best you can be. Do what's right to everyone you meet and strive to be a good person.
If we do happen to get past the great filters that all intelligent life has to overcome, we can stand proud as a species who've conquered our existence. And if there is a God, I'm pretty sure he would be proud of us too.
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