The "R" Word

[Mr.Cheese]

Yep.

Coercing.

If a boyfriend does that, save your dad the trouble, grab your dad's shotgun and tell your boyfriend he can walk out the door of pass through the door in pieces.

Pressuring or coercing someone into sex is sick and wrong. This is an indication of someone who has anything but love for a girl.

 

[JPPT1974]

Rape is indeed 100%. We need to be careful about our circumstances as well as our actions and words.

 

[hazeleyes80]

Yes, it is rape, since she hasn't agreed to them having sex. Also, she was being psychologically pressured (one could say, blackmailed) into participating. Sadly, this is a situation which will only become worse if no further action is taken. The guy here is showing signs of being abusive and seeking power and control. Power and control are two key elements in abuse.

I think london boy hit the nail right on the head on this one. In my own experience (and in the experience of some of my friends) I've found that when that (or any) type of abuse is tolerated in any way, the abuse just gets worse, probably because the abuser thinks he/she will be able to get away with it. IMO, the woman you're talking about (whether it's you or someone else) should not only cut off all ties with this guy, she should report what happened to the police. I'm not going to try to give legal advice, but maybe you could ask a lawyer if a PFA (protection from abuse order) or a restraining order would be applicable to your situation? Just a thought.

 

[GL2814]

If that was my daughter, that dude would be dead as fried chicken. Why?? I'd raised my daughter a lot better than that. I'd know what kind of integrity I instilled in daughter. I'd castrate that boy with a golden spoon, and mail his nuts to his parents.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

No mean no, and no real man would manipulate his girlfriend (or wife) to have sex when they say no.

Diane

 

[Talie]

I agree this should be reported as a rape case.

I also think something has been overlooked here and that is that this girl needs to be counselled to respect her parents wishes. Clearly they had her best interests at heart when her father made the "no boys in the house" rule, yet she allowed her bf in - and i'm figuring it wasn't the first time (though obviously i could be wrong).

While she's living with her parents, and under their protection, she needs to know that there's a reason for the rules they enforce...and this situation is probably one of the very reasons her parents had in mind when making the rule.

I'm NOT saying it was her fault (i'm sure people will quickly jump to the conclusion that that's what i'm saying) i'm simply saying that someone shoudl gently talk to her (her parents will probalby be beyond the gental point when they find out what happened) about why she should listen to her parents advice - it's NOT wise for her to be in the house alone with a boy

 

[the_man]

Thinking about this further, I still think it is rape, but it's a trickier situation than I thought on face value. Expanding on Talie's points, the girl has some responsibility here. Disobeying her parents by allowing a boy in the house was her first grave mistake. But even then, she had a choice here: face the consequences of violating that house rule or allow this dofus to have her way with her. I highly doubt that her parents (dad especially) would have "killed her". But it has to be said from her decision, she thought that allowing this excuse for a man to have her way with her was the lesser of the two "evils".

 

[Sketcher]

Wasn't this girl afraid that the dad would kill the boyfriend instead of her? It's too bad when women continue to love scumbags like this.

I agree that the girl has some responsibility as to what she eventually agreed to do (just like I would be responsible if I had to kill someone else while I was at gunpoint myself). This does not lessen the boyfriend's responsibility for what he did to her, however. It is primarily his fault, and he must pay the penalty.

She clearly did not deserve to be treated the way she was. Yes, she made some mistakes, and those wrong choices need to be discreetly dealt with. But opening yourself up to an attack never justifies the attack.

 

[the_man]

Wasn't this girl afraid that the dad would kill the boyfriend instead of her?

Thanks for the correction. Should have given her more motivation to wait for her dad to come home and deal with him for putting her in such a situation.

 

[JPPT1974]

Also it would have helped to seek an second opinion and even advice from like a "date doctor" aka "Hitch" based on the movie of the same name.

 

[SallyNow]

The guy is a creep, and he needs to go to jail. He should be reported. He kept her confined in a room and did not take "no" as an answer.

The girl most likely needs some professional support, besides that of her friends and family.

The guy knows the father is unstable, and he should not threaten the girl with "sex with me or violence by your father".

The father is also obviously unstable. He needs some serious anger managment, if not more serious psychiatric help.

It would be a much different story if the guy and girl were watching TV, and the guy said, "hey, why don't we do it and then I'll leave before your dad gets home" and the girl decided that it would be better to have sex than face her dad's speech of "no boys in the house", and she did not say "no" at any time to the guy, but instead just decided it was better to have sex than be bothered by her dad. ( this is assuming all she would get was a grounding on Saturday night, or phone restrictions for a a few days, for breaking the rules. If her father was in any way violent emotionally or physically, as he was in the OP, then it was a threat for the guy to say he would not leave, and he was blackmailing her, which is illegal and abusive, and rape)

 

[christalee4]

I don't know if this is the right forum to post this in, but I would really like your thoughts..

If a guy comes over to his girlfriend's house and they start kidding around, and then he traps her in her bedroom and won't let her leave until she has sex with him, but he makes it all out to be some kind of game even though she keeps saying "no" and telling him to stop...and they both know that the girl's father will be home soon and there's a "no boys in the house" rule...and the boyfriend tells his girlfriend that if she doesn't have sex with him, he'll stay until her father comes home so she'll get in trouble...and she gets scared because she knows her father might literally kill her boyfriend if he finds him there...so she goes ahead and has sex with him...is that like some kind of rape or abuse?

Yes, I call it rape - it's non-consensual sex and it's rape. And it's a crime.

 

[JPPT1974]

Rape also means the "N" word. NO!! Against somebody's will! Not looking for it at all.

 

[Tink]

Rape. Period.

In His love,
Tink

 

[soyness]

one word: rape

 

[shazabella]

Were they already involved in a sexual relationship?

If they were already having sex, the guy may have just THOUGHT he was kidding around and stuff when in reality it probably wasn't that great of an idea.

If they WEREN'T having sex already....then, yeah it kinda is some sort of "abuse".

It doesn't matter how many times she consented before - the instant he didn't listen to her it becomes non consentual and if he continues it is called date rape.

praying that she gets the help she needs

- Shaz

 

[Niels]

Your friend should definitely report her rapist to the authorities. And yes, that's what he is, a rapist. Something similar happened to a female friend of mine. She was date raped by a friend of her brother. It makes me sick to think she was subjected to that kind of thing. No means no. If a guy won't take no for an answer, it's rape. She is not at fault, he is.

 

[Maeyken]

"no" means "no" whether it's in a game or not. It doesn't matter whether they've had a sexual relationship in the past either. She said no, and he needs to respect that.

 

[JPPT1974]

It doesn't matter how many times she consented before - the instant he didn't listen to her it becomes non consentual and if he continues it is called date rape.

praying that she gets the help she needs

- Shaz

Praying she seeks medical help as well as Christian counseling!