The Question?

[wildthing]

WHY? is that my friend and I cannot find dates in our mature singles group. Both of us have ok jobs both of us because of our jobs have to keep really physical and mental fit. Both of us have done mission trips and have done voluteer work in missions around the city... We have another friend who get dates all the time in the same group he is about 40lbs over weight doesn't work and spend must of his free time either eating or playing computer games. My friend and I have come up that mature women love overweight "lazy" guys, who will just sit on a couch and watch TV...
Whats your take?

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Good question WT,


Granted, I know I'm only 30 so I don't know where I fit into the "mature category" but I like guys that are comfortable with who they are and are not out to "impress the ladies" (you know what I mean). Someone that is down to earth, unpretenious, and can take of himself (financially). These qualities can come in many forms (overweight X-box player to the physically fit missionary ).

Maybe this guy is putting himself out there more so he's not afraid to ask a women out (I know I prefer the guy to ask me out). He may also be asking out a vareity of women (increase chances of getting a "yes) as opposed to just stickiing to one particular type of woman. Maybe he's just giviing off a "vibe" that says he's fun, easy going, and someone worth getting to know. Its really hard to say...

Although having a job is a deal breaker with me (I don't care what your line of work is - as long as you have a job). I don't have any kids and do not plan to start with a 30 something year old man as one either.

Don't give up though.

 

[soblessed53]

My take is that for the most part, the overweight,lazy men are the only ones who even consider mature women. The mature men who take care of themselves,for the most part go chasing after gold-digging- bubblegummers! Their egos are so huge that they think they are too "hot" for women their own age,yet they are too ignorant to ever question why a young woman in her prime would even want someone 15,20, even 30 years older than herself! SURPRISE when they find out she has a boyfriend her own age on the side,SHEEZ! Thank God some mature single women are not so desperate that they would "settle",and instead settle into contentment of the freedom of singleness and not the misery of a lousy relationship,just to say they have someone. I look at the strength a single woman has when she realizes with Jesus she is never alone,and that she can be a complete person without a man.Going to movies or restuarants unescorted, when we are not with our lady friends,really is only as big a deal as you allow it to be. So that is MHO

 

[kisstheson]

WOW Soblessed!


That was excellent advice! Have you ever considered having your own talk show like doctor Laura on the radio, or doctor Phil on TV? Whoa!

 

[soblessed53]

ROTFL,kisstheson naw,I've just seen what every other woman can see with her own eyes.The sad fact is that is a very big part of the reason that there are so few single and desirable, men available over age 30,is because they are going after women so much younger than themselves. Unfortunately, from what I have seen in 8 years of singleness and I have said this before, most men want SEX,a NURSE,or a PURSE or as much of all 3 they can get, with as little committment as possible from themselves! They all have an agenda anymore. That is why I decided I am so much better off without one.

 

[Jenster]

WHY? is that my friend and I cannot find dates in our mature singles group. Both of us have ok jobs both of us because of our jobs have to keep really physical and mental fit. Both of us have done mission trips and have done voluteer work in missions around the city... We have another friend who get dates all the time in the same group he is about 40lbs over weight doesn't work and spend must of his free time either eating or playing computer games. My friend and I have come up that mature women love overweight "lazy" guys, who will just sit on a couch and watch TV...
Whats your take?

My take is that the women in your mature-singles group are bizarre.

Seriously, based on the qualities you describe, I would think that you and your friend would be the desireable ones, not the couch potato.

My latest hypothesis is that attracting the opposite sex has a lot to do with social skill -- more than any of the important internal qualities. This is based on observation. People want to be around people who make them feel comfortable. And that "rule" of dating favors certain extroverted people.

We can talk allllll we want about developing good character - which is completely important for a lasting vital marriage - but to get to marriage, we have to learn to be "date-able." That means available, inoffensive, easy to talk with and pleasing to others.

I'm not saying that this is morally correct -- that dating is dependent on social skill -- I just think that it's pretty much the way things work. There are plenty of people whose character is less-than-stellar, and yet they're married. There are plenty of people who are excellent role models, yet they are single.

So, that's my conclusion, wildthing. I hope you don't give up trying to find someone. That would be a shame.

 

[Mark2010]

Hmmm, interesting. I haven't date in a while because it seems like everyone I meet is either unavailable (married, dating someone else, etc.), lives too far away or not interesting.

 

[wildthing]

My take is that the women in your mature-singles group are bizarre.

Seriously, based on the qualities you describe, I would think that you and your friend would be the desireable ones, not the couch potato.

My latest hypothesis is that attracting the opposite sex has a lot to do with social skill -- more than any of the important internal qualities. This is based on observation. People want to be around people who make them feel comfortable. And that "rule" of dating favors certain extroverted people.

We can talk allllll we want about developing good character - which is completely important for a lasting vital marriage - but to get to marriage, we have to learn to be "date-able." That means available, inoffensive, easy to talk with and pleasing to others.

I'm not saying that this is morally correct -- that dating is dependent on social skill -- I just think that it's pretty much the way things work. There are plenty of people whose character is less-than-stellar, and yet they're married. There are plenty of people who are excellent role models, yet they are single.

So, that's my conclusion, wildthing. I hope you don't give up trying to find someone. That would be a shame.

social skills are important and i understand that. After watching this guy for the past few week I have come up with this. He is a loud mouth I was talk to another guy last sunday i could hear him bellowing about something. It seem that a someone did something that he had a problem with. Whats the social grace in being able to bellowering?

Then while talking to this gal she said that, we will call him Tom, that tom was the perfect guy he is content on being over weight the other guys that are thin are always watching what thy eat, watch porition size and keeping active. I just love a guy who can sit around and do nothing. Whereas the thin guys are out doing stuff. Hmmmmmmmmmmm! Thin guys are way to Hyper!

 

[Jenster]

social skills are important and i understand that. After watching this guy for the past few week I have come up with this. He is a loud mouth I was talk to another guy last sunday i could hear him bellowing about something. It seem that a someone did something that he had a problem with. Whats the social grace in being able to bellowering?

Then while talking to this gal she said that, we will call him Tom, that tom was the perfect guy he is content on being over weight the other guys that are thin are always watching what thy eat, watch porition size and keeping active. I just love a guy who can sit around and do nothing. Whereas the thin guys are out doing stuff. Hmmmmmmmmmmm! Thin guys are way to Hyper!

Hm...wildthing. After THAT description of "tom" I am even more baffled as to why he's getting dates!

 

[Craft]

sounds like he is outgoing and not unwilling to take the risk of asking women out, but... how many of the women go out with him a second time?

 

[stepha1]

I am late to all of this and probably going way off but I had to give my take on things. I am divorced with two kids. I have an ok job as well and like to be physically active. I find it very hard to get a date. I do think though part of my problem is looking to hard. When I have gotten dates it is with someone I have no business dating. I am now focusing more on letting God lead the way for me. I hope and do pray that I will find a wonderful man who is acceptiong of an imperfect women because aren't we all imperfect. I have friends who appear happy in their single life and I want that but I don't want to be so comfortable in my single life that I never find that one person or I let that person pass me by. I am hoping that Christian Forum will help me to know that I am not alone- others share similar concerns and life issues. It does look that way so far. One thing is don't get too fustratated as hard as it is- believe me I am as impatient as they come (ask my daughter). This is something I pray about daily and make a conscious effort to overcome (impatience and fustration).

 

[FlatpickingJD]

wildthing, I'd suspect that it has to do w/confidence more than anything else. If he's comfortable w/himself, that's an attractive quality for ladies, regardless of how unappealing physically he may be.

As for the comments about "mature men" not wanting to date "mature women," I don't agree at all. I don't date women a lot younger than me because I don't have much in common w/them. Same at the other end of the spectrum: not much in common w/women much older than me. I have maybe a 5 or 6 yr range in either direction.

You might also consider that some of us have never been married and want kids, which the "older" woman may either not want or not want to do again. MHO.

 

[wildthing]

wildthing, I'd suspect that it has to do w/confidence more than anything else. If he's comfortable w/himself, that's an attractive quality for ladies, regardless of how unappealing physically he may be.

As for the comments about "mature men" not wanting to date "mature women," I don't agree at all. I don't date women a lot younger than me because I don't have much in common w/them. Same at the other end of the spectrum: not much in common w/women much older than me. I have maybe a 5 or 6 yr range in either direction.

You might also consider that some of us have never been married and want kids, which the "older" woman may either not want or not want to do again. MHO.

I think it really comes down to the fact that boorish behivor is accepted by these women. hey they want someone who has as little activity as possible. if he willing to sit and veg out for the evening fine, the more vegging the better. The main fact is that these wofolk want a lazy guy. Sorry I'm not it.

the other fact that I have learn from these wofolk is that they are lazy. They consider a good physical activity something that involves watching TV or going to the mall. they spend hours on Saturday going from one shop to anther not buying anything. The bad point is that it could be in a middle of a snow storm and they have this idea that they wanted to go shopping for nothing (yes one even totaled a new car trying to get to the store once).

 

[MMXII]

WHY? is that my friend and I cannot find dates in our mature singles group. Both of us have ok jobs both of us because of our jobs have to keep really physical and mental fit. Both of us have done mission trips and have done voluteer work in missions around the city... We have another friend who get dates all the time in the same group he is about 40lbs over weight doesn't work and spend must of his free time either eating or playing computer games. My friend and I have come up that mature women love overweight "lazy" guys, who will just sit on a couch and watch TV...
Whats your take?

I don't know about the women in your singles group or why they go out with your "lazy" friend instead of you. It sounds like you and your friend have a lot going for you and most women that I know would rather date someone that has ambition, love the Lord and have jobs. My advice, have patience...God ain't finished with you yet.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

I don't know about the women in your singles group or why they go out with your "lazy" friend instead of you. It sounds like you and your friend have a lot going for you and most women that I know would rather date someone that has ambition, love the Lord and have jobs. My advice, have patience...God ain't finished with you yet.

As usual, great advice from MMXII. Hang in there, brothers.

 

[covenantwmn]

wildthing, I'd suspect that it has to do w/confidence more than anything else. If he's comfortable w/himself, that's an attractive quality for ladies, regardless of how unappealing physically he may be.

Exactly.

 

[SandyLou]

My take is that for the most part, the overweight,lazy men are the only ones who even consider mature women. The mature men who take care of themselves,for the most part go chasing after gold-digging- bubblegummers! Their egos are so huge that they think they are too "hot" for women their own age,yet they are too ignorant to ever question why a young woman in her prime would even want someone 15,20, even 30 years older than herself! SURPRISE when they find out she has a boyfriend her own age on the side,SHEEZ!

*lol*
Amen, sistah!

 

[krstlros]

For my take on this, and through my own experience, it's really difficult for a woman my age to approach an exceedingly good looking guy, who I might think wouldn't give a person my age a second thought. Past images and experiences is difficult to overcome, so that might be another factor.

Another thought came to me is, have you and your friend approached the women in your singles group? Maybe, they're waiting for you to make the first move for the reason I've mentioned. Your approachability may not radate as much as you may think. Who knows, maybe if you walk up to them and say "hello" you'll find out they've been waiting for just that. A 'Hello".

 

[wildthing]

For my take on this, and through my own experience, it's really difficult for a woman my age to approach an exceedingly good looking guy, who I might think wouldn't give a person my age a second thought. Past images and experiences is difficult to overcome, so that might be another factor.

Another thought came to me is, have you and your friend approached the women in your singles group? Maybe, they're waiting for you to make the first move for the reason I've mentioned. Your approachability may not radate as much as you may think. Who knows, maybe if you walk up to them and say "hello" you'll find out they've been waiting for just that. A 'Hello".

Yeah we have made multable approaches on these "babes" Did make approach and both of were cut down...One gal even said to me that I would be perfect if I would gain about 50 lbs, Let see I'm 165 now that would mean 215. No way!!!

 

[VozNocturna]

And this is why I stay clear away from singles groups.

Is the purpose of a singles groups to hook up or to study the Word?

Perhaps you are not finding women because you have misplaced objectives! Singles groups are not/should not be meatmarkets. They are a safe place for people to fellowship without feeling preyed upon. Women and men can detect when people of the opposite sex have an agenda.

I guess it's also sad that this guy is dating various women in the group--it sounds like incestuous dating.

I think you should relax, enjoy the fellowship of your group and stop worrying about finding a date/wife. She will come, if it is God's will. And you won't have to date15 women in your singles group to find her.