The Question?

[wildthing]

And this is why I stay clear away from singles groups.

Is the purpose of a singles groups to hook up or to study the Word?

Perhaps you are not finding women because you have misplaced objectives! Singles groups are not/should not be meatmarkets. They are a safe place for people to fellowship without feeling preyed upon. Women and men can detect when people of the opposite sex have an agenda.

I guess it's also sad that this guy is dating various women in the group--it sounds like incestuous dating.

I think you should relax, enjoy the fellowship of your group and stop worrying about finding a date/wife. She will come, if it is God's will. And you won't have to date15 women in your singles group to find her.

Right!!! In that case i will go to bar and pick up what ever comes along.

Actually I find that most of the Single group thing are filled up with dreg of singles, me included. Most of the gals are looking for sugar daddy.

Whats wrong with dating 15 gals...That sure would be something to look forward to. Note I didn't say having sex with...

 

[VozNocturna]

I'm certainly not suggesting that you go to a bars or clubs to pick up women.

What I'm saying is that you go with the purpose of fellowship, fun and spiritual growth and let the dating stuff fall into place as God sees fit. People can pick up on an attitude of desperation, which is often pervasive in singles groups. It is a turn off. Single groups are being marketed as Bible studies when they are really dating clubs in many cases.

I'm also not suggesting that you not date anyone in your group. What I'm suggesting is that you be thoughtful in your approach and not look at every chick that crosses your path as a dating opportunity.

Stable women can pick up on that stuff and it is a turn off to any woman who is not desperate (the ones who are just as desperate will go along with it because they are playing the same game). Stable men are equally turned off by desperate single women who pounce on the first available guy in their singles group and are quick to claim his as their husband because "the Lord said".

Forgive me for being picky and wanting to feel unique, but I personally don't want to date someone who has dated 15 women in the same group before me.

I befriended a guy, who as it turns out, had dated and proposed to a woman (with tears, begging and the works) in the young adults group (twenties and thirties) group I attended. I found out from her that the same tactics he used on her, he was using on me. It turned me off and I quickly cut him off. The situation made me feel like a rebound and like he was just looking for someone that he could stamp with "wife" on the forehead.

 

[Jenster]

I befriended a guy, who as it turns out, had dated and proposed to a woman (with tears, begging and the works) in the young adults group (twenties and thirties) group I attended. I found out from her that the same tactics he used on her, he was using on me. It turned me off and I quickly cut him off. The situation made me feel like a rebound and like he was just looking for someone that he could stamp with "wife" on the forehead.

Good thing you were wise to his ways, VozNocturna!

I think finding that "special someone" all boils down to compatibility and readiness, anyway. No amount of "techniques" will substitute for genuine shared interests, sense of humor and outlook on life. In the long run, I mean. And, assuming people are dating for the long run, not just to have fun dating. I suppose dating "techniques" can work in the short run.

I have mixed feelings about singles fellowships. If I feel uncomfortable in one because of someone hitting on me, I may not go back. But, I value fellowships too, because there are a lot of people earnestly seeking to grow spiritually and be like Christ.

Right now, I'm in a fellowship group, and one of my small group leaders (we're divided into small groups for discussions, etc.) keeps trying to get my attention. It's been uncomfortable. I wish he would just chill out and let things flow. If we're compatible, I think it will be obvious - we'll have things to talk about, conversation will be easy, etc. But you can't force a relationship.