The 'protective' instinct...

[Redguard]

So, as parents, we all want to keep are kids protected from harm, right? This thread is just me expressing the feelings that I get overcome with whenever I see someone hurting my kid. Feel free to share your similar feelings, if any.

I've always thought of myself as a passive person... stay cool, stay calm, etc.

I brought my 24 month old daughter to a new daycare today. It's her first 'real' daycare since she's now around other kids her own age and a large social setting.

As I stood in the room for the first few minutes watching how she was going to adapt, I noticed that one kid, named Quentin, decided that he was going to target my daughter. When she climbed on top of a slide, he tried to push her down. When she walked over to something else, he pushed her in the face. I yelled at him and told him not to push. I could feel my heart starting to race with adrenaline.

The kid continued to bully my daughter by grabbing away every single toy that she picked up. The daycare provider said that the boy probably had a crush on her and didn't know how else to display his affection. But he was also bullying around some other kids. My daughter started crying and so I called her over, gave her a hug and a kiss, and then I whispered in her ear, "If anyone pushes you, punch them in the face".

I know, I know... WRONG thing to say. (She wouldn't understand me anyway). It's just that she's not accustomed to this, and she doesn't have any brothers or sisters so she's never had to fight for anything. She doesn't even know how to punch or hurt anyone. I felt like I was leaving her in a jungle or something. I don't want her to be a victim of bullying.

Something similar happened on Saturday. I decided to bring her to the park to play... I also turned it into a bit of a photography session. She was on the see-saw (or teeter-totter, depending on your preference). A little girl, about 6 yrs old, came and started shaking the see-saw very wildly while my daugter was on it and ended up causing her to bump her chin really hard. I yelled out at her to stop, but my daughter was already hurt. I wanted to grab that kid and shake her and ask her what on earth she was thinking.

All these feelings of protection and anger have just grown so intensely within me. I'm worried I might actually smack someone's kid one day and end up in jail.

 

[EmSchmem]

While I think there is definately a need at some point to have kids work things out for themselves and that you can not protect them from it TOO much (they have to learn to stand up to bullies and such) I definately understand the feeling

 

[andiesmama]

I know, I know....it's hard to watch your child interact with other kids, especially when your kid is on the "negative" receiving end of something...this kind of stuff has happened with us at the playground & at McD's playland...someone bigger than Andie will try to keep her off the slide or whatever, not let her go through the tunnel, stuff like that...I usually just sit on my hands & bite my tongue to see how Andie's going to handle herself, & she usually does pretty good! She'll stand up for herself but if she sees it's not getting her anywhere, she turns the other cheek & goes to something else.

I've not run into watching another kid push Andie or hurt her, though...I'm afraid in that instance my temper would get the best of me! If something like that happened in the park, I'd be intent on finding the parent or whoever was supposed to be watching the other kid so they would be aware of what happened....that, and the next day enroll Andie in karate or something!!

 

[selune]

Considering your child is but a mere 2 years old, I see no problem in helping her out, especially in the case of the 6 year old terror. Your daughter needs to know that an adult will protect her if she is in danger. In the case of the boy at the slide pushing, I'd ask the care provider what would happen if the child pushes your daughter off the slide and she gets a serious injury. Is the daycare ready to pay for her medical expenses? That is irresponsible behavior on the part of the care provider and it should be called to task. Sure, kids should learn to take care of situations themselves, but it sounded like your daughter was doing that by moving to alternative play and was being (for lack of a better word) stalked and bullied. That behavior should be dealt with. For instance, tmie out for said offender. No offense to you, but I'd consider looking into another place to have your child if the staff there doesn't take these concerns seriously Best wishes.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

I know, I know... WRONG thing to say.

I'm worried I might actually smack someone's kid one day and end up in jail.

Hehe I hear ya brother.... man do I ever hear ya... I've wanted to drop kick kids into another state I've gotten so hacked off at em, more importantly that their parents let em, ya know they sit there an watch an don't do anythin bout it.

Ya says uh.... uh yeah ya says that it was the wrong they to say.... ermmm well I donno bout that hehe I mean we wanna protect our kids an uh well since we cain't do it oursefs then we should equip our kids to take care of it themsefs.

Yes I know whatchya mean by bein the wrong thin to say an yeah I do agree...... buuuuuut hehe this reminds me back bunch of years ago, I was an assitant coach at a school for 1st an 2nd graders.... well my own sister was in the second grade class an while the kids are all gittin ready to go back to class an puttin their shoes back on an what not, my sister comes runnin over to me "coach coach, so an so is kickin my boots" So's... bein my sister an thinkin she'll use er brain an stop botherin me wit this particular problem I jes say "well go beat em up" I went on back to gittin this an that done when out of a corner there's all this hollarin as my sister is stompin a livin mud hole into this boy who must be 3 times er size an I mean she's stompin this guy, he's cryin an tryin to git away from her an people are hollarin, bout time my boss comes out an he breaks it up an all my sister could say was "but coach told me to" Man I was so embarrased an my sister was ticked when she got lunch detention, she was jes ticked, I kept tryin to give er looks like I'm so very sorry but way to go to!

Since I handled lunch detention I jes had er show up an then let er go back to play but now that other boy..... lol I wish I could say I did the right thin an let em go to buuuuuuutt... I sorta made em sit there for a few etc mins jes so's he'd know that I'd kill em given half a chance LOL

That brings me to sumthin else. My daughter an I play rough an I mean rough, so much that er maw doesn't wanna play wit er cause how rough she is, I've had to tone it down a bit cause she was jes gittin spittin mean but when she was all of I guess 12 months or so we took er to play wit another baby jes couple days difference in age. Well this other baby jes kept smackin on er an all an my daughter was jes gittin upset wit this. So anyway, 6 months later they git togeather again an the first thin my daughter did was walk up to this kid an jes smack er in the back of the head. I bout died, this kid started cryin an before er mama could git to er my daughter gave er a hug an all was fine. So now my daughter jes sets folks up straight, this is the way it's gonna be an if ya don't like it I'll stomp ya! LOL I know it's really not funny, it's not sumthin I should encourage buuuuuuttt... I mean who's chest doesn't swell up jes a bit when ya kids hold their own against someone else?

 

[Zoomer]

I know how you feel. We were at the park last month and this little boy probably about 3 grab my daughter, who is 4, by the neck. He had was pulling her backward by the neck and my 2 year old son ran up to him and yelled at him. He then hit my son. My son looked so confused. He started running and this little boy chasing him down and pushed him face first into the dirt. I have never seen such anger and hostility in a 3 year old. By the time I got to them, he was pinning my son down. I had no idea what to do, I didn't want to grab someone else child. However, this behavior was atrocious, and no one was watching this boy. I told him to get off my son, he didn't listen so I pulled him off my son and asked who his mother was. He didn't answer and ran off to wrestle with some older girl and boy. Not 2 minutes later, he was hurt and crying and I couldn't help but think that he got what he deserved. It turns out he was part of a daycare group at the park. I kept telling my son to avoid the boy but he went up to him and told him his name and asked if he wanted to be friends. My two year old had more forgiveness in his heart for this boy that hurt him, then I did.
Still, this child was unruly and undisciplined. It makes me so angry that some parents do not know how to raise a well mannered child.

 

[lucypevensie]

There are times when you kick yourself for not stepping in. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what to do. I was at the park recently with my 7 yo daughter and she had struck up a "friendship" with another girl who was being really bossy and (I thought) obnoxious. Anyway, they were both hanging on the monkey bars when the other girl said "you want to play chicken?"
"What's chicken"
"It's when we both hang from the bars and try to get the other person down with our legs."
"OK!"
Why didn't I put a stop to this immediately
So, of course, the girl immediately grabs my daughter with both legs and is pulling her off the bars. Again, why didn't I step in??? I suppose I was thinking DD would just let go and walk away from the girl, you know, handle it the right way. Nope, my daughter landed on her back and looked up kind of confused. THEN I got mad. I went over there and told the girl NEVER do that again. She went home then. DD said her back hurt.

I should have stepped in and protected my own kid sooner. I learned that's it's better to take a chance and make myself look stupidly overprotective than to sit back and wonder (and worry) about what might happen if I don't step in. Live and learn!

 

[I can eat 50 eggs]

oh boy do I here ya.

I am no longer allowed to take my son to the indoor playground at the mall. (my wifes rule) she's afraid I'll get arrested there.

the first incident was when my son was 18 months old, he had just started walking, and was holding on to the side of a very large fire truck there, when this kid that's about 6 jumps off the top of the thing, right on top of him. I got over there and yanked the kid off of my son by his long greasy hair, which of course sends him yelling. His mother comes over, and starts to yell at me, but I turned around and told her what had happened, and threated demonstrate by jumping off the firetruck onto her, or her little heathen, whichever she prefered.

that was the milder of the 2....

 

[Katydid]

Yup, what is the worst is when the parents try to excuse the behavior. My 7 yr. old had to go to the optometrist and he got his eyes dilated, so they gave him those goofy sunglasses. Well, my 3 yr. old wanted some to so they gave them to him as well. We go to the bookstore (very small on post one) and they have a children's corner. I told the boys to sit there and read their books. I am about 2 rows away and I hear my 3 yr. old scream and before I got there, heard my 7 yr. old saying "just say please and he might let you see, you don't be grabbing from him, that's wrong". When I got up there, there is this kid, about 8 yrs. old trying to grab those goofy glasses off of my 3 yr. old. I said, calmly, "back off". He looked at me and said, "your son is selfish, and I am bigger so he has to do what I say". I looked right at him and said, "back off now, he doesn't have to do what you say, he has to do what I say". The kid sits down and proceeds to say to me, "you need to raise your kids right, they are spoiled". I looked right at this kid and said, "I am not about to argue child rearing with a CHILD!". Turn around and we are in line and this kid is with his grandmother and starts HITTING my 7 yr. old, actually he was going for my 3 yr. old but my 7 yr. old stood in the way. His grandmother looks at me and says, "I am sorry but he is ADHD", I told her, "This started back in the children's corner", that is all I said. Then she turns and is looking at her book and the boy goes, "grandma, isn't it right that if I am bigger they have to do what I say, isn't that right". Well, sure enough, grandma goes, "yes honey uh huh." Of course she didn't hear what he was saying because she was too involved in her own stuff, but anyway. He goes and looks at my son and says, "I said give me the glasses, I am bigger, do what I SAID". I looked at his granmother and said, "Are you going to possibly take care of this". She said, "well, I can't he is ADHD and I can't punish him when he isn't in control of his own actions". OH BOY!!! I flat out told her, "Maybe if you would punish him occasionally, he would find the ability to BE IN CONTROL of his actions". She rolled her eyes and walked over to the next cashier and started venting to her, she said, "well, she has a point". The cashier I went to gave me a discount for the books and thanked me.

 

[selune]

Hoo boy, I think you handled that well. It's hard to have adults give up all responsibility for the children in their care. My most hated phrase is "Boys will be boys" to excuse hurtful behavior. I've had so many people tell me that when a child gets hurt and the offender won't apologize or sympathize. I understand that some kids play rougher, but when there's an injury, there needs to be some accountability.

 

[lucypevensie]

Yup, what is the worst is when the parents try to excuse the behavior. My 7 yr. old had to go to the optometrist and he got his eyes dilated, so they gave him those goofy sunglasses. Well, my 3 yr. old wanted some to so they gave them to him as well. We go to the bookstore (very small on post one) and they have a children's corner. I told the boys to sit there and read their books. I am about 2 rows away and I hear my 3 yr. old scream and before I got there, heard my 7 yr. old saying "just say please and he might let you see, you don't be grabbing from him, that's wrong". When I got up there, there is this kid, about 8 yrs. old trying to grab those goofy glasses off of my 3 yr. old. I said, calmly, "back off". He looked at me and said, "your son is selfish, and I am bigger so he has to do what I say". I looked right at him and said, "back off now, he doesn't have to do what you say, he has to do what I say". The kid sits down and proceeds to say to me, "you need to raise your kids right, they are spoiled". I looked right at this kid and said, "I am not about to argue child rearing with a CHILD!". Turn around and we are in line and this kid is with his grandmother and starts HITTING my 7 yr. old, actually he was going for my 3 yr. old but my 7 yr. old stood in the way. His grandmother looks at me and says, "I am sorry but he is ADHD", I told her, "This started back in the children's corner", that is all I said. Then she turns and is looking at her book and the boy goes, "grandma, isn't it right that if I am bigger they have to do what I say, isn't that right". Well, sure enough, grandma goes, "yes honey uh huh." Of course she didn't hear what he was saying because she was too involved in her own stuff, but anyway. He goes and looks at my son and says, "I said give me the glasses, I am bigger, do what I SAID". I looked at his granmother and said, "Are you going to possibly take care of this". She said, "well, I can't he is ADHD and I can't punish him when he isn't in control of his own actions". OH BOY!!! I flat out told her, "Maybe if you would punish him occasionally, he would find the ability to BE IN CONTROL of his actions". She rolled her eyes and walked over to the next cashier and started venting to her, she said, "well, she has a point". The cashier I went to gave me a discount for the books and thanked me.

That's unbelievable! :o