The problem with romantic relationships

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Theres a lot of places I could begin but I'll start with the fact you will inevitably get tired of the person you are with. What do you do once you see the person as they really are and not what you hoped they were?

How will you find time for God when romantic relationships require a significant majority of your time?

Why spend time for something that doesn't last forever when you could get a head start on building heavenly treasures with your heavenly father that does last forever?

Romantic relationships are meaningless. I'm sure king Solomon would agree with me. All relationships do is distract you from what matters, which is what lasts, the immaterial.

I made this thread to encourage people who aren't in relationships or who don't think they will ever get in one that theres something you could aim for that doesn't distract you from something much more valuable than a temporary relationship.

I feel like being in a relationship is like taking the blue pill and isn't real. I feel like if you really want to serve the Lord remember you can't serve two masters and you have the opportunity to go all in and get a head start on building up heavenly treasures and what could be more meaningful than that?

Choosing singleness so you can be with God as much as you can seems like a much more valuable and meaningful way to live. I feel spiritually heightened being single compared to when I was in a relationship where I devoted a significant amount of time that would have produced a larger harvest had it been serving and engaging in fellowship with the Lord .

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

You take the outlook from the Ecclesiastes POV and I'll keep the perspective of The Song of songs and 1 Corinthians 13. Kthnx

 

[bèlla]

There’s little need to take a pessimistic view of love or relationships. If singleness is satisfying, pursue its fruits to the fullest. But for those called to marriage something else awaits.

A partnership founded by God and imbued with mutual love, honor, and respect. A confidant who longs to hear your hopes and fears and helps you through them. The friend who sticks closer than a brother and desires you warts and all. A vessel for pouring and reception that nourishes and satisfies each. All these things and more are found in love’s domain.

We must guard against demeaning holy institutions due to human failings. God’s works are flawless. The unions He establishes are made to last. Works of the flesh are not.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Niels]

If more people had a realistic view of human motivations and failings, we could avoid a world of hurt. We would also have more time for other things. To that extent, I agree.

I'm not opposed to relationships, however. I just know what's important to me and when I don't find that I'm better off single.

 

[VMaeLove]

There is a balance to every thing, and it is different for every one.

I know a couple who is very happy, together for 12 years, they only see themselves on weekends. Not even every one!

 

[Petros2015]

Romantic relationships are meaningless. I'm sure king Solomon would agree with me.

1 Kings 11

1 King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh's daughter--Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites.
2 They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, "You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods." Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.
3 He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.

"I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now,
my oh my"
~U2, Stuck in a Moment

I'm not sure, I think he may have been doing it wrong. Sounds like he took the whole Office of Foreign Affairs thing too seriously...? I'm not sure where this left time for domestic policy...

 

[Lost4words]

Many are more suited to being single just like many are more suited to being in a relationship.

 

[bèlla]

But the evil spirit answered them, “Jesus I know, and Paul I recognize, but who are you?” —Acts 19:15

God never said "you will inevitably get tired of the person you are with..."
Christ never said it.
Paul never said it.
Nor did Peter.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. —Proverbs 16:9

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[GospelS]

@ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

Thanks for sharing. I see what God is teaching you right now. He is at work. So I praise God for that.

I believe most of us have been through that period where singleness is what God wants for you for a season. That is how some would feel for a time until God teaches you something else, as and when He changes the season for you.

I would say- Keep walking with God. Your feeling might be what you really need for now. He will show you greater things in His timing and you might see the blessing in the problems that romantic relationships bring. I would be careful not to say more.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Oh, I went through this phase ... I went through it for years in fact - you could say I'm STILL coming out of it.

Fact: what's relevant today, will NOT be relevant tomorrow. Because nothing and no one ever stays the same.

And trust me on this: once the fruit has been harvested, and the miles have be travelled twice over, (and the bucket list has been LONG ticked off) you'll be an evolved version of yourself. What will that look like? You don't know. But it won't be *this* version of you.

I've enjoyed single life, but I understand NOW that I'd be doing myself a huge disservice to follow the same philosophy I had at 25 - the philosophy that is pretty much the OP to a T. Because there's a difference between being fiercely independent and just straight up mule headed.

A 'collaboration' on life doesn't mean "us" or "my other half" - it doesn't even have to resemble the traditional image of marriage. For me, it'll probably look more like a powerful painting - something mutually energy giving and inspirational (and fun, can't forget that.)

Timing is everything. Your spirit needs to go through many shifts and changes before the idea of a romantic relationship makes sense. (Especially if you've been single a long time.)

Come back and reply to this in five years or so. See if I'm right.

 

[Psalm 27]

Theres a lot of places I could begin but I'll start with the fact you will inevitably get tired of the person you are with. What do you do once you see the person as they really are and not what you hoped they were?

How will you find time for God when romantic relationships require a significant majority of your time?

Why spend time for something that doesn't last forever when you could get a head start on building heavenly treasures with your heavenly father that does last forever?

Romantic relationships are meaningless. I'm sure king Solomon would agree with me. All relationships do is distract you from what matters, which is what lasts, the immaterial.

I made this thread to encourage people who aren't in relationships or who don't think they will ever get in one that theres something you could aim for that doesn't distract you from something much more valuable than a temporary relationship.

I feel like being in a relationship is like taking the blue pill and isn't real. I feel like if you really want to serve the Lord remember you can't serve two masters and you have the opportunity to go all in and get a head start on building up heavenly treasures and what could be more meaningful than that?

Choosing singleness so you can be with God as much as you can seems like a much more valuable and meaningful way to live. I feel spiritually heightened being single compared to when I was in a relationship where I devoted a significant amount of time that would have produced a larger harvest had it been serving and engaging in fellowship with the Lord .

Agree completely. Been married to a pretend believer for many years. Only realised recently, and looking back, It was always pretty obvious, but then I wasn’t much better in those days. I had just begun searching for a relationship with The Lord, but allowed myself to get distracted (deceived).

I can’t believe how many years I’ve wasted compromising my walk with Jesus.

It sounds crazy, but, Against my own will, I’ve watched hundreds of blasphemous, sexual and violent movies with OH.

I regret all of it

 

[bèlla]

Because there's a difference between being fiercely independent and just straight up mule headed.

This.

There's a difference between genuinely enjoying ones singleness and echoing the same because of crappy relationships, errant choices, or pop psychology. Contentment doesn't carry a bullhorn.

Much like you love painting. You don't need to prove its satisfying. You live it.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[ReesePiece23]

This.

There's a difference between genuinely enjoying ones singleness and echoing the same because of crappy relationships, errant choices, or pop psychology. Contentment doesn't carry a bullhorn.

Much like you love painting. You don't need to prove its satisfying. You live it.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

That's the thing. Sometimes, it's about moving in a way that feels natural. You haven't got to plan out EVERY last detail. And you certainly don't need to be SO dour about your life mission. You ARE allowed to enjoy yourself from time to time.

Spending your life on a crusade to be forever single is not you enjoying yourself. You're actually spending a lot of needless energy proving a point, when no one actually cares but YOU.

I would know. I did it enough years - just check my posting history. I was obsessed with it for a time.

 

[bèlla]

That's the thing. Sometimes, it's about moving in a way that feels natural. You haven't got to plan out EVERY last detail. And you certainly don't need to be SO dour about your life mission. You ARE allowed to enjoy yourself from time to time.

I've seen this many times when relationships end. The need to appear strong and undeterred is prevalent. While you may feel that way on occasion, it isn't a constant. Cracks in the facade reveal the truth. You're still hurting, bitter, disenchanted, confused, etc. It's perfectly okay to say, I'm getting there. Acknowledging our humanity is freeing.

The glorification of singleness often includes a painful event. You see it with Christians, feminists, and the manosphere. I've heard a similar spin on loneliness by religious types. If the horn is blowing too loudly I'm skeptical.

Spending your life on a crusade to be forever single is not you enjoying yourself. You're actually spending a lot of needless energy proving a point, when no one actually cares but YOU.

The point must be validated. That's the reason you put it out there. You need to hear you're not alone and others feel the same. The whole thing is smoke and mirrors.

If I know the person I'll cut to the chase and ask the question. Are you afraid of being alone? Do you believe you won't find a companion and you're making do just in case? Are your postulations about God hiding the fact you're lonely and craving attention?

Lying to yourself is one thing. But I'm not joining the lie and agreeing. Iron fosters growth and healing. When people tell you what you want to hear you're going nowhere fast.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I think if you have found something you deem more meaningful more important than romantic relationships you should pursue that as far and as deep as you can. At the end of the day I know I personally can't develop and cultivate my relationship with God the way I'd like to while trying to please someone else.

You will eventually run into a situation in all romantic relationships where you feel this emptiness as if theres something missing. Some respond to this inevitability by thinking they need another romantic relationship and some people continue this pattern until they die. Constantly thinking just one more relationship is what they need. People need to remember that man can't live on bread alone.

People may think they need a romantic relationship but they will see no matter who they are with there is this emptiness that prevails that can't be solved with the material.

 

[GospelS]

I think if you have found something you deem more meaningful more important than romantic relationships you should pursue that as far and as deep as you can. At the end of the day I know I personally can't develop and cultivate my relationship with God the way I'd like to while trying to please someone else.

You will eventually run into a situation in all romantic relationships where you feel this emptiness as if theres something missing. Some respond to this inevitability by thinking they need another romantic relationship and some people continue this pattern until they die. Constantly thinking just one more relationship is what they need. People need to remember that man can't live on bread alone.

People may think they need a romantic relationship but they will see no matter who they are with there is this emptiness that prevails that can't be solved with the material.

I hope you are not saying what God joins together is meaningless, a problem, distraction, etc. It is something God considers holy. But I believe you are where you need to be. Keep going.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I've seen this many times when relationships end. The need to appear strong and undeterred is prevalent. While you may feel that way on occasion, it isn't a constant. Cracks in the facade reveal the truth. You're still hurting, bitter, disenchanted, confused, etc. It's perfectly okay to say, I'm getting there. Acknowledging our humanity is freeing.

The glorification of singleness often includes a painful event. You see it with Christians, feminists, and the manosphere. I've heard a similar spin on loneliness by religious types. If the horn is blowing too loudly I'm skeptical.



The point must be validated. That's the reason you put it out there. You need to hear you're not alone and others feel the same. The whole thing is smoke and mirrors.

If I know the person I'll cut to the chase and ask the question. Are you afraid of being alone? Do you believe you won't find a companion and you're making do just in case? Are your postulations about God hiding the fact you're lonely and craving attention?

Lying to yourself is one thing. But I'm not joining the lie and agreeing. Iron fosters growth and healing. When people tell you what you want to hear you're going nowhere fast.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

I'm sure that my 'crusade' can be traced right back to around 2010/11 - maybe earlier, (I can't remember now), when a single moment would change my entire outlook on romance.

Y'see, beneath the bravado of my 'one man mission' was a broken spirit who lost his love solely to cultural differences. Her parents found out about our two year affair (she was engaged) - and so, she was subsequently (and promptly) married to her selected partner. It was tough on me, but a thousand times tougher on her, right? I got out of it pretty lightly.

Yeah, you can bury an experience like that all you like, but it doesn't change the fact that it screwed you up for life. It's hard to move on when you never ACTUALLY separated in the normal way. I don't love her anymore, but the memory is forever branded onto my memory.

It's taken me YEARS to drop the bull and be honest about that. So, if me and Bella are striking a chord with anyone, NOW is the time to be honest. Because you don't need to follow me down the same road.

 

[bèlla]

Relationships aren't equal to idolatry or th diminishment of our connection with God. He orchestrated marriage in the garden. Neglecting the Lord in deference to our companion is errant. It's indicative of a heart condition and spiritual immaturity. This doesn't negate the sanctity of holy unions.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a companion.
There is nothing wrong with desiring to marry.

It is wholly wrong to be consumed by your desires. To the point where you're incapable of thinking or speaking of anything else beyond them. When you fail to see the Lord's work in your life due to its absence. When you're angry, frustrated, and shake your fist at Him because you remain alone. That's wrong and imbalanced.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I hope you are not saying what God joins together is meaningless, a problem, distraction, etc. It is something God considers holy. But I believe you are where you need to be. Keep going.

When you develop a strong relationship with God everything else seems meaningless.

 

[bèlla]

It's taken me YEARS to drop the bull and be honest about that. So, if me and Bella are striking a chord with anyone, NOW is the time to be honest. Because you don't need to follow me down the same road.

The truth can be painful but it's freeing too.

I've dealt with many people who were frozen. They couldn't move on because something was holding them back. They sabotaged relationships or walled themselves into fortresses to protect their heart and created a new depth of misery in that position. In every instance it was necessary to confront the hurt and let it out. Holding it in was killing them.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella