The One

[MN John]

I believe that God has one ideal path selected for each of us. If we are fully following his will, we will choose the spouse, career, ministry, etc. that He knows is the one best for his Kingdom's sake. However, there are also many "good" choices that we can make that just don't happen to be God's "best" for us. When we make a good choice (or even a bad choice) instead of the best choice, then our future possibilities are changed and God then has a new "best" selected for each of us based now on what has gone before and what can happen as a result in the future. Then once agan, we need to continue to seek His will and try to discern the what His best for us is.

So here's how it relates to marriage. Suppose God wants you to marry one person, and plans for you to meet them in 3 years when the timing is perfect. But a different person comes along and you realize that this person would be a wonderful spouse and parent and that you could happily love them all of your life. So you marry them and never meet the original person God had for you. OK, once you make that choice, God has a best plan for you with your actual spouse. So you can be completely happy and blessed in your marriage and follow God's guidance on when and how many children, etc. And you would never know that there could have been something a little better.

So I agree with the people who are saying that there are many possibilities that you can make work and not just one way to be happy. But I also believe that at any time, there is ONE best choice that you can make in order to follow God's will.

John

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

There was no 'one' for me either - I did that once before, and let's just say, I ended up very disillusioned, and realised how naive and immature I was to say 'he's the one', and therefore do EVERYTHING in my power to prove he was 'the one'.

I was spending a lot of time with a certain man (my flatmate/roomie, actually), and I realised that his character was one I'd want in whoever was going to be my husband. That being, honesty, humility, a willingness to compromise, and someone who wanted to keep growing and developing, both as a man, and as a Christian. Plus, he wasn't hung up on gender roles, rescuing me or forcing his beliefs on certain Christian issues on anyone else (which I'd experienced with other guys I'd met in the past).

Didn't mean I jumped right in, or started going 'is he the one? is he the one?'. I just observed him for many many months, got an accountability partner to pray with me, and be an 'advisor' as such (someone who knew us both REALLY well, and was a bit further along in life, and was strong in her faith), and then, after I'd seen that this was 'normal' behaviour for him (and not just a show, but who he REALLY was), I went to him and told him how I was feeling, and asked him if he'd be willing to take 4 months out to watch me and see if I was the kind of woman he'd like to pursue marriage with.

There was no 'one', 'soulmate' stuff with this - I'm sure there were plenty of other men out there that had the same characteristics that Brad has, that I desired in my future husband.

I just looked at him, realised that he HAD all those characteristics I respected in a guy, and made sure that was how he was in 'normal' life, and that it wasn't being done just to impress me.

Sasch

 

[heartnsoul]

There are many people who we can be compatible with, so there can be more than "one" person out there that could be the right one for you. However, the right "one" is someone who loves and honors God "first" in his/her heart. Too often, people seek his/her own will and find someone based upon physical attraction (man-made marriage) instead of a godly marriage (soulmate) which is based upon spiritual attraction. Therefore, the right "one" or right mates are people who are spiritually mature and love God with all of their heart, mind and soul.

Unless both partners are spiritually mature and is firmly rooted in God by putting their security in God and God only, the relationship will not be the "best" that God has intended. That is why the majority of marriages are struggling and partners are unequally yoked.

If you want to meet the "best" partner and have a blessed godly marriage, then be patient and work on strengthening your own walk with God first. Take the time to grow in Christ and become spiritually mature so that you will be prepared to come together with a godly partner.

Seek His Kingdom first, and the rest will fall into place. God bless you.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Finally, I have was reading the one of these in the Men's Forums (Yes, we younglings do go there), and could not respond. Maybe it is time I hit the hide my age button. Nomatter. I will start by saying I do not know that she is the one. I will then follow by saying that my idea of the one is that there is not just one person for you, but at sometime, God will make it so. Usually when you are dating, but it may be at a different time.

As I said, I don't know if she is the one, but I will say I have faith that she is. Why, first off, I have read all the responses, and so many, if not all, apply. One that says nomatter how bad your day is, thinking of them, you will smile. Another is just trusting on God for everything. I was once asked, when I asked a married person for a question that could be used on a love test, though I know there cannot be such a thing. They replied with this, "What would you do if in the middle of the night (this is once you are married), she wakes up a throws up everywhere and starts to cry?" I think what our initial responses are can tell us alot. Think about what your first response is.


My first reaction was to say hold her intill she started she felt better, and then I would worry about cleaning it all up.

There is, as said before, the whole idea of can you see yourself growing old with them.

Besides for such things as this, I have done a few things just to prove to myself it was love. I was, and still am, against teenage relationships, so I had to first prove to myself this was love. That took a long time, involving studies of Song of Songs, 1 Corinthians, Genesis part 1 (Adam and Eve), and the Bible as a whole. I actually read books on the subject, probally alot more than one to many that was meant for married people, and talked to many adults. But what helped me most was talking to God about it. Finally He revealed the answer. She may not be the one, but for me to feel the same, or more, about someone else, I would have to completely forget how I feel about her. Basically, if I did not know that God can do anything, I would say it would be her or no-one.

Another thing you could do is just see how you respond when they are in pain. But thinking about how you respond, and being in that situation is really different. Saturday night, on a trip back from a youth conference, God showed me that difference. It had been a long time since I had actually cried, yes I had shed a few tears, but nothing like this. When I realized how she felt, I started crying, weeping more like it.

But then, my own situations for if she is the one, I don't know if they would apply to other just due to the situation it has undergone. But the question I think really shows something is this "What would you do if you could not see them for two years?" The only problem with this question is that the way one answers it just thinking about it, is very different for so many than how they truelly answer it. I myself was put though more than one situation that made me have faith that she is the one.

Also, what would you do for them when they are threatened. Also, there have been situations in dreams, which I am sure that God has given me to show me how I would act, which shows how I would act in extreme situations. I do think that God will speak to you though miracles. One final thing I thinks that will let you know is if you had to thank one person besides for God for you becoming who you are, it would be them. But this may apply to my situation alone.

But the only one who can reasure you is God. So talk to him about it.

 

[MN John]

There are many people who we can be compatible with, so there can be more than "one" person out there that could be the right one for you. However, the right "one" is someone who loves and honors God "first" in his/her heart. Too often, people seek his/her own will and find someone based upon physical attraction (man-made marriage) instead of a godly marriage (soulmate) which is based upon spiritual attraction. Therefore, the right "one" or right mates are people who are spiritually mature and love God with all of their heart, mind and soul.

Unless both partners are spiritually mature and is firmly rooted in God by putting their security in God and God only, the relationship will not be the "best" that God has intended. That is why the majority of marriages are struggling and partners are unequally yoked.

If you want to meet the "best" partner and have a blessed godly marriage, then be patient and work on strengthening your own walk with God first. Take the time to grow in Christ and become spiritually mature so that you will be prepared to come together with a godly partner.

Seek His Kingdom first, and the rest will fall into place. God bless you.

Wise person!