The ministry of discouragement

[SongOnTheWind]

Is it or me or do something Christians have nothing good and everything bad to say? Why can some be like this? How can we encourage them to change? Should we encourage them at all, or simply mind our own business? How can we stop their discouragement from affecting us?

Encouragement isn't just good vibes, it's a whole ministry, according to the New Testament. What do we do about it, and how?

Thoughts please

 

[A_Thinker]

Is it or me or do something Christians have nothing good and everything bad to say? Why can some be like this? How can we encourage them to change? Should we encourage them at all, or simply mind our own business? How can we stop their discouragement from affecting us?

Encouragement isn't just good vibes, it's a whole ministry, according to the New Testament. What do we do about it, and how?

Thoughts please

The scriptures say much about encouraging one's neighbors ... and being careful about being overly critical.

I try and take my cues from Jesus. There were only a few people (or groups) to whom He said discouraging things. These were, typically, those who were actively working against Him. To His disciples and followers, Jesus was pretty consistently uplifting.

Christians who are unwilling to shed a discouraging nature ... ultimately should be guarded against ...

 

[A_Thinker]

Is it or me or do something Christians have nothing good and everything bad to say? Why can some be like this? How can we encourage them to change? Should we encourage them at all, or simply mind our own business? How can we stop their discouragement from affecting us?

Encouragement isn't just good vibes, it's a whole ministry, according to the New Testament. What do we do about it, and how?

Thoughts please

And, of course, christian leaders should teach encouragement to their followers. Unfortunately, our fallen human nature is much more tuned in to discouragement ...

 

[Mayflower1]

Unless it starts to affect me personally, I try to speak life into people and tell people the positives to think instead if I see they are overly discouraged/critical. It will not help anybody, but I find if someone is in a place where they cannot see the positive and don't want to, they will go to someone else rather then hear the positives. Some just want a listening ear, but I think it is important to try and build up others where we can. I know I personally get drained easy. I try to keep conversations public on a forum and things, because I know what my limits are and I know I used to be in that mindset where I could not see the positive. Sometimes that is just where people are, but God's Word brings life.

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality."
Romans 12:10‭-‬13 NASB1995

 

[SongOnTheWind]

Hi @mayflower and @A_Thinker

Thanks muchly for replying; I agree with what you both have replied with. I am trying to guard myself and my thoughts especially against negatively, but it's hard when sometimes it seems said discouragers actively seek me out. Am I too nice in allowing them to just sit there and vent, knowing that that's all they are there to do? Either that or continue to point out fault after fault. Every time I do try to change the subject it always comes back to the same things.

Any good evasion/deflection tactics you know that I can use? Truth in love doesn't work, they always think it simply just does not apply.

 

[Mayflower1]

Hi @mayflower and @A_Thinker

Thanks muchly for replying; I agree with what you both have replied with. I am trying to guard myself and my thoughts especially against negatively, but it's hard when sometimes it seems said discouragers actively seek me out. Am I too nice in allowing them to just sit there and vent, knowing that that's all they are there to do? Either that or continue to point out fault after fault. Every time I do try to change the subject it always comes back to the same things.

Any good evasion/deflection tactics you know that I can use? Truth in love doesn't work, they always think it simply just does not apply.

I would just tell them the truth. You can also go to your settings and disable your pm system, so that you only can start conversations with who you want to. You go to your privacy settings.

 

[SongOnTheWind]

I would just tell them the truth. You can also go to your settings and disable your pm system, so that you only can start conversations with who you want to. You go to your privacy settings.

Actually, I'm speaking of people I talk with face to face, lol. Yeah.
As I said, they don't want to hear the truth. I think I better just pray on it.

But keep the advice coming, if you have any more. I need all the help I can get!

 

[Mayflower1]

Actually, I'm speaking of people I talk with face to face, lol. Yeah.
As I said, they don't want to hear the truth. I think I better just pray on it.

But keep the advice coming, if you have any more. I need all the help I can get!

It is harder face to face. LOL. I just tell them I would pray for them, but you would feel better if they would talk with someone else about it for the time being. That way the door would be open in the future in case you did feel like you were in a place where you think you could help.

 

[rturner76]

I try to stay away from discouraging people. I'm critical of myself enough for both of us, I don't need someone pointing out all my shortcomings. If someone knows I'm struggling with sin and offer a suggestion or two, that's fine. It is done n the spirit of helping your neighbor avoid sin. Just calling out someone's behavior while offering no solution is just mean. I think the Bible says "thou shalt not be mean."

 

[A_Thinker]

Hi @mayflower and @A_Thinker

Thanks muchly for replying; I agree with what you both have replied with. I am trying to guard myself and my thoughts especially against negatively, but it's hard when sometimes it seems said discouragers actively seek me out. Am I too nice in allowing them to just sit there and vent, knowing that that's all they are there to do? Either that or continue to point out fault after fault. Every time I do try to change the subject it always comes back to the same things.

Any good evasion/deflection tactics you know that I can use? Truth in love doesn't work, they always think it simply just does not apply.

I find that if you respond positively in these situations, it tends to shut them down.

Like you said ... they want to find contentment in spilling their negativity. It's rare that they have the strength to argue against good. But it does happen occasionally.

 

[Bob Crowley]

Before I became Christian, I was negative, mainly due to the way I'd been brought up, and some of my life experiences.

We can say to ourselves that we won't be like our parents (my father in my case), but we seem to inherit or learn some of their failings no matter what we do. As my old pastor put it (although he never met him) "He didn't seem to have a kind word to say about anyone." I picked up on some of that unfortunately.

Becoming Christian helped, although there was still some personal discouragement to overcome from time to time.

Another organisation that I found helpful was Toastmasters. When evaluating someone's speech, we would always try to find something positive to say (even if we thought it was awful). The basic principle was "Kiss, Kick, Kiss" which meant start with something positive, then make a suggestion for improvement, and always finish off on a positive note.

It was inspiring to see how some people went from almost hiding behind the lectern to becoming competent public speakers, due to several factors - the positive atmosphere, encouraging mentors and specific guidelines - but most of all, constant encouragement.

 

[SongOnTheWind]

I guess what I am realizing is that some don't want to get out of the rut they are stuck in. It's sad, but I'm not going to throw myself in with them so they can have a wallow-partner.

It is sad though. Aren't we Christians supposed to be the overcomers? The ones who love, and so are shown to be Christ's disciples? The ones who go high when others go low? SMH.

 

[A_Thinker]

I guess what I am realizing is that some don't want to get out of the rut they are stuck in. It's sad, but I'm not going to throw myself in with them so they can have a wallow-partner.

It is sad though. Aren't we Christians supposed to be the overcomers? The ones who love, and so are shown to be Christ's disciples? The ones who go high when others go low? SMH.

Some prefer to stay low ...

 

[BelleMem]

Is it or me or do something Christians have nothing good and everything bad to say? Why can some be like this? How can we encourage them to change? Should we encourage them at all, or simply mind our own business? How can we stop their discouragement from affecting us?

Encouragement isn't just good vibes, it's a whole ministry, according to the New Testament. What do we do about it, and how?

Thoughts please

I think it is for some a form of 'defense' in this quite confusing, sometimes painful world. The mentality that nothing can 'trick' you if you're always cynical, or the mentality that if you're already low, nothing else can kick you down. I would just reply with something positive to counter- show them that negativity doesn't have as much power as walking with faith and security in the Holy Spirit. I am a people person, so I like finding out what people like- you see their face sort of change and light up, or if nothing else at least try to get them to laugh for a second. Remind them life is not all doom and gloom. I don't think pointing it out directly ever goes far, but by always demonstrating a better way to be, that can be influential. Calm and thoughtful responses might not always change them or their mindset, but at least it doesn't feed their consistent drudgery. You can stop it from affecting you by praying peace for, and while around that person, and by recognizing it is a fragment of their brokenness coming out, not anything you cause. It seems small, but small moments add up, and ripple in effective ways we don't always see. If nothing helps them, it at least helps you. Blessings to you!