The many forms of SI *Trigger*

[Not_Myself]

Hi,

Other than the newbie board and the gaming board, I've not posted properly since i joined (which was only yesterday to be fair), but one of the main reasons i joined these forums was to find people, to find Christians, that struggle with similar issues to myself. And so, with that introduction out of the way, let me say what i wished to.

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I have struggled with self-harm for over five years, it is a struggle that has been primarily private, with only a couple of family members and friends knowing about it (some of them against my wishes). My struggle fluctuates between periods of strength and abstinence, and periods of weakness and addictive obsession. Not only this, but the methods through which i cause myself pain also shifts and change as my moods do; really anything and everything that i can think of to cause myself pain without being caught.

Last night i broke a two year stretch of not harming myself. I am not ignorant of the dangers that inflicting physical wounds upon myself, nor am i unaware of how short-lived the relief is.

I am tired of fighting this battle, and i wonder how long i can struggle on with this, but struggle on i must....what other option do i have? All i wish to know is this? Is this battle ever won?


[I'm not sure what would be considered inappropriate on this board, so please moderators remove/edit whatever you think is not suitable for others to read - i only ask that you let me know what was not good so i don't post such again...thanks.]

 

[Holly's_Dream]

Hey,
I'm a newbie as well, but was quite suprised this area actually existed on this site. Although i am hugely greatful that it does, because as someone exploring their faith, its a relief to know that side of my character is accepted also.
Do not be disheartened by breaking the stretch of time you had gone without doing that.
As you said yourself, we all know the dangers of doing it both physically and mentally, and that the relief is short lived. I don't think anyone could forget it.
What people do sometimes forget is that although we can reach big mile stones, it does not necessarily mean the problem is any less than it was at earlier dates. You should be very proud of making it that long, even if there is this little 'blip' in the plan now (and it is ok for there to be).
I'm only at 6 months but (and i know this doesnt necessarily help you, and is probably not the response you were looking for) but you have inspired me to know it is possible to go for that length of time. 6 months has been a huge struggle. But sometimes it takes that little break in the timeline to know that maybe you dont need it as much. Last time i broke my abstinence in regard to self-injury, i found that my reaction to it was less. It did not give me the same amount of comfort as before and therefore strength not to feel that i needed to return to it.
I hope that helps, feel free to message me at any time,
Holly x

 

[ChristInAction]

Hey sweetie,

1st of all congragulations on making it 2years! that shows that you do want to stop this & your willing to try. Well done. =] Everyone stumbles and falls sometimes, its what you do after that that defines it. So dont stay down, try again. Dont let get downhearted, be pleased with your achivement because ive never gone that long & i dont know a lot of people who have.
This is something you can beat but it takes time & persistance.
Next time you feel as though you want to hurt yourself, come on here & write on the board, its often helpful.
Have you ever thought about talking to a councellor? it could be helpful. im looking for one now.

Remember that God loves you & is trying so hard to help you fight against the devils lies when those lows come (i know that feeling all too well.) check out ephisians 6:10-24 if you want, i found it the other day & it was encouraging to stand up against the devil & trust in God to get me threw.

I feel as though ive just woffled on here. sorry!
hope it helped in some way, if you need to vent. im always here.
Ally xox

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

I agree with Ally...it *is* something you can beat. Having SIed before, it means you might be more prone wanting to do it when you get stressed because it's how you've coped in the past, but it's possible to get past this . If I'm allowed to ask, have you ever thought about or looked into counselling? It can really help you to both understand why you do it and learn different ways to cope when you get triggered.